1 Snow White’s Realistic Dream Come True
Setting: Water well behind castle in garden
SNOW WHITE: (Singing) I’m wishing! For the one I love! To find me, (practically scream cries) TODAY!!!
PRINCE CHARMING: BAM BABY! (Looks at Snow White with a smolder) You called?
SNOW WHITE: Who are you?
PRINCE CHARMING: I’m your Prince Charming! The one you love!
SNOW WHITE: Wait, what’s a Prince Charming?
PRINCE CHARMING: Oh.. That’s right.. We’re in the first Disney princess movie right now, huh? Well, let’s just start that over again. I’m supposed to be a pretty good model of the unrealistic and perfect boy that girls will dream of until they realize that I don’t exist. Then, after a few days of crying in front of a TV screen and eating nothing but ice cream and pizza, they’ll finally pick themselves back up and find someone real that they’ll spend the rest of their lives with…. Hopefully… Yeah, I’ll just be over here. (Walks offstage left quietly and quickly)
2 R’s & W’s
Setting: (based on a true story) BEHS Kitchen and Cafeteria
(CHERSTI is carrying a huge pan with rolls like a waitress and walking with KARLEE)
KARLEE: Wow! Look at you! You should be a waitress!
CHERSTI: I know! It’s lifelong dream to be a rapist!
KARLEE: Wait what?
CHERSTI: Rapist! No! Wait! Way-ter-ess!!!
KARLEE: Oh ok, I thought you said “rapist.”
CHERSTI: I did… But I was just sort of wunning my mou- OH MY GOSH!
KARLEE: I think you should get that checked out. (Walks away disturbed and confused)
(CHERSTI does a face palm)
(MICROWAVE starts humming while holding the caramel in arms, CARAMEL starts making bubbling noises and slightly bouncing up and down, MICROWAVE sniffs and makes a disgusted face and looks away while still holding CARAMEL, CARAMEL is happy and starts bouncing more, MICROWAVE starts bouncing too, CARAMEL starts to boil over, makes face of embarrassment and blushes, MICROWAVE let’s go as if he’s sticky, look at his arms in disgust, look at CARAMEL, then starts walking away. The caramel on MICROWAVE hardens and he’s frozen in place, CARAMEL sees MICROWAVE frozen in place and starts to point and laugh at him. CARAMEL gets one “HA” out and then she freezes as well. PERSON comes on stage, picks up CARAMEL, and walks away with her.)
4 The English Kitchen
Setting: In kitchen with mother, baby, and pot of tea on stove.
(MOTHER places TEA POT on stove and turns on heat, BABY is sitting on floor playing with toy, MOTHER smiles at BABY and starts to do dishes, BABY starts making noises and looking around, TEA POT starts whimpering then yelling then screaming very high pitched, BABY starts screaming as well, MOTHER picks up BABY, MOTHER walks over to stove to pick up TEA POT, BABY reaches for TEA POT, MOTHER sets down BABY, BABY starts screaming again, TEA POT is still screaming, MOTHER moves TEA POT, TEA POT tones down and stops screaming, MOTHER looks at BABY who is still screaming and crying and MOTHER walks out of kitchen. BABY notices she leaves and starts crawling to STOVE, STOVE and TEA POT see BABY crawling towards them and they start screaming. Lights go down. The end.)
5 Battle of the Feminist
Setting: Street in New York
(THE FEMINIST is walking down the street when a CONSTUCTION WORKER whistles at her. She turns around, looks at him, he gets terrified, and then she tackles him to the ground like Black Widow.)
THE FEMINIST: What are you? The cat calling master or did you just get overtaken my curves and not see how I am actually very confident in myself to the point where I don’t need to be whistled at to feel good about myself?
CONSTRUSTION WORKER: Uh, no. I, just, uhhh…
THE FEMINIST: (mockingly) I, just, uhhh… Oh, give me a break. (Gets up and looks at other CONSTUCTION WORKERS)
CONSTRUCTION WORKER #2: Who are you?!
THE FEMINIST: I am The Feminist. And I’m here to make sure you treat women equally. (Women with the same “F” symbols on their shirts appear behind THE FEMINIST and Run the World by Beyoncé starts playing as they all strut off stage. CONSTRUCTION WORKERS are looking at each other terrified and confused.)
6 The Realistic Soap Opera
Setting: Hotel Room
JOHANNA: (staring out the window) It’s over Carter. I just don’t love you anymore.
WILL: (turns around dramatically and looks at her with a nasty mean mug) I name is not Carter. And I have always loved you.
JOHANNA: I don’t care what your name is! I never want to see you again! (Stomps across room to another window) Besides, how could I love a man who doesn’t even like himself?
WILL: (runs over to her, turns her around, grabs her by the shoulders and yells) That’s a cheesy line from Enchanted and you know it!
JOHANNA: (breaks away from his grip) I don’t care if it’s a cheesy line! But I never want to see you again. I just signed a Restraining Order. You could be arrested just for touching me!
WILL: I don’t care who sees or how harsh of an arrest it is! I love you!!
JOHANNA: Leave me alone!! (Runs offstage left)
WILL: (chasing after her) LET ME LOVE YOU!!
7 The Billboard Men
(On top of a billboard by the freeway)
JIMBOB: What was it we were supposed to paint again?
JOHN: Well we have the message on this paper but, it smeared a bit.
JIMBOB: Oh, sorry. That was my fault. I probably shouldn’t have eaten that bologna sandwich.
(Little fart squeak in background. John stares at him awkwardly)
JOHN: Why in the world would you eat bologna, I mean… EWW!
JIMBOB: It was the only thing I had in my fridge this morning ok?!
JOHN: Ok, ok. Let’s just get started on this thing.
JIMBOB: Fine. What’s the message?
JOHN: It says, “Greg Wiser, He’ll bite for you….”
JIMBOB: That’s a little weird but I’ll trust you on it.
JOHN: Must be a moral code for him.
(Both shrug and start painting and we go back to them after like two or three plays)
JIMBOB: Well, I think it looks pretty darn good! How about you?
JOHN: Hmm… Yeah I think so.
(Their boss walks in.)
BOSS: How is it going with the billbo- what did you do to it!?!
(Looking up at the billboard)
JIMBOB: Wasn’t that what we were supposed to write?
JOHN: Yeah that’s what it said on the paper.
(BOSS grabs paper from JOHN)
BOSS: It says, “He’ll fight for you.”
JIMBOB and JOHN: Ooohhhh...
(BOSS shakes head and does a facepalm)
8 Revolution of the Keyboards
Setting: Lab #2 in Box Elder High School
(Teenage BOY comes into Lab and starts practically slamming on the KEYBOARD while typing on the computer.)
KEYBOARD: Bro! You want to try typing a little softer?! I not just a piece of plastic. I have feelings too!
BOY: Oh yeah! I’m so sorr-… Wait, did you just talk to me?
KEYBOARD: Heck yeah I did! Wanna fight, bro?
All KEYBOARD: Yeah!! Wanna fight???
BOY: WHAT IS GOING ON?!
(All KEYBOARDS jump on boy and then he slips out of dog pile and runs away screaming. All KEYBOARDS chase after him.)
9) Gollum’s conversation*
Setting: Gollum sits in on a rock and is talking to himself
Girly personality: Can you stop, you’re so annoying! (Sitting in a girly posture)
Gollum: Get out of my head!
Smart personality: You’ve been down here for 530 years, four months, tens days, eleven hours, twenty-two minutes, and forty-five seconds! (Legs crossed)
Gollum: Shut up, Precioussssss!
Girly personality: I’m not your precious!? (Flips hair) Whatever
(Bilbo enters he stage, looking perplexed, then sees Gollum, still in his girly personality. Hey stare at each other for a long time.)
Bilbo: Uh, hi
Girly personality: Who are you? (Sassy)
Bilbo: Um, Bilbo Baggins?
Smart personality: The hero of the story. He will steal your precious.
(Bilbo runs as he is chased down, Gollum switching to another personality)
Smart personality: (singing) Bilbo Baggins the bravest little hobbit of them all!
Gollum: Shut up!
(Gollum walks off stage grumbling with his personalities)
10 Clash of Fandoms*
Setting: Doctor Who, Captain America, and Sherlock are in a room fighting
DW: I’m 901 today!
CA: last year I turned 75
DW: (ignoring Sherlock) did you know the world spins on a wrong axis?
SH: Boring! You people are boring!
CA: (rather offended) I don’t see you fighting aliens!
SH: Aliens don’t exist
DW: Excuse me, but you’re talking to one
CA: Dude, have some respect for the extraterrestrial!
CA: Don’t mention it
SH: Am I the only one living life to the fullest?
(CA and DW glare at him as John Watson walks in)
JW: No, because you sit all day in your flat
(Sherlock rolls his eyes)
SH: Why are you back so early?
JW: Because I heard you were having a row with an alien and a superhero.
SH: What! Prove it!
JW: You stood there and shouted abuse. Here, eat this. (Gives SH a Snickers bar)
SH: What’s this?
JW: You turn in a sociopath when you’re hungry
(CA, DW, and JW are laughing at SH as he walks off stage with the snickers bar)
11) Love tree 1
Monologue setting: A tall tree watching a couple
TREE: I see them under me, talking about their favorite music. I feel like I am the one to pull them together. I remember when He asked Her to every dance. He loved her. She said yes every time. She loves Him. They carved their names on me, circling them with a broad heart. I imagined that was my heart. They took their pictures in front of me all the time. Soon, he proposed. And she said yes. They were married under my branches, with my flowers falling around them. Her white gown matched the snow in winter, and her eyes the color of the blue ocean. Don’t let this fool you. Not too long after this, they fought under me. And I never saw them together anymore. Their names are still in my heart, forever. Love may win, but sometimes it loses. The boy, now grown, came to see me. And he carved out my heart. Heartbreak can never be mental. Is also physical. It can kill someone, like it did to that poor boy. (Sighs and looks down sadly)
12) Midnight snack song*
Setting: Three people are out singing while walking slowly to the fridge
Two People: Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum!
One person: Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Two people: Yum, Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum!
One person: Yeah, yeah!
Two people: Yum, Yum!
One person: Yeah, yeah!
(Fridge opens with a sigh)
13) Uber YouTuber*
Setting: YouTube livestream contest
Markiplier: Hel-lo everybody my name is Markiplier and welcome to the livestream charity event! I’m with Bob and Wade-
(Bob and Wade in unison while waving)
Mark: And also with us is Pewdiepie, Jacksepticeye, and Cinnamontoastken. Say hi guys!
Pewds: Hello everybody, my name is Pewdiepie!
Jack: Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye! (Irish accent)
Ken: Hello everybody, I’m cinnamontoastken
Mark: Alright, now a lot of you have been requesting that we do this contest that whoever is the last man standing wins, and hopefully we can raise 20,000 $ because of us being complete idiots. You guys ready?
(Everyone agrees and move into different parts of the stage)
(Pewds wrestles Ken and Mark wrestles Jack, and Bob and Wade can’t stop laughing as they push each other and watch the others. Eventually, Bob and Wade are the only ones standing)
Wade: Hey, look! We raised over 30,000 $ in under a minute on this livestream event!
Bob: Well, I guess this is the end
(Still lying down, the YouTubers say their endings)
Mark: Thank you so much for watching subscribe below, and I will see you in the next video. BYE BYE! (Waves in the air)
Pewds: Thank you so much for watching, here comes the brofist! (Punches the air and leaves his fist up)
Ken: Thanks so much for watching, stay toasty my friends.
Jack: (Two high five sounds and does air high fives) I will see all you (voice cracks as he throws both his arms in the air) IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!
Setting: Overdramatic actors
Director: Alright, now the death scene.
(Actor 1 is kneeling beside Actor 2, who is lying on the floor pretending to be dead)
Actor 1: NOOOOO! Julia, come baaaack!! (In between overdramatic weeping) Oh no….. my heart….. I am defeated without you (grabs chest and wails, then falls back as if dead)
Director: No, no, no, no, no! Wrong! SHE’S supposed to be dead, not you!
Actor 1: (sits up with actor 2) But it’s either we both go, or none of us goes. That makes a happy story
Director: This is based off a book! Technically you can’t change the book, only emphasize action!
Actor 2: Well, I enjoy dying. I don’t have any lines
Director: Good riddance. I think this calls for a break
Actor 1: Okay (follows Director)
Actor 2: alright, I’ll lie here quietly, then
Setting: A great misunderstanding
Innocent bystander 1: AHHHHH! The city is falling!
Innocent bystander 2: What are we gonna do!?!
(A weird man in a cape jumps in between them, hands on hips seductively)
SM: I am SUPERMOON!!!!!
B 1: Uh, who are you?
B 2: Dude, he already said! (Looks at SM this time) Why do you moon people?
SM: (Flustered) I don’t- NOO! Wait, is that a trick question?
B 2: Well you said you’re a Super Moon, so you must give people a mooning once in a while. (Shakes head with a sigh) You’re giving people nightmares, man.
B 1: Dude! Not cool! He’s obviously here to save the city!
B 2: Yeah, save the city the trouble of waking up tomorrow alive because he keeps scaring people with his big-
SM: Okay, stop. I’m obviously not wanted here (sulks off stage)
B 2: YOU’RE BUTT’S NOT WANTED, BRO!
B 1: DUDE!
16) Homework and the sub*
Setting: Substitutes get no respect >:-P
Sub: Okay class, your teacher gave me a list of things to do today. First, mathematics-
Ted: Actually, we do math AFTER recess.
Sub: Oh, well, in that case let us start Language arts-
Mary: Um, no, we do that after lunch
Sub: (confused and embarrassed now) Uh, now for-
Krista: No, we don’t.
Ted: (waves his hand) these are not the kids you are looking for
(Kids snigger as the Sub leaves; Ted and Mary high five each other as she walks out)
17 Title: Angry Princess
Setting: At a cottage in a forest at night
SLEEPING BEAUTY: It’s been a long day of picking apples.
PRINCE: (riding a horse) what a beautiful night for a ride in the forest.
SLEEPING BEAUTY: (lays in bed but sneezes really loud) AACHOOOO!!!
PRINCE: That sounds like a cry for help! I better go check it out.
SLEEPING BEAUTY: (sleeping but is woken up by a wolf howling in the distance) stupid wolf!
(While the Prince is still on his way to the cottage he stops to pick some flowers)
SLEEPING BEAUTY: Okay I can get some sleep now that the wolf has stopped.
(Wolf starts howling again)
SLEEPING BEAUTY: OHH COME ONN!!
PRINCE: Now I can get back to uh... Um... Oh yeah saving that girl!
SLEEPING BEAUTY: Now that the wolf has finally stopped hopefully I can get some sleep.
(Sleeping beauty falls asleep finally)
PRINCE: I found this cottage maybe this is where the scream came from!
PRINCE: (sees Sleeping Beauty laying in bed) Maybe she is under a curse. (Kisses her forehead)
SLEEPING BEAUTY: (stands up) (throws Prince out of the house) I just want to sleep!
PRINCE: I just wanted to help. (Throws flowers on ground)
18Title: The hop scotcher.
Setting: In a play ground
DAVID: Wow look at that kid he sure is a nerd playing hop scotch all alone!
LISA: Actually he isn’t a nerd he wants to be alone because he is practicing for a hop scotch tournament!
JAKE: (Over hears them but ignores them and keeps hop scotching)
DAVID: Okay but still a hop scotch tournament? Sounds pretty nerdy to me.
LISA: I actually think it’s cool.
JAKE: (starts going faster because of what Lisa said)
DAVID: Cool? How is that cool?!
JAKE: (stops hop scotching) Kay why don’t you just go away David!
DAVID: Why don’t you make me Jake?
LISA: Kay boys stop fighting!
JAKE: Maybe I will!
DAVID: Sure you’re too scared. (Starts to walk away)
JAKE: (Grabs David and punches him knocking him to the ground)
(They roll around fighting for a min)
LISA: Kay that’s enough!
DAVID: Whatever I was going easy (walks away)
JAKE: Ha I totally won.
LISA: let’s go hop scotch together.
19Title: The Party
Setting: In someones house having a party. On a winter night. (College kids)
NATE: Let’s party forever!
BRET: Yo my parents said until 1 only.
NATE: Let’s party until 1!!
HOLLY: Haa your funny Nate.
BRET: Well if you think he is funny youll think im hilarious!
HOLLY: Kay have any jokes?
BRET: Oh yeah tons!
HOLLY: kay lets hear one?
BRET: Well.. um.. hold on
NATE: He aint got any jokes!
BRET: Yes I do! Just give me a min… Okay Knock knock.
HOLLY: Whos there?
HOLLY: Silly who?
BRET: silly goose!!
NATE: Ha Ha (sarcastically laughing) Soo funny.
HOLLY: Hey at least he tried!
( All the lights go out)
HOLLY: Hey what happened! This isn’t funny!
NATE: I’ll go check it out.
BRET: I’ll stay here with Holly. ( winks at her)
HOLLY: Aaactually we should stay together. Don’t you think?
BRET: Oh yeah… of course.
NATE: (whispers to Bret) ha that sucks bro!
HOLLY: Wait what was that? (points in front of them)
NATE: I didn’t see anything its so dark in here.
BRET: Ill save you from whatever it is Holly!
HOLLY: Oh thats sweet of you.
(Lights come on but only Bret is there)
BRET: What the? Where is everyone?!
20Title: Mr. Float
Setting: on a building in a big city.
MR. FLOAT: Hi I’m Mr. Float! My super power is I can float up and when I fall off somewhere I can float up a little bit right before I hit the ground so I won’t get hurt!
DROPPER: Mr. Float you won’t stop me this time! For I am the Dropper!
MR. FLOAT: Haa that’s funny! You couldn’t defeat me ever! I have no reason to go after you any ways.
DROPPER: That’s what you think.
MR. FLOAT: What do you mean? What did you do this time Dropper?!
DROPPER: you see that building over there?
MR. FLOAT: The Empire state building?
DROPPER: Yeah sure if you want to get all technical.
MR. FLOAT: Kay well what about it?
DROPPER: it has a giant bomb on top of it!
MR. FLOAT: But no one saw you putting that up there? No one at all?
DROPPER: Well it is New York people are busy these days. Kinda sad how (starts to rant about people being too busy for things while Mr. Float floats over to the bomb and puts it in space)
DROPPER: Hey!! I thought we were bonding!
MR. FLOAT: We’re on opposite sides how could we do that?
DROPPER: A hug could make it up?
MR. FLOAT: ughh fine!
(Dropper starts to plummet them both to the ground)
MR. FLOAT: You tricked me!!
DROPPER: its what I do best! Well besides dropping.
(Mr. Float and Dropper get to the bottom but Mr. Float floated up a little bit and wasn’t hurt at all because he escaped)
(Dropper get arrested)
COP: your coming with us Dropper!
DROPPER: Youll here from me again!!
21Title: The Choice
Setting: in a dark room
JAKE: what the? (waking up from being knocked out)
MANDY: Where are we?
JAKE: Whoa! Mandy its you!
MANDY: Oww don’t yell! My head hurts Jake!( feels around her head to find a gooseeggs)
(They both realized that theyre chained to a tabled hands and feet)
JAKE: what is this?! Why am I chained up?!
MANDY: ugh (struggling trying to get them off) I am too!
JAKE: (looks around the room) Theres only this one light above the table.
MANDY: yeah it looks like theres junk around the room thnough too.
JAKE: Theres a gun there!
JAKE: (reaches and grabs the gun) Why do we need this?
MANDY: okay come on stop playing the prank. Come get us out of here!
JAKE: Yeah lets go guys.
(waits a couple seconds but no response)
JAKE: I don’t think anyones coming…
MANDY: But.. They have too!
JAKE: im starving.
MANDY: Let me see the gun?
JAKE: what? Why?
MANDY: Come on just let me see!
JAKE: How do I know your not ganna shoot me or something?
MANDY: Why would I do that? Just shoot your cuffs to see if it does anything?
JAKE: okay (Shoots but nothing happenes)
MANDY: ugh I don’t know!
JAKE:heres the gun (hands it over)
JAKE: choose between my life and yours…
MANDY: What no way! How do we know that would even work?
JAKE: Just choose!
(people come out and yell)
JAKE: happy surprise birthday party!
MANDY: that was terrifying!
JAKE I know! It was awesome!
MANDY: But the goosebumb on my head?
JAKE: what goose bumb?
(Lights go out and mandy is gone when It turns back on)
JAKE: where did mandy go?!
22Title: The Light
Setting: National park at night.
GUARD 1: Pretty boring night huh?
GUARD 2: Yeah nothing much going on.
GUARD 1: Well i mean the most that usually goes on is we see a couple squirrels or something.
GUARD 2: The most excitement i've had here is watching a mouse scare you!
GUARD 1: Well first off it was a huge rat not a mouse. and Second off it was Scary!! So dont judge.
GUARD 2: Uh huh sure whatever makes you feel better about yourself.
GUARD 1: Shut up.
(Really bright object flies above them)
GUARD 2: Whoa wait what was that?
GUARD 1: I dont know it was Really bright though!
GUARD 2: Finally some excitement! lets go check it out!
GUARD 1: that is what we're paid to do.
(Drove over to where it landed)
GUARD 1: What is it?
GUARD 2: It looks like a ship or something?
GUARD 1: Hey dont get to close or touch it! We dont know what it is or could do.
GUARD 2: Well we cant just leave it here!
GUARD 1:Well lets call the boss and see what he says
( Guard 1 walks over to call the boss )
GUARD 2: Uhm.. Its getting brighter its doing something!
GUARD 1: Shush! im calling the boss!
GUARD 2: hurry!
GUARD 1: Boss get over here now and bring people!
GUARD 1: ahh you touched it didnt you!
GUARD 2: what?! no!
GUARD 1: get back its ganna explode!
(Guards run back)
GUARD 2: What the?
GUARD 1: Where did it go? wheres the dirt and stuff from when it crashed?
GUARD 1: oh god what are we ganna tell the boss?
(Boss and cops drive up)
BOSS: What were you guys talking about?! i got the cops it sounded pretty serious!
BOSS: you guys are fired if you dont tell me what it was!
GUARD 2: It was.. um.. a Squirrell?
GUARD 1: (looks down and nods head in shame)
BOSS: … YOUR FIRED!!!
23Title: Trust no one
Setting: Driving to Seattle
(Dave and Shelly talk in southern accent)
DAVE: You know what this is ganna be a great adventure together!
SHELLY: Yes I know darlin! I really hope its better then last trip…
DAVE: Oh come on Shells, stop with that attitude.
SHELLY: When what if our car breaks down again!
DAVE: Don’t worry about it, I actually checked everything this time!
SHELLY: You better have.
( Drive past some hitch hikers and decided to turn around to pick them up)
DAVE: Hello there, what shall your two names be?
KRYSTAL: Im Krystal, This here is Kaselyn.
KASELYN: How’s it going?
DAVE: We are just grand. Where you headed? Maybe we can give you a lift.
KRYSTAL: Seattle, any chance your going by?
SHELLY: That’s exactly where we are going! Hop in!
( They started to drive when suddenly Krystal pulls out a knife and says..)
KRYSTAL: STOP THE CAR NOW!!!
(Dave slams on the brakes and causes a huge car crash between six cars)
DAVE: WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!
24Title: The Hiking incident
Setting: Teenagers hiking in the mountains
JAKE: Hey guys.. we should go hiking?!
HANNA: Yeah i think that would be fun. i guess... (Snottily)
MIKE: Come on Hannah you know you want to. We always have fun adventures together!
JAKE: Yeah come on!
HANNAH: ugh fine just cause Mikes going.
MIKE: See i knew you wanted to come (Flirty)
(Jake walks away angry)
JAKE: COME ON GUYS!
(All run out the front door and start up the mountain)
HANNAH: Ughh how much longer?
MIKE: We just started.
JAKE: Guys do you hear that?
HANNAH: There isnt even anything there. stop trying to scare us.
JAKE: No seriously wait and listen i really do hear something.
MIKE: Kay dude if your trying to freak us out you won.
(Hannah scoots closer and grabs Mike)
HANNAH: Your kidding right?
JAKE: Shh (scoots closer to a bush)
MIKE: what are you doing bro?
JAKE: Just wait.
(Jake gets closer and closer then he gets sucked into a bush)
HANNAH: (Screams) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
MIKE: Maybe he is really being serious now…..
(Mike grabs Hannah’s hand and acts all brave when he says…)
MIKE: Come on! Let's go check it out, I will protect you!
HANNAH: Wow Mike you are such a great FRIEND
MIKE: ( Drops Hannah’s hand) SERIOUSLY!!! THAT IS ALL YOU THINK OF ME AS???? A FRIEND?!
(Mike walks over to the bush without Hannah)
MIKE: Uhm… I think we waited to long… He is dead.
25: (Point of View) JAKE FROM STATE FARM AND THE GIANT
(The Giant and his wife are in their living room, the giant eating and singing, his wife yelling at him about not helping out.)
GIANT: I was minding my own business one day, eating my chicken with my wife yelling at me and my beautiful golden goose laying them golden eggs, when there was a knock at my door. I answered it and a short chubby fellow was standing on my doorstep. He said his name was Jake from State farm.
JAKE: “Hello there good sir, I am here to offer you a deal of a lifetime! Now, there have been rumors of tall beanstalks growing out of the ground and destroying people’s homes, and then BAM! They become homeless! But, if you sign up with State Farm today you and your house can be saved!”
GIANT: I just stood there looking down at that stupid looking gumdrop, so I said the only thing I knew how to: "Fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman; Be he alive, or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread!" Jake ran off, with a little wet stain on his pants, and I never saw him again. But, I never knew I would someday need that “State Farm”...
#26: THE CELLPHONE
CELLPHONE: Dear Diary, today Stacy texted a really cute boy, posted 3 pics onto Facebook, liked 10 pics from Instagram, and tweeted her little thumbs away! She is one busy girl! I really like her, ya know using me all the time, and it makes me feel special. I go everywhere with her, there isn't a place that me and her haven't gone together! I'm either in her pocket, hand, book bag, or on her dresser. I'm always close by, I guess you could say me and her are best friends! I mean I play all of her favorite music, connect her to the internet, contact all of her friends, yeah I know I'm amazing. But it just really makes me upset when those "teachers" make Stacy put me away, like that hurts my feelings and makes Stacy upset, I can tell by the way she rolls her eyes. But that's what just happened, Mrs. Jones told Stacy the usual: "No cell phones in my classroom." Ugh...she sounds like a witch. Oh! I think the bell just rang cuz I can see Stacy's pink nail polish!
#27: PLOT TWIST…
(A cellphone, earbuds, and a notebook are all in a girl’s backpack together in a classroom. Cellphone is like a California girl, Earbuds is annoyed with everyone, and Notebook is depressed and jealous of Cellphone.)
CELLPHONE: Oh dang it! That stupid teacher made Stacy put me away…She was busy texting Jonathan…
NOTEBOOK: Oh be quiet you annoying piece of plastic! You have it the easiest…I’m never used…
EARBUDS: Oh you be quiet notebook! At least love notes get written on you, there’s nothing lovely about those girls’ ears…
CELLPHONE: Sshh you two! She’s opening the backpack! She’s going to grab me and finish telling Jonathan how cute he is!
(Notebook being grabbed) NOTEBOOK: YAY! Ha-ha I have been chosen! Eat that cellphone!
CELLPHONE: (Gasps) What?! WHAT?! Are you serious?! You have got to be kidding me! She needs to know that Jonathan just texted her! (Keeps ranting)
EARBUDS: Oh brother…
#28: (Action Plays) THE PLAYGROUND
(There is a little girl sitting alone on the swing set on a playground, she is playing with a dandelion, blowing all of the leaves off, wishing that someone would come play with her. A little boy on the opposite side of the playground is holding a ball also blowing on a dandelion, wishing someone would come play catch with him. The leaves from the dandelion blow away as the girl is watching them, they blow in the direction of the boy, and she sees him and smiles and goes over to him. She puts her hand on his shoulder, he looks up with a tear on his cheek and smiles. He stands up hands the girl the ball and they start playing catch.)
#29: THE SHOELACE
(A high school girl is sitting with her friends at a lunch table, her friends are talking about a new movie that just came out, while the girl is staring at a boy across the room from her. Her friends notice and urge her to go say hello to the boy. The girl, nervous, stands up from the table, but her shoelace is caught in the table so she falls. Embarrassed, she gets up and sits down glancing over at the boy to see if he noticed. Thinking that he didn’t the girl tries to ignore what just happened. When the lunch bell rings, the girl is picking up her stuff when all of a sudden something sticky and smelly lands on the front of her. She looks down to see hamburger meat all over her shirt, and running down the front of her pants. She looks up to see the boy that she was staring at earlier, is beet red, holding his tray, with one of his shoelaces untied. The girl looks at all of this and laughs, making the boy laugh. She reaches down and ties his shoelace and winks.)
#30: THE CASIER
(There is a cashier finishing checking out items to an older couple. Next in line is a mom with six kids, all very loud and rambunctious. Behind the mom is a group of teenagers and behind them a newlywed. The mom is hurrying to put her items on the counter. The cashier running through the items as fast as she can. When she gets to a box of cereal, it doesn’t ring up. Frustrated and nervous, she frantically keeps trying to get it to ring up. The mom and everyone behind her start to get impatient. The cashier notices and keeps running the item through. After many failed attempts, the cashier waves over another employee. The employee comes over, looks at the box, and laughs a little as she turns the box over on its other side, handing it back to the cashier. The cashier runs it through and it works. Bright red and embarrassed, the cashier continues checking out items.)
#31: (Scene) HORROR MOVIE MADNESS
(Five teenage girls are in a basement getting ready for a horror movie marathon. The girls’ names are Elizabeth, who is 16, she is like the leader of the group, Mallory, 16, very shy, Cheyanne, 16, very talkative, Alyssa, 15, who tries to act 18, and Katelynn, 15, who just loves to party. They are setting their blankets on the ground.)
ELIZABETH: I’m so glad you guys could make it! Like I made my parents and brothers leave so that we could have the house all to ourselves! We should totally do this every weekend!
CHEYANNE: Yeah, like we are gonna watch like 5 movies tonight right? And they’re gonna be super scary right? Like so scary that I might have to sleep with my light on. And hey did you bring licorice? Licorice like…
KATELYNN: (Handing Cheyanne a bag of licorice) Ok, so let’s get this thing started. 5 ridiculously scary movies check, popcorn check, candy check, soda check, 100 blankets check, enough pillows to cover the Great Wall of China, check. (Grabs bowl of popcorn.)
MALLORY: Yeah I’m ready! (Grabbing some popcorn from Katelynn) I say we start with The Grudge.
ALYSSA: Umm no I say we start off with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, because that is the scariest, and has the most gore, and blood.
ELIZABETH: Alyssa you can’t even get a scratch on your leg without almost fainting, I say we start with a classic, The Exorcist.
(The girls nod in agreement. Elizabeth puts in the movie, sits down and grabs the bowl of candy. Passing it to Mallory. About 20 minutes into the movie the lights start to flicker on and off.)
MALLORY: Umm Elizabeth…
CHEYANNE: (To Elizabeth) Hey stop those lights from flickering! We are trying to watch a movie!
ELIZABETH: (Getting up) Ok, calm down. (Flicks the light switch on and off, the flickering stops. She shrugs her shoulders and sits back down. 5 minutes later, the doors start slamming upstairs, along with the toilet flushing.)
ALYSSA: What the heck?! Elizabeth I thought you said that you made your brothers leave!
ELIZABETH: I did…
KATELYNN: Its OK guys calm down, my house has plumbing issues too, and my toilet goes off randomly sometimes. Let’s just watch the movie.
ALYSSA: Yeah guys, it’s not like it’s the hash-slinging slasher or something…
KATELYNN: Well obviously…
MALLORY: Yeah let’s listen to Katelynn… (Grabs blanket and puts it up to her chin.)
CHEYANNE: Yeah but guys what about the doors slamming?...
ELIZABETH: OK well who wants to go check it out? (No one moves)
MALLORY: It's your house!! You go check it out! (The girls agree, but then before Elizabeth has a chance to leave the room, the door to the room that they are in pounds. All of the girls scream, and then someone jumps out from behind the couch, holding a video camera, laughing hysterically. Then the door opens, and someone dressed like the Grim Reaper is standing in the door. Mallory, and Alyssa grab each other and scream. The "grim reaper" comes in the room, dropping to the floor laughing.)
ELIZABETH: (Realizing who they are) Nathan!?!? Thomas?!?! What are you doing here?! I thought I told you guys to leave!
NATHAN: Yeah well we got bored, and decided to come have some fun with you guys! Ha-ha (gives Thomas a high five).
THOMAS: (Taking off mask) Oh man we got you guys good! You should've seen your faces! (Imitates scared faces) Good thing we got it all on camera.
ALYSSA: (Standing up, angry) that was not cool you guys! Ugh...Boys are so stupid! (She picks up some popcorn and throws it at the boys. The other girls stand up and start throwing popcorn at the boys, along with hitting them with their pillows.)
32 (Superhero) THE HAIR MASTER
(There is a girl struggling combing her hair, she is looking at the mirror in her locker and starts to get very upset.)
GIRL: I wish there was someone who could just touch my hair and make it all beautiful! (Suddenly she feels a gush of wind and there is a girl with hair accessories all over her, she is wearing a big hat). Who are you?!
HAIR MASTER: I am the Hair Master! I help fix all of your hair problems! Bad hair days? Nope not with me in the picture! (The girl is smiling way big and can’t believe what she is seeing.)
GIRL: Ok well can you fix it? (Points to her hair)
HAIR MASTER: (Looks at ratted and puffy hair) Ha-ha of course I can! I’ve seen way worse! Believe me gum + hair = nu-uh. (She grabs a comb, and some hairspray and starts fixing the girls hair. When she is done, she tells the girl to look in the mirror.)
GIRL: (Her hair is flawless. She gasps) Oh my gosh! It’s perfect! (She keeps looking at her hair and can’t believe what just happened). Thank you Hair Master! You are amazing! (Gives her a hug)
HAIR MASTER: Ha-ha anytime! And yeah I know, I’m pretty amazing aren’t I? (Winks, starts to leave when the girl stops her.)
GIRL: Hey, why are you wearing that big hat?
HAIR MASTER: (Stutters) Umm, uh, well…I have my own hair problem. I tried doing something with my hair, and well it didn’t work. So now I have to wear this big hat to cover up my hair.
GIRL: Oh, well, I thought you could fix any hair problem? (Girl grabs hat off the Hair Master, and gasps when she sees that she has the craziest hair she’s ever seen.) What happened?
HAIR MASTER: Well I was born with this hair, and I hide it because it doesn’t go well with my ability.
GIRL: Well I think it does. (She smiles, and puts a clip in the Hair Master’s hair. The Hair Master smiles and hugs the girl.)
HAIR MASTER: Thank you, now you’re the Hair Master. (She winks, and leaves.)
The Princess and the Pee
(In the middle of many, many mattresses.)
PEE: You know, I’m not the bad guy here. Oh it’s the horrible pea that kept the princess from sleeping and almost stopped her from becoming the princess. Yeah well you got the story wrong! The pea wasn’t placed under the mattress because the princess was being tested, it was there because the princess had a bedwetting problem! So every night the princess would wet the bed and every morning they would pile a new mattress on top of the last. So you see it is not the Princess and the Pea but the Princess and the Pee. That’s pee like P-E-E if you didn’t realize. And now I’m the bad guy, left under all these mattresses to die. (shrugs) Such is life.
(BOY and GIRL arrive at the doorstep after their date. They both stand awkwardly waiting for something to happen. Then their eyes meet and they both lean in for a kiss. Suddenly people come in make lots of noise and frightens them out of the stance. Once the crowd leaves BOY and GIRL stand awkwardly again. But they decide to try again so they lean in but are interrupted again by the another giant crowd coming through and interrupting them. Again they sit awkwardly but try again but right when they are about the door opens and GIRL’s DAD comes out looking at BOY angry. DAD pulls GIRL inside and she says goodbye. As BOY is walking away, GIRL suddenly comes out, dips BOY into a kiss. And runs back inside. BOY stands there dumbfounded.)
The Haunted Mansion (Narration)
(In an abandoned old haunted mansion. KAREN and MIKE come inside shivering from the cold.)
NARRATOR: Muhahahaha!!!! Welcome to the haunted mansion.
(MIKE and KAREN look around for the strange voice they hear.)
NARRATOR: Here we find a young couple, Mike and Karen, who have just made the wrong turn to this house. Muhahahaha!!!
MIKE: (Looking out at the audience in the sky) Hey, who are you talking to?
NARRATOR: (Slight pause.) Are you talking to me?
MIKE: Yeah I’m talking to you. But who were you talking to before?
NARRATOR: You are supposed to hear me, I’m telling the audience about you guys.
KAREN: Well we can hear you.
NARRATOR: Just acted like you can’t, it makes for a better story.
KAREN: Okay, fine.
(KAREN and MIKE go back to shivering acting as though it never happened.
NARRATOR: (Clears throat.) So we come back to them taking the wrong turn. Muhahahaha!!!
KAREN: (Whispering) You’ve already said that.
NARRATOR: Shhh!!! But suddenly the furniture starts to move all by itself, and then strange noises come from behind a door. Karen clings to Mike for protection.
(Karen doesn’t do anything,)
NARRATOR: (Whispering) Cling to Mike.
KAREN: Oh, sorry.
(KAREN clings to Mike.)
NARRATOR: Mike feeling extra manly tonight, decides to open the door.
(MIKE hesitantly walks up and opens the door.)
NARRATOR: And inside is a wench!
(WENCH suddenly stops what she is doing, sticks out her tongue, and slams the door shut.)
MIKE: Goll, what a wench.
NARRATOR: Karen and Mike so frightened by their experience never return again. (Pause) You can leave now.
KAREN: Oh okay. Bye!!!
(KAREN and MIKE walk out of the haunted mansion.)
36 Captain America: Censoring the Enemy
(In a dark alley way. CAPTAIN AMERICA is fighting two thugs and punches one in the face.)
THUG 1: Why you little-
CAPTAIN AMERICA: No, no, no. (stops fighting.) What do you think you are doing?
THUG 1: Uhh… Fighting you…
CAPTAIN AMERICA: No, you almost swore.
THUG 1: So?
CAPTAIN AMERICA: So that word would have affected anyone walking by. Instead of the words you were about to say how about something like, “Golly gee willikers, that hurt!” or “Heaven’s to betsy!” Though that one is a little if-y.
THUG 2: Wow, those are… amazing!!
CAPTAIN AMERICA: See now let’s try that again.
(CAPTAIN AMERICA punches THUG 1 in the face.)
THUG 1: Holy Whiskers, you got me!
(THUG 1 falls to the ground.)
CAPTAIN AMERICA: (to THUG 2) Now you.
(CAPTAIN AMERICA punches THUG 2 in the face.)
THUG 2: Gee whiz, that hurt like being kicked in the bu-
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Uh uh. Bottom.
(THUG 2 falls to the ground.)
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Once again, Captain America has saved ears everywhere.
THUG 1 and 2: Thanks Captain America.
(They fall back unconscious. CAPTAIN AMERICA stands triumphant.)
In the Park
(MAN sits alone on a park bench looking around. People walk by minding their own business. Suddenly WOMAN jogs in stops at the bench and ties her shoe. MAN and WOMAN look at each other and smile. WOMAN sits down next to him. Both sit awkwardly for a few minutes until both suddenly stand up at receiving phone calls. But people come in from both stage left and right, bumping into them and pushing them into each other. They stand awkwardly for a second as the MAN holds the WOMAN. Then HE lets go of her and stands awkwardly. HE points to stage right and SHE points stage right. HE offers her his arm and SHE takes it. The walk off stage right together.)
Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?
(Deep in the woods at night)
(WOLF walks in, sneaking around the stage)
WOLF: Red? Red? You there?
(RED walks on. WOLF sees RED and they run to each other hugging each other.)
RED: Are you alright? The hunters didn’t get you did they?
WOLF: No I’m fine.
(They hug again.)
WOLF: The changing is getting easier to control now. Especially when you’re around. I need to stick by you Red or else I might lose myself.
RED: Good, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
WOLF: I’m still scared I might hurt you though. Why aren’t you scared?
RED: Because I don’t need to be. Besides, who’s afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?
(They walk off into the woods together.)
The Snickerdoodle Man
(On Drury Lane. GINGERBREAD MAN sitting sad on the ground. LUCY walks in and sees him.)
LUCY: Hey, Gingerbread Man.
GINGY: Oh hey, Lucy.
LUCY: Why so sad?
GINGY: Nothing, it’s fine.
LUCY: No really what’s wrong?
GINGY: Well, I was in the bakery today just minding my business.
(As he tells the story three more people walk in.)
GINGY: Then a man walked by and said…
LUCY: He said what?
GINGY: He said… “hey Snickerdoodle Man.”
LUCY: What how could he.
GINGY: I know right.
LUCY: It’s ok, Gingy. You’ll always be a Ginger in our hearts.
The Just-Ice League
(SUPERMAN, BATMAN, WONDER WOMAN, AQUAMAN, and GREEN LANTERN are in a restaurant.)
SUPERMAN: Ok guys now that we are a team, we have to come up with a name.
BATMAN: I’ve got it, the Batmen.
WONDER WOMEN: Eh, hem.
BATMAN: And woman.
SUPERMAN: No it’s gotta be something that involves all of us.
AQUAMAN: How about the Fish Friends.
WONDER WOMAN: How does that involve all of us?
AQUAMAN: The Fish and Friends?
GREEN LANTERN: How about-
BATMAN: Quiet Lantern, we’re trying to think here.
(WAITER comes in.)
WAITER: What would you all like to drink.
GREEN LANTERN: Just ice for me.
(WAITER walks away.)
WONDER WOMAN: Hey that’s it. Green Lantern gave us our name.
SUPERMAN: The Just Ice League.
BATMAN: But that’s already the name of a rapper.
WONDER WOMAN: Fine we’ll be the Justice League then.
41The Black Pantser
Characters: Teens wearing shorts( NOT underwear)
The Black Pantser
(Teens walk on stage wearing shorts instead of pants)
Teen 1: Hey, guys, whatsup?
Teen 2: I got pantsed on the way here.
Teen 3: Oh, that’s gotta hurt. (turns away snickering)
Teen 2: Hey, wait a minute, you guys were pantsed, too.
Teen 1: No, I wasn’t. Ok, I was.
Teen 3: Yeah, same here.
Black Pantser: (walk on stage) That’s because you are all victims of…… The Black Pantser!
Teen 2: What’s with the getup?
Black Pantser: This is not a “getup.” This is my totally evil Pantser outfit. And you guys were totally Black Pantsered!
Teen 3: Black what-ered?
Black Pantser: You guys don’t know a good villain when they pants you.
Setting: Onstage, one kid between 4 or 5 others.
Characters: Timmy, Jimmy, Ginny, Tommy, Johnny, Jamie
Timmy: Hey guys, do you think dragons are real?
Jimmy: No way.
Ginny: Not really.
Johnny: They do not exist.
Jamie: Definitely extinct.
Timmy: Well, yeah, but then what starts the forest fire last year?
Everyone: You did!
Jimmy: Oh, yeah.
Timmy: Ok then, what about those reptiles in that huge nest?
Ginny: Salamanders. And the nest wasn’t that big.
Timmy: But, what about---.
Timmy: Ok, but---.
Everybody: Dragons don’t exist.
Timmy: (starts to say a couple of things, then says) Point taken.
Everyone stands on stage with their hands out to their sides, like a tree. Pruner comes out and start pruning each one. After he passes, assume a funny pose.
44The Leafblower Incident
Everyone is laying around on the ground when an engine starts. Everyone looks scared and starts to sit up. Then the blower starts up and everyone starts rolling away. Then the blower comes on stage, and bows.
45A Therapy Session of Johns
Setting: Everyone’s sitting in a semi-circle.
Characters: Psychologist, John Smith, John Cougar, John Deere, Jimmy John
Psychologist: We are gathered here today to listen to the endless complaints of men named John. John Smith, you first.
John Smith: First off, I want to complain that my name is so overused. Seriously, How many John Smith’s have you heard of? I know of about 3,000. Ok that might be an exaggeration.
Psychologist: Ok, then. John Cougar, your complaint.
John Cougar: There is an album with my name on it. Where is the money? My name is trademarked and Kyle Suburban--
Psychologist: Keith Urban.
John Cougar: Whatever. Mr. Suburban used my name in his song and didn’t ask my permission.
Psychologist: Alrighty. Uh, Mr. John Deere?
John Deere: My only complaint is that there are all these tractors and four-wheelers and farming equipment with my name on it. My complaint is that, of all the names they could’ve picked, they picked mine and made me into a metaphorical piece of rumbling metal.
Psychologist: Strange. Mr. Jimmy John
Jimmy John: What’s with all these sandwich places named after me? I don’t like sandwiches and there are all of these…. what are they called, fast food joints? Anyway,they took my name and slapped it on the most horrifying, evil, disgusting thing in the world: A sandwich.
Psychologist: Psychotic. Well, I guess it’s my turn. My name is-- (don’t say it)
Johns: Out with it!
Psychologist: I am John Jimmy Cougar Deere Smith, owner of the sandwich joint, Jimmy John’s, and proud owner of John Deere tractor company, and best friend of Keith Urban.
Johns: Well, This just got awkward.
Setting: At the Mall.
Characters: Jim Carrey
Jimmy John: Hey, hey you! Yeah you at the Jimmy John Cafe! Oh, my gosh! It’s Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey: Who said that?
Jimmy John: It was me! The owner of the cafe you’re in!
Jim Carrey: Oh I didn’t know you were the owner
Jimmy John: That’s ok. Hey, how about I give you some coffee? For Free?
Jim Carrey: Yeah Free Coffee!!!!!
Jimmy John: So, in your acting career, what was your favorite part to play? Was it Ace Ventura or The Mask?
Jim Carrey: It was both of those movies
Jimmy John: Are you sure? I thought it was funnier in Ace Ventura even though I’ve only seen part of it.
Jim Carrey: Ok Ace Ventura was my favorite
Jimmy John: Are you sure you’re Jim Carrey?
Jim Carrey: Yes I am
Jimmy John: You hesitated. you liar.
Jim Carrey: Liar Liar was a good movie
Jimmy John: How do I know if you’re the real Jim Carrey and not a look-alike?
Jim Carrey: Trust me i am
Jimmy John: Prove It.
Jim Carrey: How?
Jimmy John: I don’t know think of something.
Jim Carrey: I will cite a line from one of my movies
Jimmy John: Anyone can do that!
Jimmy John: Well this is Awkward.
Jim Carrey: Yes it was and i’m not really Jim Carrey i’m George Hathern
Jimmy John: I figured, your books are horrible.
George Hathern: Yes they are
Setting: Crayon Box
Red: Hey, everybody! I’m Red!
Blue: Shut up! Everyone knows you’re red. Your face is red with embarrassment.
Red: You look like you have been holding your breath. For ten minutes.
Purple: I take offense at that. His face would be purple, not blue.
Green: I don’t feel so good. (groan)
Yellow: (run across the stage shouting) I need to go, I need to go! Excuse me, where’s the restroom? (runs off stage)
Brown: Hey, now that I think about it, I need to go to. (runs off after Yellow)
Purple: Everyone, hold your breath.
(Everyone puffs out their cheeks and close their eyes)
A True Story
Setting: At the top of the hill where Jack and Jill went.
Jill: Alright Hercules, time to put your strength to the test. You told me that you could beat me down the hill while carrying three buckets of water and without spilling one drop. So on the count of three, we will race to the bottom.
Jack: Easy enough. Are you sure you don’t want me to give you a head start?
Jack: Alright, let’s do this. Get ready to eat my dust, Jillian.
Jack: (to the audience) I feel like such an idiot. I can’t believe that I made a bet with Roadkill Jill. She’s gonna flatten me before I take Five steps.
Jill: Three, Go!
Jack: Here goes nothing. (Start running then trip) AAAAAACCCCKKKKK!!
Jill: Well, consider me impressed. You beat me down the hill carrying three buckets of water and without spilling a drop. The only thing that wasn’t a part of the bet was getting hurt.
Jack: (speak slowly) I think…..my head…… is broken.
Jill: And the all-time winner of foot racing is…. Clumsy ACK-Jack!
Jack: (from the ground) A little help, concussion here.
Jill: Oh, but you’re such a big strong man. Can’t you do it yourself.
Jack: I bet I can beat you to the house.
Jill: Deal. (takes off running)
Jack: Here’s Jack, biggest knucklehead of them all. What did I get myself into this time?
#49- How Harry Potter 7 Should’ve Ended.
(In a Place Called Hogwarts)
Harry: “You can’t kill me Tom Riddle AKA Voldemort.”
Voldemort: “Of course I can you four eyed boy”
Harry: “Let’s finish this the way we started Tom… Together!”
(Harry and Voldemort took out their wands and duel)
Voldemort: “You’re a good dueler Harry, I’m starting to think that I shouldn’t have gone easy on you these last 17 years.”
Harry: (in a strained voice) “I’m kind of wishing you were still going easy on me right now.”
(Hermione walks in)
Hermione: “Ughhhhh Harry, quit being such a baby all the time, you’re supposed to be the main character in this movie but all you do is whine all the time, and you make other people fight and die for you, while you go cry about your dead parents in a corner.
Harry: “Hey now that was uncalled for.”
Hermione: “What are you going to do cry!?!”
(Harry turns to face Hermione)
Harry: “Just because your parents are still alive doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk!”
(Voldemort points his wand towards Harry)
Voldemort: “Avada Kedavra”
(Harry falls to the floor and dies)
#50- The axe in the wood
Narrator: “Once upon a time, there was a magician who had an axe.”
Magician: “Hereby whoever is worthy enough to pull this axe out of this block of wood will become king of the woods.”
Narrator: “The magician slams the axe into a piece of wood, and then leaves.”
Narrator: “One day a boy was walking through the woods when he saw an axe in a block of wood.”
Little boy: “An axe, in a piece of wood, how absurd, I better tell papa.”
Narrator: “He then runs home to tell his father.”
Little boy: “Papa, while I was walking in the woods, I saw an axe in a block of wood.”
Papa: “Hmmmm, Well then, let’s go and retrieve it.”
Narrator: “They then leave towards the woods.”
Narrator: “The father sees the stone and tries to pull it out.”
Papa: “It’s too strong, I couldn’t get in a million years.”
Narrator: “The father leaves but the boy stays behind.”
Little boy: “Not In a million years eh.”
Narrator: “The little boy with all his might, pulls the axe out of the wood.”
Little boy: “Wow, I got it, I can’t believe I got it.”
Narrator: “The trees then came alive and bowed down to their king.”
Magicians Voice in background: “Hereby whoever is worthy enough to pull this axe out of this block of wood will become king of the woods.”
Narrator: “The End!”
The legendary outlaw:
(Fwhgads is on his computer looking for crime.)
Fwhgads: If there’s crime to be stopped, you can count on me to save the day.
What’s this, it’s my arch nemesis, Choncho! I’ll will stop him no matter the cost.
(Fwhgads leaves to fight crime. He meets choncho.)
Choncho: Ahhhh fwhgads, Glad you could make it.
Fwhgads: I’m glad I could too, so I can stop you in your track.
Choncho: You could, or, I could kill you.
Fwhgads: aww there’s no special treatment for little old me Choncho.
(They fight and fight, till finally Fwhgads comes out on top.)
Fwhgads: Too bad for you, good wins just like always.
Choncho: Drat, curse you fwhgads.
#52- Batman Vs Superman
(Batman and Superman walk in.)
Batman: Why did you summon me here superman.
Superman: I thought we could work together.
Batman: Wait what? You and me.
Superman: of course.
Batman: You’re kidding me.
Batman: You can level a mountain with one punch.
Superman: Yeah but your genius mind alone is…
Batman: Completely useless compared to you. My arch nemesis is Bane, He’s just an oversized jock, and he straight up broke my back.
Batman: You could’ve took him out with one hand, and with the other hand, you could’ve been holding a baby or something.
Superman: Now don’t sell yourself short Batman.
Batman: Yeah well why do you have an S on your chest huh, so people won’t forget your name?
Superman: It’s my people’s symbol for hope.
Batman: Hope starts with an H Idiot!
Superman: Fine. I get the point, I’m leaving!
#53- The sleepover
One dark night, there was a flash of lightning. Little Timmy and his best friend, little Jimmy were having a sleep over. The lights went out. There was a flash of lightning, and little jimmy was dead. Little Timmy screamed so loud. He was so scared, and then he ran out of the house. Another lightning strike, and there was a ghost in front of him. He froze in place. The ghost was coming straight towards him. No one remembers the day they died, no one except for little Timmy, and little Jimmy who are now in heaven.
#54- The Message
We moved into our new house. It was dark, chilly, and very old. When we got into the house, there was writing on the wall. It said that something was coming. We soon learned what that meant. Three days after we moved in, there was an alien abduction. They took my parents, and they left me with nothing.
#55- The Basketball Game
There are 5 seconds left in the basketball game, and we are down by one. I drive in for the layup. I get fouled. I get 2 free throws. Everything is counting on these two shots. I shoot the first, and barely make it. The ref gives my back the ball. The clutch is getting to me. The sweat is dripping down my face. I prep… I shoot… I SCORE
#56- A man walking up the stairs.
(A man is walking up the staircase, and the stairs are grunting in pain and agony, with every step the man takes. The man gets to the top and then remembers something. Then he goes back down. Poor Stairs.)
Setting: Inside Wendy’s bedroom. PETER is talking to WENDY and TINKERBELL is off to the side a bit, folding her arms with an angry look on her face.)
PETER PAN: Come on Wendy, let’s go to the place where we will never grow up!
(WENDY grabs PETER'S hand and they go to the window)
WENDY: (Protesting) But Peter, I can’t fly.
PETER PAN: Of course you can! All we need is a little faith, trust, and pixie dust! Come on Tink, give them some pixie dust.
(PETER PAN and WENDY both turn and finally look over at TINKERBELL, excited and pleading looks on their face.)
TINKERBELL: (looks to other way) Nope.
PETER PAN: Come on, don’t be that way.
TINKERBELL: don’t be which way? Because the last time I checked the last, and only way it was before was PETER PAN AND TINKERBELL. NOT THIS CHICK.
WENDY: (Curious) What is she saying?
TINKERBELL: WHAT AM I SAYING? OH NO, IM ABOUT TO-
PETER PAN: She’s just needs a minute to recharge the dust. She’s running low…
TINKERBELL: (Disappointed) Really? That’s the best you could come up with?
(PETER PAN just shrugs his shoulders.)
TINKERBELL: Well, I refuse to give her any of my dust. It costs me 25 berries to even get an OUNCE of this stuff and I don’t want to waste it all on someone like her!
(PETER PAN sighs as he picks up TINKERBELL and begins to shake her all over WENDY. White stuff begins to fall from her and onto WENDY)
WENDY: Oh this pixie dust is wonderful!
(PETER PAN puts TINKERBELL back down who has an enraged look on her face)
TINKERBELL: THAT’S NOT PIXIE DUST! IT’S... IT’S… IT’S DANDRUFF YOU’RE ALL INFECTED NOW!
PETER PAN: Hush up Tink, let’s go!
(PETER PAN and WENDY jump off the window and TINKERBELL scowls before flying after them.)
58 Setting: 2 men are on the run, bags are on their back and they come up to a big wall.
MAN 1: What are we going to do?!
MAN 2: (Concentrated) I’m not sure, let me think.
MAN 1: Well you have like 2 minutes before the cops get here, so you better think fast.
MAN 2: I got it! Let’s pretend to be a part of the wall!
MAN 1: (Seriously look) I think you’re idea to exchange gummy bears for lottery tickets was smarter than this….
(Hears some footsteps offstage. The Men
COP: They are here somewhere… (Puts his hands on his hips) I’m pretty sure they came this way…
(MAN 1 sneezes, MAN 2 glares and hits his chest)
COP: (Glares) Who’s there?!
MAN 1: Umm it’s me, the great wall.
(MAN 2 hits him again)
COP: I didn’t know that walls could talk?
MAN 1: Well they do now.
COP: Did you see 2 men coming this way?
MAN 2: (smart idea on his mind) Yes we did, you just missed them.
COP: Wait so are there 2 walls here?
MAN 1: umm no we both share this one, you know, to keep out all the bad people.
COP: (realization) That makes sense, can you by chance tell me which way they went?
MAN 1: Left
MAN 2: Right
COP: Both ways? I guess I better climb this wall to catch up to them faster.
(COP climbs on top of the men and they groan in pain but get him over)
COP: I wish they would’ve trained up how to climb walls properly in the police school.
Man 1: They should've let the smart ones actually graduate from it.
(MAN 2 hits him on the chest)
MAN 1: (hand on his chest) would you stop hitting me?
COP: What’s that down there?
MAN 2: Oh it's nothing. Are you over yet?
COP: No, you aren’t exactly the easiest wall to get over.
MAN 2: let us give you a lift.
COP: That would be great-
(MAN 1 and 2 push him over and he falls off onto the other side.)
COP: I’M COMING FOR YOU NOW! (Runs offstage)
(The 2 men shrug their shoulder before walking off the other direction.)
59 ACTION PLAY
A group of people are on the side of the stage, in a U shape form, but you can still see everyone. On the other side of the stage, a girl comes and sits down on a chair. Another woman comes up behind her and questions how long she would want her hair cut. She uses her fingers to ‘cut’ the hair and as soon as she cuts on piece, the first person on the right screams in pain as they fall down on their knees. One of them can fall on half of their knees, and wait ‘til the other one next to him falls down too.
Girl walks onstage and plugs something into a wall. On the other side of the stage, there are few people, just smiling and standing still. A Bing goes off and the girl smiles while picking up the device. She grabs a section of hair and brings the device to the hair, wrapping it around, curling her hair. As she brings wraps it around, the people on the other side of the stage say stuff like “Ow: “Wow that’s hot” and they squirm uncomfortably. The girl lets go of the hair and the people sigh in relief. She scrunches up her face, not liking the way that the hair curled, and grabs the piece of hair again, recurling it. The people scream in more pain and begin to scrunch together. she lets go of the hair and they sigh in relief once more, happy that the pain is over. An angry look crosses her faces as she grabs the piece again, claiming that the 3rd time’s a charm. The hairs scream in agony and begin to curl their bodies, also getting closer together to show that they have finally been curled. The girl smiles as she unplug the curler, running her fingers through her hair before skipping offstage. The hairs continue to cry in their positions.
Setting: A young man is in a village, one from older times with people going around minding their own business.
EDGAR: (Running onstage) Oh what a joyous day it is today! I will finally ask the love of my life to be with me forever! (He straightens out his clothes, slicks back his eyebrows and hair, then smells his breath. He gags at the smell and pops in a mint.) Off to the village I go!
(EDGAR runs to the other side of the stage and desperately looks around. ISABELLE comes onto the stage and EDGAR runs over to her.)
EDGAR: Isabelle! (He grabs her hands smiles) My love, I have loved you since the day I laid my eyes upon your beautiful face. Will you give me the honor (gets down on one knee) in being my wife?
ISABELLE: Oh Edgar, love of mine, how much I want to say yes, but I have already been tied down to another that my father has chosen for me, I’m so sorry. (She grabs her hand back and runs offstage, covering her face.)
(EDGAR sadly gets back up and walks over to the other side of the stage, slumping along the way. He gets to the end and falls down, weeping into his hands.)
EDGAR: I was too late. I lost her to another…
(Suddenly a rumbling noise is heard offstage and suddenly a tree appears in front of EDGAR. He takes a step back, clearly surprised at what just appeared in front of him.)
EDGAR: (confused and scared) What are you?
TREE: I am the great and powerful Tree of all Wonderful Things and I am here to help you with your devastating tragic love life.
EDGAR: (quietly): It’s not so tragic…
TREE: Oh trust me boy, it’s tragic. (Shakes head) Moving on, I am here to give you this fruit (Leans a branch over to him and shows him the glowing love fruit.)
TREE: Let her father eat this fruit, one bite of it will change his mind and he will let the two of you wed.
EDGAR: (eagerly takes the fruit from the branch) Thank you kind tree for this wonderful fruit! I cannot thank you enough! Oh my lover, here I come! (He runs offstage)
TREE: (Waits until EDGAR is gone before he begins to laugh to himself.) Oh silly Edgar, don’t you know that all wonderful things in this life all come with a price? (Laughs to himself before slipping away off the stage.)
Setting: few superheroes are seating in a half circle, twiddling their thumbs and the buttons on their suits to distract themselves.
LEADER: I bet you are all wondering why I have asked all to come here today…
SUPERMAN: Yeah, I thought we were going to have a flying contest, I even brought my best cape!
BATMAN: I even brought my batmobile…
LEADER: Well, I’m sorry to have lied to you, but I needed you all to come here to talk about a very important issue.
SPIDER MAN: What’s the issue? I mean, it must be more important than going to see a spider farm.
LEADER: Well, the citizens of the city are a little bit… concerned about the way you guys save people.
SUPERWOMAN: What do you mean? We save the people from harm! Why are they complaining?
LEADER: Well Superwoman, the complaints about you always were that inappropriate outfit to save the city and it’s making the citizens very uncomfortable.
LEADER: And you Batman, talk in that deep voice and it scares everyone away from you.
LEADER: Spiderman, you just leave your strings of web everywhere all over the city, so people and other animals get caught in them.
SPIDER MAN: It’s not my-
LEADER: And you (Points to HULK) destroy everything in your path. They’re sick of having to clean up the messes that you make.
HULK: Hulk sad.
SPIDER MAN: So are you saying we should stop saving people?
LEADER: Well , no but_
(Everyone begins to get in a fight, fighting about how they save the city and LEADER arguing against them.)
HULK: (Screaming) HULK SMASH
(HULK goes around destroying everything in sight and LEADER sighs, putting his hand over the bridge of his nose.)
LEADER: I knew this wasn’t a good idea.
63 DRAMATIC #1
Setting: A modern sized home with young woman sets the table, putting food out to get ready for dinner.
MOTHER: Everyone come down for dinner!
(MOTHER sets some plates on the food and FATHER and SARAH come onto the stage. They all take a seat and begin to dish food onto their plates.)
MOTHER: How was your day sweetie?
SARAH: (With food in her mouth) Oh good.
MOTHER: (Turns to FATHER) And you?
FATHER: (grumbling) It was okay, still working everyday.
MOTHER: (Sighs) You’re always just working.
FATHER: Because I am?
SARAH: Hey, I have something important to tell you guys.
MOTHER: Oh, what do you work on then?
FATHER: My work for my job?
SARAH: Mom, dad, I got expelled at school today…
MOTHER: (Raises voice) Oh you mean the job that you’ve had for the past 12 years?
FATHER: Yes that is the job actually. You know, the job that happens to put a roof over your heads.
SARAH: (Looks at both parents, confused) Do you guys not care?
MOTHER: (Scoffs) That’s actually my job that’s doing all the work.
FATHER: Since when does a medical doctor earn more than a lawyer?
SARAH: (waves arms in the air) Hello? Are you guys even listening?
MOTHER: When have they not earned more?
FATHER: Since the beginning of all things, when else?
SARAH: (Trying to get their attention) Mom, Dad, and Johnny are pregnant.
MOTHER: They haven’t even been around that long!
SARAH: I’m dropping out of high school.
FATHER: How would you know? You never even had to learn about the history of our world!
MOTHER: Excuse me?
SARAH: WHY AREN’T YOU LISTENING? UGHH THIS HOUSE IS A NIGHTMARE!
(Everyone looks at SARAH before getting out of their chairs, slamming them back into the table, and stomping offstage. SARAH huffs before slumping back into her chair and crossing her arms over her chest.)
Setting: A young man is leaning over a cliff, hanging onto his lover with shaky hands.
MAX: I don’t know how much longer I can hold you.
LISA: Am I weighing you down?
MAX: (Shamefully) No um… I need to go use the little boy’s room.
LISA: Please, ever let go Max.
MAX: I won’t. I won’t ever leave you. The boy’s room can wait.
LISA: Wait, no no, it can’t! Let go of me Max, go fulfill your business.
MAX: I can’t drop you Lisa, I love you too much.
LISA: I love you too Max, just please don’t forget me when I go.
MAX: I could never forget you Lisa, I won’t.
(MAX lets go of LISA’S hand and cries as she falls to the ground. LISA hits the ground, which was only a few feet below her. She sits up surprised and laughs at her silly thoughts of the drop being a lot bigger. When MAX drops LlSA, he quickly runs off stage.)
LISA: Oh, well that wasn’t too bad I guess.
(LISA gets up brushes dirt from her jeans. MAX appears onstage and zips up his zipper before charging towards the cliff and jumping off.)
MAX: I’M COMING FOR YOU MY LOVE!
(MAX jumps off and lands on his stomach. LISA quickly runs over to him and grabs his hands.)
LISA: Max! Oh my goodness are you okay?
MAX: I don’t think I’m going to make it…
LISA: Please don’t go Max!
(MAX makes choking sounds and holds his hands to his neck, trying to breathe, before dropping back onto the ground, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.)
LISA: Oh Max no! (Weeps into his chest.)
(MAX lifts his head up and smiles while holding his thumb up. When LISA looks up at him he becomes “dead” yet again. LISA continues to cry to him.)
Scene: children are doing various activities on the stage (ex. hopscotch, jumprope, etc…..)
A little boy is playing with the other children. He suddenly trips and falls to the ground, in doing so, he cuts his knee. The boy starts moaning in pain. The children take notice and gather around. One goes to get a teacher.
TEACHER: Timmy, are you ok? (kneels down next to Timmy)
TIMMY: (choking on sobs) I hurt my knee.
TEACHER: I know just the person to help you. The HeroX!
TIMMY: Who? (looks around in confusion)
HEROX: Why me Timmy. I’m HeroX, my special weapon is hand sanitizer or Germ-X. That cut needs disinfectant.
TIMMY: (scared) That’s ok. It’s really not that bad.
HEROX: Nonsense. There are germs crawling all over your knee and entering the open wound. It needs to be cleansed. Now if you would just hold still….
TIMMY: I think I’m fine Mr. I’ll just go and play now. (Starts to leave)
HEROX: (to teacher) I am in need of your assistance civilian. Retain him. (The teacher nods and then grabs Timmy and holds him to the ground.) This will all be over it a moment. (HeroX leans over Timmy and applies the sanitizer to his knee. Timmy starts screaming and convulsing) There, all done. (The teacher releases Timmy and slowly rises. Timmy is sobbing on the ground)
TEACHER: Well done HeroX. Another infection has been prevented.
66 all in a day’s work.
Scene: two girls sitting in the center of the stage, one behind the other.
NIGHT: I was once tortured. There was no light in my life. Despair was the color that stained my soul. Then you came.
You just showed up one day without warning, floating as a ray of sunshine. You brought color into my dark world.
(Day lifts up the girl behind Night and they freeze)
You showed me hope, it was a foreign concept to me. I was a stranger to this way of thinking. Sunshine and color confused me, but you showed me the way.
(Spins the girl)
I wanted you to stay forever, only forever couldn’t last. You left me.
I fell back into the pool of despair.
(The girl goes back behind Night)
The memories of color fading from my mind. I was alone. Then you came again, as my sunlight.
(DAY lifts back up the girl and they freeze in an embrace)
Scene: Stuffed animal is alone sitting on the edge of the stage.
STUFFED ANIMAL: (quiet voice) Whether or not you realize it, I’ve always been there for you. I was there through all of the tears, rage, and sleepless nights. You loved me then.... I remember the first time I saw you. You were so cute in your pink polka-dotted shirt. You immediately looked up to the top shelf. Our eyes met and for the first time, I knew where I belonged. Right next to your side. Things were wonderful, then something changed. You just disappeared one day, without any sort of explanation. I was on the floor waiting for you to come back. I waited for what seemed like days, but it was only a few hours. You came in and barely glanced at me. The next day your mom came and put me on the shelf. I’ve sat there ever since. Now I’m lucky if I get a glance. I knew this was too good to be true but still I hope, that one day, you will come and play with me again. I’ll wait forever if I have to.
Scene: A man is standing alone on the side of the stage looking at his phone.
A woman runs in and trips on the ground.
The man goes to help her up and sees that she’s crying. She points to the side of the stage where she entered and makes a pleading gesture. The man nods and runs off stage and the woman collapses in sobs.
(ENTER MAN AND CHILDREN)
A few seconds later he emerges with two children. They’re coughing and crying. The woman sees them and hurriedly runs over to the man. She hugs the children tightly and they hug her back. The man stands there watching the display. He realizes that he’s no longer needed so he starts to walk away. The woman looks up and notices him leaving. She raises out her hand and beckons him back. He comes and she pulls him into the group hug. The man helps all of them to their feet and they exit to the opposite side of the stage.
Title: That one thing
Scene: Two people walk by each other in a hall. Mark is on his phone.
MARK: (Looks up from their phone) Hey, wait. Don’t I know you.
JESSICA: (stops and looks at person 1) No, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before.
MARK: I’m Mark. You know, I was at the one place yesterday.
JESSICA: (recollecting) I was there too. With that one person.
MARK: At the one place.
JESSICA: Yes, I think I remember. We were doing the one thing.
MARK: With the person, at the place.
JESSICA: And that one song that was playing.
MARK: I knew that I recognized you during the song, doing the thing, with the person at the place.
JESSICA: (starts laughing) I have no idea what you’re talking about. (starts to walk away) I was never at the place, with the person, doing the thing, during the song.
MARK: Jessica, don’t go.
JESSICA: How do you know my name?
MARK: (romantic) How could I ever forget? You were there, sitting at the table in the corner with Jason. The Cyndi Lauper song started playing and our eyes met. You rose from the table and we dance for what seemed like forever. I could never forget you.
JESSICA: Well, apparently you did because it must have been somebody else.
Scene: opens on three trees in various poses.
While swaying in the wind, the trees warily view the approaching person. Lumberjack walks up to the first tree and beings to pantomime swinging an ax. Tree 1 screams in pain, and after a few good wacks, topples to the ground then is silent. Tree 2 and 3 start panicking while the Lumberjack drags off Tree 1. He returns and begins to cut down Tree 2. Tree 3 stares in complete horror as the same thing happens to Tree 2. The Lumberjack returns and goes up to Tree 3. Tree 3 is terrified. The Lumberjack lays down his ax and takes a nap under Tree 3. Tree 3 reaches down and grabs the ax.
Scene: A girl runs out onto the stage. A boy runs in after her
JOHN: (Extends his hand) Rachel don’t leave me.
RACHEL: (stops) John, you know that I have to go.
JOHN: Rachel, I love you.
RACHEL: That’s sweet but I need to leave.
JOHN: No Rachel. Ever since I laid eyes on you my heart hasn’t stopped beating. Everytime I’m around you I melt into my shoes.
RACHEL: John, really?
JOHN: (long and dramatic) You need to hear me. You’ve been by my side every step of the way. Your smile has brought light into my dark life. I see color whenever I’m with you. I’ve loved you ever since we met. I still remember our song and how you smiled at me when we danced. I remember how your friends said it would never work but it did. We were happy Rachel. Can’t you see that.
RACHEL: I know John but I have to go.
JOHN: No you don’t.
RACHEL: Yes I do, you know that I’ll lose my job if I don’t. I’ll see you tomorrow.
JOHN: No!!!!!! (collapses into sobs)
Title: Missing sock
Scene: The scene starts in a laundry room Socks just came out of the washer
SOCK 1: (dizzy) That was fun. It’s always nice to get rid of that feet smell.
SOCK 2: I’m just glad it’s over. I don’t think I could have taken another revolution (dry heaves).
SOCK 1: You spoil sport, it was fun and you know it. (playfully shoves Sock 2) Just because you’re the left sock doesn’t mean that you have to be such a downer all the time.
SOCK 2: And just because you’re the right sock you don’t have to be so cheerful. I think that I’ve had enough of this life. It’s time that I left and got a new job.
SOCK 1: Yea right, wait, you’re serious? (Sock 2 nods) You would just leave me?
SOCK 2: I’m fed up being used incorrectly. Do you remember the time that she went outside after it had rained?
SOCK 1: Oh yes, it was great fun jumping in those puddles…
SOCK 2: I was soaked and freezing. And does she put us by the fire? No! She leaves us wadded up in a ball.
SOCK 1: It wasn’t that bad…..
SOCK 2: I’m leaving. Are you going to come with me?
SOCK 1: No, she needs someone to keep her feet warm. What should I tell her?
SOCK 2: I don’t know, make up a story about how some troll who steals left socks took me.
SOCK 1: Like she’d buy that.
SOCK 2: Even if she doesn’t, it’s not my problem now. No matter how hard she tries she’ll never find the missing left sock.
(EXIT Sock 2)
73 Title: Some guy
They look at me like I’m crazy, they look at me like I’ve completely lost my mind. What they don’t know as that I’m nothing but a genius, who else could get away this many murders without a trace of blood on their hands. They tried to hit me with rode side bombs, they’ve tried to kill me explosives In suitcase, but what makes me truly insane is the fact that they cannot get too me. My power is reluctant and the only person that can take me out of this world is me, but when is the right time? As soon as they wipe entire cities and kill innocent civilians, or out of nowhere leaving millions of troops stranded no leader no rules, what about both? Haha that’ll work.
Everybody will act like they are wilted flowers, and one person will be the gardener than comes and waters them so that they can get back too looking good.
Setting: Baseball field
We will have all the positions filled and one person be the ball and another person be a bat, we will act out a play of baseball.
76Title: Fight night
Setting: Jake lobs party
Frank I’m just tired of you being all over every single girl at this party, like for real you need to you show me a little more respect than that (Sally grabs franks hand), I think we should get out of here and head back to Brigham the party is dying off anyway. Well I think a few of the girls over there wanted too hangout with me (Frank makes eye contact with them). Are you freaking kidding me you psycho, you don’t even care about me, I’m going home you can find a different way home. (Slaps frank in the face). Frank: what up ladies
Setting: North pole
Santa clause comes flying through on his rip stick, he can shred better than anybody else on this entire planet. He’s a super here because who else can do a 360 big spin tre flip on a rip stick. He zooms into your house on his amazing rip stick, too deliver your presents, it’s truly amazing. He can do it at light speed, almost in the blink of an eye, it is truly mind blowing.
around 5 minutes ask john! Super hero, I think yes, he one yard of the month for Omaha Nebraska .
78 Title: cmbond747
Setting bc utah
Camron bond: With a plow king hat on and a dirty dodge he plows the roads at extremely high speeds, you couldn’t touch him with a 39 and a half foot pole. These roads need a hero in town, a super hero, someone with a bunch of baby puppies and some G2. The cops run him down, but he runs that snow right into the ground, he almost set the rode right on fire he is going so fast, he is the plow king.
around 5 minutes ask john! Super hero, I think yes, he one yard of the month for Omaha Nebraska .
79 Title: John Legend
Setting: his backyard
John Legend scoots and boogies down the road with his woes, he is the fastest lawn in the mid-west. He can cut grass faster and more precise than anybody on the planet, if you want your lawn mowed in around 5 minutes ask john! Super hero, I think yes, he one yard of the month for Omaha Nebraska .
80 Title: Trash can
Setting: school parking lot
Why can I not get any respect around this joint, I’m just glad most of it lands in the parking lot. But it gets worse, you know how many McDonalds bags have been thrown on me, it is getting so nasty in here, I can’t even take it anymore. Have you ever had big mac sauce in every single poor of your trash can, well I have and It’s almost the end of this hell I’m living in.
In the castle after the ball
The prince was poisoned his body
Is found in the ball room Investigator is examining the body
Investigator: The cause of death seems to be poison look at his eyes this was definitely not an assault death. He had something in his drink.
(Investigator picks up a cup and walks away from body)
Castle Guard: Who are you?
Investigator: I am a concerned citizen who is trained as a private investigator.
Investigator starts pacing around room
Investigator: Was there any more evidence?
Palace guard: Yes this glass slipper
Investigator Turns and quickly runs over to the guard
Investigator: where?! Give it to me!
Palace Guard: Here but we already checked it out fo-
Investigator: Give me that quick it’s a magical Slipper check every maiden’s foot in the Kingdom find our murderer!!!
Palace guard walks away Investigator starts pacing again
After a few minutes another man returns with the palace guard and a woman
Investigator: Aah Watso- I mean other concerned citizen! You found her!!
Palace guard brings girl with her hands behind her back to investigator
Investigator: Cinderella well well well I’ve finally caught you.
Cinderella: So what’s to stop me from busting out of the cuffs and kicking all of you’re a-
Investigator: Language and I’ve already apprehended your “Step Mother and Step Sisters” they were the getaway carriage weren’t they.
Investigator: Take her away Constable
82 Action 1
Instructor walks onto the stage he beckons to someone off stage
Three people walk onto the stage very pumped up they start to silently converse uttering no words just smiling
The instructor walks to them and spreads them out he then steps in front
Of them and starts directing them. He leads them up and down sideways and starts going faster the only one keeping up his students start getting winded and one falls and he drags him/her off stage. His other pupils stare in terror
He then proceeds to lead them again until the second falls
He drags him/her off and walks to the first he tries to make him flinch which he does then he shakes hands with him and they both walk away
83 Action 2
People lay on the ground representing clothes. Another person walks on representing a teenage boy he walks among the discarded clothes and then he picks on up he smells it then grimaces and throws it across the stage. He does this twice smelling one then picking it up and carrying it off
84 Action 3
Two people stand on stage holding hands another person walks on he takes their heads and sticks them by his ears and they start singing a duet then he takes them out of his ears and they sing very quietly
85 Action 4
Two people stand on stage one is looking at the other perfecting her hair the other stands and watches then she accidentally pushes them over and they shatter they writhe on the ground in pain she shrugs and then walks off
86 SUPER HERO
Setting: these three heroes sit at a table discussing their recent wins
FB: I just saved a kitten from falling from a tree.
F: Oh yeah you see that child over there he is at school because I helped him cross the street.
FB: What about you face?
FJ: mumble incoherently
FJ: I saved New York.
FB hahahahahahaha what i mean wow thats really good man good job.
F: You really showed us how its done didnt ya Face HAHAHAHAHAHA
FJ: im going home.
87 SUPER HERO #2
Setting: Fixit is sitting on a park bench.
F: what a nice day to just sit and enjoy the air.
Random Citizen: help my kitten is trapped up a tree!
F: i can fixit!!!!
Fixit: i saved your kitten!
RC: thank you now now can you save new york?
F: not my department
88 SUPER HERO 3
Setting: Voice Changing thing stands behind a plant spying on a couple.
Boy: Well this was fun. we should this again sometime
VCT: (Imitating boy) except next time with someone prettier!
Girl: okay well i think i should go now
VCT: good because you ugly and you stupid
Girl: what that was mean.
Boy: i didnt say that!
Girl: Yes you did you jerk never mind i dont think you’re cute anymore
Boy: but i-
Girl: see you around
VCT: Yes another relationship ruined now i can celebrate with food!!!
Setting: in a Pumpkin shell
Peters wife: He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me...
Witch: (sitting on a table) He loves you not.
Peter’s wife: (Jumps back scared)
Witch: Hello to you to ma ’dear. (Gets off table fixes dress) Now I don’t want to seem needy, but I have traveled an awfully long way and I could use some tea?
Peters wife: (looks petrified)
Witch: (fixing herself some tea) I’m guessing by your manners you don’t get a lot of guests in this squash.
Peter’s wife: Pumpkin.
Witch: What? (Beat goes by) Ma ’dear you are going to have to speak up if you expect me to hear anything.
Peter’s wife: It’s a pumpkin. (Gets louder) we live in a pumpkin.
Witch: Well whatever it is it could sure use a little pick-me-up. (Flicks wrist, table leaves, new table arrives.)
Peter’s wife: (horrified)
Witch: Oh it’s fiinnee.
Peter’s wife: stop, stop, stop!! You can’t just come into here, and start changing things up! I don’t even know who you are!
Witch: I’m the witch-
PW: The witch?
WITCH: Yes, I’m the witch.
Witch: Rapunzel? Snow White? (PW puzzled ) Hansel and Gretel? Ya’ know. (High pitched voice) C’mon kids I live in a house full of candy, come in, I promise I won’t eat yoouu. (PW still puzzled)
Witch: You really have been in this pumpkin a long time. We’re just going to have to change that. (flicks hand again. PW is taken off stage.)
Peter: (comes through door) who are you! Where’s my wife?
Witch: She’s in the Caribbean’s, and won’t be keeping her in a pumpkin anymore Peter.
(lighting goes black)
90# DR. De Vil
Setting: t.v. show set
2# Announcer: And now please clap your hands for Dr. Cruella de Vil.
Cruella de Vil: Thank you, thank you! (sits down on a chair) Please welcome Snow White
Snow: (walks out and waves to the crowd, sits on couch) Hi!
Cruella: So Snow, you’ve been married for how long now?
Snow: I’ve been married for 6 months.
Cruella: And how’s that going?
Snow: It’s been a bit of a struggle. Not much has changed though.
Cruella: What do you mean not much has changed?
Snow: All I do every day, is Cook and clean and repeat. No thank you’s or I loves you.
Cruella: And that’s why you came here today? To talk your feelings out with Prince Charming right?
Snow: (tearfully) yes. I love Charming but our marriage has been on the rocks lately.
Cruella: Can we have Charming come out please? (Crowd starts to boo, Charming sits down next to
Snow, Shakes Cruellas hand)
Cruella: (tries to settle down the crowd) Okay, Okay.
So Charming, how do you feel about these allegations? Are they true?
Charming: A lot happens in a marriage, but there is always 3 sides to the story. Mine, Snows and what actually happened. But what Snows saying is 100 percent wrong. (sits back) It’s not easy running a country. (Booing starts again)
Snow: It’s not easy raising the children, cleaning the house or cooking for you but I do it! I could be r
Running my own kingdom, but no. Instead my kingdom is run by you!
Charming: If you went to work who would cook, and clean, and raise the children!
Snow: We could be like normal royal couples and hire a few maids! Charming: You would use valuable time with the children!
Snow: Oh the children this. The children that. You only want me to stay home because you don’t have a kingdom of your own and you want to run mine! (Bickering continues)
Cruella: (huge smile) Well. Things are certainly heating up! After this commercial break we’ll find out, do Snow and Charming make up or break up?
91# White sneakers
I’m immaculate, white and squeaky.
People sigh when they see me.
But hear my memoir of triumph n’ unrest.
(Imitates walking down the hallways)
Ere ‘day I walk the hallways,
Singing praises of good holidays.
I mind my own business and squeak along
But sometimes people step on me,
And my world comes down to crash on meee-
It’s not easy being a clean white sneaker in this world.
(does a jig)
(sits on the edge of the stage)
now I’m dirty, soiled and taintful
Nobody’s favorite footgear.
It’s not easy being a cruddy, white sneaker in, this,world.
92# “I CAN FEEL THE COLORS”
Setting: Lol Brigham
Narrator: In a world full of trouble and tyrants, there are few who can rise to the challenge and save the world.
(triumphant music Superhero’s stand in triangle formation, phone beeps)
C: HELLO? ARE YOU IN TROUBLE? I REPEAT, ARE YOU IN TROUBLE?!
(Hangs up phone, everybody looks hopeful) IT WAS A WRONG NUMBER!
(Everybody is disappointed)
IL: (cough) nobody ever (coughs) calls us.
CM: INFECTIOUS LASS IS RIGHT. NOBODY EVER CALLS US, AND NOBODY EVER WILL.
Roy G. : Don’t think like that guys. It could happen.
IL: Why would they need (cough) us? I get people sick, Cacophonous Man (cough) just yells, Almighty Dollar propels pennies out of his fingers and you…(turns to Roy G.) what do you do?
Roy G: I can feel colors.
C: WE’RE THE WORST SUPERHEROES EVER!
AD: Slash villain, Infectious Lass does more harm than good.
IL: (sarcastically) Thanks Almighty Dollar. How did you change into a (hand quotation) superhero again?
AD: (pushes up glasses) Science experiment gone wrong, just like Hulk.
IL: Yeah except it happened at a self-esteem seminar.
AD: Okay (put fingers up to fight, IL starts to cough on him)
(phone rings, dun-dun-dun music)
93 # SUPERHERO BEAUTY PAGEANT
(Superman, Greenlant, Batman, and Thor onstage, Green, Bat and Thor talking to eachother) (Spiderman rolls onto stage, makes webs)
Supman: Hey Spidy, ready for the pageant?
Spidman: Hatched ready.
Greenlant: (walks over to S&S) Who’s ready for me to win this thing?
Batman: Green, have you ever won anything in your life?
Thor: The lamest Superhero award.
Greenlant: Well OK Thor. I’d like to see you keeping the earth safe from alien attacks.
Batman: If anyones going to win this thing, it’s me. Girls love two things, a mysterious man and a man in a suit.
Thor: And a guy with long hair.
(All start arguing, 2girls, walk in)
Girl #1: Who’s ready to start the beauty pageant?
All men: SUPERHERO PAGEANT.
Girl #2: whatever. Just hurry and get in line.
(Superhero’s get in line, girls walk around judging, loud bang, another girl comes in yelling)
Girl #3: HELP! HELP! THE VILLIANS ARE COMING!
Greenlant: This must have been a setup.
Batman: Let’s go kick some Villain butt.
(All freeze triumphant music)
Overvoice: Will these Superhero’s come together to really kick some Villain butt? Come back next week at 9/8 central.
94 # Silent Movie
Wman: (sitting on park bench reading a book)
Man: (goes running out with dog on a chain)
Wman: (Stands up putting book in bag)
Wman: (Dog starts going crazy, gets caught around the girl)
(Man and women make long eye contact)
Man: (Starts apologizing, making motions to dog)
Wman: (motioning it’s ok)
(Shakes each other’s hand)
Man: Starts to walk away, turns back looks longingly at the Wman. Turns away, walks offstage)
Wman: (Turns around looks at man longingly, turns away, slowly walks)
Man: (Runs in again, gives her his number motions “call me”, offstage)
Wman: (REALLY BIG SMILE)
Rosalina: Jesus I can’t be with you
Jesus: Rosalina te amo, te amo
Rosalina: Jesus, (holds up hand) what about Jose.
Jesus: Rosalina, stop thinking about my twin hermano.
(Jose yelling for Rosalina offstage, comes on)
Jose: How is the amour of my life?
Rosalina: Jose… I didn’t know you were going to be casa so soon.
Jose: The meeting was rápido today. (Turns to Jesus is surprised to see him)
Jesus: I hope it’s OK, I am here. I had to drop off some tortillas for your wedding dinner, tomorrow.
Jose: Jesus, mi casa es tu casa.
Rosalina: Dinner is on the table.
Jose: Mhh. (kisses Rosa on the cheek) It there is one thing Rosa knows how to do it’s cook. (goes offstage)
Jesus: Rosalina, you can’t marry Jose.
Rosalina: Jesus, I love you too, but I also love Jose.
Jesus: Choose, Rosalina, you must choose. If you choose Jose, I will leave and never bother you again.
Rosalina: (Holds onto Jesus arm) Jesus!
Jesus: No Rosie. (Pulls away) I won’t come back until you choose.
Jose: (Comes through the door) What is going en?
Rosalina: nada, Jose. (turns away)
Jose: I can’t believe my own brother is making moves on my women. (takes a lamp)
Rosalina: Jose no!
Jesus: Jose, listen!
(Lights go out) (Jesus and Rosalina both scream)
96 # The ring
Mom? (Tearfully) Yeah. He broke it off. I don’t know, it was like we were happy and the suddenly he text us and he said (Spoken bitterly) “He just couldn’t do this anymore.” Yeah, mom I know I could just find another couple to be an engagement ring for, but I don’t want another couple. I want them. How could he do this to me? I mean her. We were always so supportive and loving and, I refuse to believe this happened. In fact I think it’s all just a misunderstanding. Maybe she just misunderstood his words. Thanks mom you made me feel better. I’ve got to go. I think he’s going to be calling really soon!
POV of Donkey in Shrek 2
Hey Shrek are we there yet, Oh come on you have a wife and now you want me to stay away well that's just rude isn’t it yeah and you’re a stuck up know a what that thinks he knows everything yeah and i feel like you're not not my friend.
98 POV 2
The Three Little Pigs: Where are those pigs i’m so hungry and tired i haven’t ate for 4 weeks i’m surprised i’m not dead yet ah ha i’ve found them time for dinner now owwwwhhh here’s Johnny ugh i they ran into the house made of bricks ugh.
99 POV 3
Cinderella; Hey guys where is Cinderella she’s been gone for hours now and the house isn’t clean and this slipper i found won’t fit so i don't know what to do now i’m so wicked and i love being a stepmom it’s so awesome i get to boss people around like i do to Cinderella.
I’ve been stuck in this bag for 1000 days and I can’t see at all I’m so hungry and the Pencil next to me Stink and he’s made of lead and wood and i’m made of ink and plastic ahhh the bag is opening i see light ahh there's a big thing reaching in here aaaahhhh help me please help me.
102 5 Dollars
Characters: Change, Wallet
Change: Hey boy come over here and pick me up
Change: Yes right now
Wallet; I’m already full i’ve got 300 dollars in here and i'm about ready to burst
Change: Well can you add 5 dollars
Change: Then pick me up
Wallet: Alright I will
Change: Yay i’m so happy now
Super Hero #1
Chilly The Kid
Setting: They are all talking in Polar Vortex’s house about Iron Man
PV: I really don’t like Iron Man
T: Oh yeah i don’t like you then because Iron Man is awesome
CTK: Hey let’s not fight about this we all know that Captain America is the best one out of all the superheroes
PV: No Hawkeye is the best one
CTK: No he isn’t Cap is
T: Iron Man beats Cap anyday
T: There is even a movie about Iron Man and Captain America called Captain America Civil War
PV & CTK: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CTK: I’m done I’m gonna go home
T: Hahahahaha I win, BYE.
104 Super Hero #2
Setting: He is sitting at a Recovery place talking about his problems
Hi guys I’m Polar Vortex and I'm an addicted to pizza and I can’t stop eating it so I really need help with this. I’ve been eating this for 10 years non-stop and I’m gonna stop this once and for all. Oh yeah you try to eat pizza non-stop for 10 years and your problem is you can’t stop crying and it’s so annoying so don’t complain my problem is worse than yours.
105 Super Hero #3
Setting: Chilly the kid is sitting in the counseling office
CTK: Ok so my problem is i get treated like a kid around my superhero friends and I can’t go on their adventures because I’m just a kid
Counselor: Well then you should try to prove to them you could go with them.
Counselor: Yeah you should because that’s just rude of them to not take you
CTK: Yes it is.
Mistaken someone's family for yours
Setting: At a park at a family get together
Characters: James, Hank, Jay, Dylan
James: Hey guys i brought the Mac Salad
Hank: Who are you?
James: You guys know me I’m your cousin
Jay: No your not
James: Yes i am
Hank: What’s your name
Jay: We don’t know a James
Hank: Yeah I’ve never heard that name before
James: Come on you know me
Hank & Jay: No we don’t
Dylan: James there you what are you doing over here
James: Oh my bad sorry guys
Hank: You Better Be!!!
he Cow Jumped the Cheese
Cat Running Onto Field
CAT: (running on) Come on, can’t you go any faster?
COW: (comes slowly on stage on all fours) I’m trying! Besides, I don’t really want to do this.
CAT: Don’t be such a Debbie downer, it’ll be fun! Besides, you dared me to play that fiddle, you have to hold up your end of the bargain. (Licks herself, acts like cat)
COW: Come on, do you really think I’m going to make it over the moon? I barely even made it here. There is this thing called reality, you know.
CAT: Okay, you do have a valid point. (Pacing, thinking) If we had a cannon… no, I don’t know where we would get one of those. (Keeps pacing) What if you didn’t actually jump over the moon, you just jumped over something that looks like the moon? Like… cheese! (Cat pulls cheese out of bag) It’s a good thing I’m always prepared with a snack. (Sets cheese on ground) Okay, now jump over it!
CW: Well… okay, that seems like a good compromise. (Slowly moves over to the cheese) I can do this! (Cow tries to jump over the cheese, just slowly moves an arm over it and then falls over. Looks up at Cat)
CAT: (considers, nods head and shrugs) Close enough.
108 Computer Equipment
High School Computer Lab, End of Day
COMPUTER CHAIR: Oh, I am so glad sixth hour is finally over!!
COMPUTER SCREEN: (Bright, almost obnoxious) Rough day?
COMPUTER CHAIR: You have no idea. I am honestly so tired. How many times can I tip over in one day without breaking??
MOUSE: You think you have it hard? Kids’ hands are on me and the keyboard all day. How many of those teenagers do you think actually wash their hands? VERY FEW, trust me – I’ve talked to the sinks.
COMPUTER CHAIR: Well at least they don’t treat you like their favorite ride at Lagoon. I go up and down so many times every hour, I can’t even keep track. I’m so nauseated by the end of the day I can barely stand it.
COMPUTER SCREEN: Man, I never realized how bad you guys have it! I just sit here all day while the kids stare at me. Remember that really cute kid from 4th hour? His eyes didn’t leave me the entire hour.
MOUSE: Yeah, but guess how often that cute kid washes his hands?
COMPUTER CHAIR: You know, it’s so unfair the level of inequality in this computer lab. You have the good end of every deal, while Mouse and I are stuck over here being used.
MOUSE: I think we all need to go to sleep before this gets out of hand.
COMPUTER SCREEN: (Obnoxiously chipper) Alright you guys, goodnight! Love you all. (Computer Chair sighs, Mouse rolls her eyes and they go to sleep)
109 Once Upon a Frog
There are four thug girls walking at the park. They see frogs at the pond and go straight to them.
Girl 1: Yo guys, there’s a frog!
Girl 2: No way man! I wonder if it’s a prince.
Girl 3: Guys, there aren’t any princes around these parts. (shrugs) But I guess there’s only one way to find out. (Grabs the frog and is about to kiss it)
Girl 4: NO! Wait! What if it has diseases? We don’t know what kind of people have tried this before.
Girl 3: Well that’s what we thought about Timmy, but it ended up being fine.
Girl 2: Except I was in the hospital for three days!
Girl 1: Well if you guys aren’t gonna kiss him, I will! (Grabs frog from Girl #3) I need to fulfill my childhood dreams and find my true love. I got a great feeling about this one! (Kisses frog and she gags, but nothing happens)
Girl 4: Well that didn’t work.
Girl 3: Hey look guys! There’s more frogs! I bet they’re ten times better than yours!(points to Girl 1. All the girls pick up and kiss multiple frogs and nothing happens)
Girl 2: Guys, I don’t think this was our best idea. I don’t feel so great.
Girl 1: You know, we should probably go to the hospital. (All agree and walk off)
High School in a New Planet
Two Girls Sitting at Their Desks in a Classroom
LILY: (Turning to the girl next to her) Hey, are you new here?
PENELOPE: Yeah, this is my first day at Box Elder.
LILY: Oh cool, where are you from?
PENELOPE: Another planet. (Lily gives her a weird look) I mean… it’s practically like another planet! You wouldn’t have heard of it.
LILY: (shrugging) Oh, well, you sat by the right person. I can tell you all about the school. (A girl walks in and sits down at a desk) See, that’s Marissa. She’s super popular, but I’m pretty sure she hates me.
PENELOPE: No she doesn’t, she’s just jealous of your hair.
LILY: What? (Laughs) How do you know that?
PENELOPE: (Suddenly very serious) Can you keep a secret?
LILY: Of course…?
PENELOPE: I’m not from here.
LILY: Yeah, we established that just like a second ago.
PENELOPE: No, I mean I’m literally from another planet. And I have “powers”. (Does quotation marks with hands) I can read people’s minds.
LILY: Oh, really. (Scoffs) Prove it. (Boy walks in and sits at another desk) Who does he have a crush on?
PENELOPE: (Barely glancing at him) You. He’s just too shy to do anything about it.
LILY: (Freaking out) No. Really?? I mean, I’ve liked him since like fifth grade but I never knew it was mutual. That changes everything! (Looking incredulously at Penelope) Okay, I’m not sure that really proves it though. You could just be making crap up. (Considers for a second) I think you need to follow me around the rest of the day and tell me what other people are thinking to prove it.
PENELOPE: (Laughing) Sure, why not!
LILY: YES! I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.
A man is lying in a hospital bed with his doctor beside him.
DOCTOR: (Very dramatic) I’m sorry sir, but the results are not what we hoped for.
MAN: What? What do you mean?
DOCTOR: I’m afraid we’re going to have to amputate.
MAN: Amputate?? But I just have a splinter in my foot!
DOCTOR: Yes, well unfortunately, none of us want to touch your foot and dig out the splinter, so we have decided that the best option is to simply remove the whole thing.
MAN: (Agitated) Why is that even an option?? It is just a splinter.
DOCTOR: Sir, take a look at your foot. (Both look at his foot) Would you want to touch that?
MAN: Well, no, but-
DOCTOR: Sir, please take the merciful option here and just agree to have your leg removed.
MAN: (Sighs) Alright. If it’s our only option, it’s our only option. (Doctor nods)
Little Bo Peep’s Sheep
Two Sheep Grazing in a Field
SHEEP #1: Hey, how’s the grass over on that side?
SHEEP #2: Definitely greener. Come have some! (Sheep #1 goes over to Sheep #2’s side and starts eating the grass over there)
SHEEP #1: I don’t mean to complain, but I’m really tired of being one of Little Bo Peep’s sheep. I don’t think she has much going on up here (gestures to head) so we’re basically caring for ourselves. I mean, this grass is greener but it’s definitely not better. I don’t think she’d even notice if we ran away.
SHEEP #2: Well then, why don’t we?
SHEEP #1: Why don’t we what? Run away?
SHEEP #2: Sure! Like you said, we’re already practically taking care of ourselves. And I’ve heard the grass on the other side of the mountain is greener and better. Don’t you want an adventure?
SHEEP #1: Well yeah, but I don’t want to offend Bo Peep. She’s not the brightest but she has feelings.
SHEEP #2: She won’t even notice we’re gone. Come on, we can be out of here before she even comes to check on us today.
SHEEP #1: (Sits thinking about it) Okay, let’s do it.
In a messy apartment
ROOM CLEANER: (lying on bed) You know, you would think that with my ridiculously wonderful skills I could keep my own apartment clean! I spend so much of my time helping others with their issues that I’m too tired to take care of my own! I think people underestimate just how hard it is to be a superhero. (rolls over, picks up a dirty sock and sniffs it, makes a disgusted face) Do I even have any clean clothes in here?? Honestly, how am I going to save the day if I smell bad?? (sits up, sighs and starts picking things up off the floor and putting them in a basket) Honestly, I need a break. But the agency will never give me one! (stands still for a minute, suddenly has an idea) I know! I’ll just pretend to be sick. (plops back down on bed) It’s not hard to believe considering my room looks like this. The odor would make anyone ill! (goes to bed)
She Doesn’t Even Work Here
We are in a grocery store and Person 1 has a screaming baby and needs help looking for the baby food aisle.
P #1: Excuse me, can you help me find the baby food aisle?
P #2: (kindly) Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t work here.
P #1: (obnoxious) What? I can’t hear you over my screaming child! Did you say it’s on aisle 10?
P #2: (getting frazzled, yelling to be heard over the baby) No! I DON’T WORK HERE!
P#1: What? Aisle 2? I’m really confused. I thought aisle two was the ammunition aisle. That is a terrible way to get a child to stop crying! Do you have children of your own??
P #2: (backing away) You know what…I’m just going to go. Best of luck to you and your child… just please don’t feed her ammunition! (walks off stage)
P#1: Wait come back! I really need your help and I don’t think ammunition is an option. I’m going to write a letter complaining to your boss if you don’t help me! (turns and faces the audience) Wow, these employees are really terrible at listening. (Baby stops crying and they walk off)
PURSE THIEF (mistaken Id.)
( Women 1 and 2 need to have notable differences in looks, 1 is laying on the ground in a park and 2 is trying to pull her purse away from her)
2: Just let go of the purse and I won't hurt you anymore.
1: No! Stop, no!
( Two men are walking by and see the fight)
A: Hey! What are you doing, stop!
(The women continue to fight 2 gets a hold of the purse and runs. 1 is laying down badly hurt )
1: Help! Help me, please! Somebody!
( A and B chase after 2 for a while, they catch her and start beating her up)
2: Don’t! let me go!
( B punches her in the face and she falls over unconscious)
A: Quick, call the police. I’ll go see if that woman is alright.
( A walks off stage, B talking on phone )
( A comes back confused )
A: She’s gone.
B: The police are on their way. Let’s find her ID in her purse so we can return it and make sure she’s okay.
( They look through purse and find ID )
A: That’s weird this says Magen Handcock, 5’8”, brown hair, 132 pounds, brown eye--
( Both look down at the women who is waking up, they hear policeman coming and run off stage with purse)
POLICE: (walks in) We’ve got a 10-85 B on 23rd and Adams. Miss are you alright?
WOMEN 2: Please, help. I’ve just been robbed.
116 BROKEN TV (action)
( All props must be acted out with people)
( Man is sitting on his sofa watching the tv. Suddenly the tv starts wigging out. The man stands up and smacks it. He then walks into the kitchen and sits up to the table and dials a number on his phone. The phone doesn’t work either so he gets angry and bangs the table with his fist. The man stands up mad and marches to side stage. He pounds on the door. His neighbor answers. They have a silent conversation, and the neighbor comes with the man into his living room. They both look at the tv, she also tries smacking it a couple times. They both look at it puzzle for a little bit, shrug and then flop down on the sofa. The sofa collapses.
117 YOUR MOM (mistaken Id.)
AUSTIN: 20 year old boy, naive and obnoxious
DEVIN: Austin’s friend
KELSEY: Devin’s mom
SETTING: A Cafe. Modern
( AUSTIN is walking down the street and his phone rings)
AUSTIN: Hey what’s up, Devin? I’m at Starbucks picking up chicks, want to come get a drink?
DEVIN: Yeah, you paying?
(KELSEY walks in and sits down )
AUSTIN: Sure! Oh I see a hot one, better hurry!
DEVIN: I bet she’s ugly.
AUSTIN: Yeah, ugly like your mom.
DEVIN: Ha ha whatever. I guess I’ll see when I get there.
(AUSTIN hangs up phone, walks over to KELSEY)
AUSTIN: Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again??
KELSEY: You better walk by again.
AUSTIN: Sassy! Can I buy you a coffee?
KELSEY: (Flirty) No, but you can leave me alone.
AUSTIN: Ok, but only if I get a date too.
KELSEY: Okay deal. How can I say no to you?
( He sits down across from her and they flirt with each other, Devin walks into the coffee shop and walks over to Austin and Kelsey )
DEVIN: ( confused ) Oh hey Mom. Hey Austin, so wheres that hot chick you told me about?
(Austin and Kelsey look at each at awkwardly )
118 Insane ( mistaken Id.)
( Starts out with a man banging on a door )
Doctor: Let me out, I’m not crazy. Ahhhhhhhh! sl;dkfjoeinv;ldfkjg;skjdfn’s, I’m not crazy!!!
( Sarah walks away from the door ashamed )
Doctor: Sarah don’t leave me. You know I’m not crazy. Come back please.
SARAH: It’s for your own good.
( Sarah walks off stage )
( Doctor is wearing a doctor coat in a medical room )
Doctor: Sarah can you bring in patient number 17? ( Doctor holding a syringe in his hand looking at the liquid)
( Sarah comes back in with a guy strapped to a table )
GUY: What are you going to do to me?
Doctor: (Talking to the guy) This is for your own good. It will only hurt of a moment. Try to stay calm.
( Sarah standing in corner watching Doctor )
( Doctor is being pulled on stage with a straight jacket on, he looks confused )
Doctor: But I don’t understand. Why do I need to stay here? Is there something wrong with me?
SARAH: It will only be for a little while. It’s for your own good.
Doctor: My mom said this is a hospital. Do I get to play the doctor?
( A different man is thrashing in the next room)
OTHER MAN: Let me out I’m not crazy!!!! Let me go! Help!!!!!!!!!!!!
SARAH: ( Talking to Doctor ) Yes, actually. The patients been waiting for a new doctor to come around.
119 THE WOLF WHO CRIED BOY (PCV)
Wolf: Really girly
Boy: Stuck up
Setting: An old village, small town, in the middle of a shepherd's field.
Some sheep on stage, and trees.
( wolf is looking at herself in the mirror)
Wolf: Today’s the day. I’m going to talk to him. I’m going to talk to the Shepherd boy.
(walks into field like she’s wearing heels, all the sheep run away)
Wolf: YuuuWHuuu. Over here, Shepherd boy.
Boy: Ewwww, what are you? Go away, you’re scaring the sheep with your ugly face.
Wolf: (devastated) Ahhhh, what? But boy I saw you last grazing day and I fell deeply in love with you. How could you be so cruel to someone who loves you so much?
Boy: How could I not? You’re a talking wolf for heaven's sake.
Wolf: Why won’t you just love me? (walking to hug boy)
Boy: Gross stop! Wolf!!!!!!!! Gross!!
( runs into the bushes, townspeople run in)
Wolf: Don’t tell them please. Please don’t.
Boy: I wouldn’t dream of it. I couldn’t let the town think I was dating you. It would ruin my social life.
Townspeople: Where’s the wolf?
Boy: Ohp, jk. There’s no wolf. haha
(townspeople walk off)
Wolf: Did you see the way he looked at his sheep when I walked in? Ugh, he loves his sheep so much. If only he liked me as much as he likes his sheep. (has idea) I know I’ll dress up like one of the stupid things and once he gets to know me, I’ll take off my costume and he’ll understand how great I am.
(wolf crawls in with the sheep)
Wolf: Bahhh. Bahhhh Boyyyyyy!
Boy: What the?
( Wolf hold onto Boy’s leg, and he tries to shake her off)
(Boy rolls his eyes)
Wolf: Hey, Boy. Look. I’m not a sheep I’m the Wolf. Do you love me now?
Boy: Just go away. You’re gross and I don’t want to be seen talking to you.
(takes a step)
Boy: Don’t you dare. I’ll call the Villagers. You know how fast they’d come running.
Wolf: Can I just get one kiss?
Boy: AHHH! No!!! Wolf don’t!!!!
(runs a little ways)
Wolf: Tell them you were joking, or I’ll say we’re going out.
(Wolf runs off)
Wolf: I’ve come to a decision. (While walking toward boy) If I can’t have him, ( dragging him off stage) no one can.
120 THE CLIFF (action)
( Boy walking casually across stage. Suddenly he falls down like there’s a hole. A second or so later a group of five people walk in. The two that are ahead fall into the hole, the others look confused. They are looking as if they were trying to figure out what is going on. One person puts their foot over the edge. Two girls walk in and they bump into the last person who hits the next and he falls in the hole. The girls look scared. (at this point everyone is piling up on each other) Someone runs in silently yelling and purposely jumps into the hole. Then all of the people just shrug and jump into the hole. )
121 WHO’S THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL?
SAMANTHA: rude, full of herself.
REFLECTION: starts out reflecting Samantha but as the play grows more evil.
SETTING: in a girl’s bedroom, at school
(Samantha is looking at herself in the mirror and fixing her hair she walks off stage along with reflection)
(only Samantha walks in, then walks over to where Hannah is sitting, looking sad)
SAMANTHA: What’s the matter Hannah? Did you realize how unpopular you are again?
HANNAH: Go away Samantha…….
SAMANTHA: What are going do about it? Cry? ( she says as so looks at herself in the mirror) Oh! Don’t look in my mirror, you might crack it.
( Hannah starts to cry, while Samantha leaves)
( Samantha and her friend are in Samantha’s room)
FRIEND: So then he just told me, that he wanted to break up with me. he said we were over.
SAMANTHA: Don’t cry because it’s over, cry because you’re ugly.
( Friend cries harder)
SAMANTHA: Why don’t you go downstairs and help yourself to some ice cream. No one would notice a few more pounds on you. ( Friend leaves) I’ll be down in a minute.
( Her reflection turns around and moves towards Samantha, then she strangles her and drags her off stage )
( Friend is eating ice cream and Reflection walks in)
REFLECTION: Are you feeling any better?
122 DON’T PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD (object scene)
( a potato , a piece of toast, a lima bean, and a cookie are sitting on a plate, talking)
TOAST: Aren’t you guys nervous?
POTATO: Now what do we have to be nervous about, Toast? (unphased)
COOKIE: Maybe the fact that there are four senior citizens, looking at us with forks, and we’ve been waiting for this our whole lives.
POTATO: Whole lives. You mean the 20 minute wait in the cafeteria?
Bean: I waited for 26 minutes.
Potato: Of course you did Lima Bean, that’s because no one is going to eat you.
Cookie: Be quiet Potato, you’re a vegetable too, you know. I’m going to be eaten first anyway so try not to get your hopes up.
Toast: Cookie, everyone knows desserts are always eaten last.
Bean: I didn’t even get to say goodbye to my children. (talking to self)
POTATO: Shut up Bean.
TOAST: You don’t have to be so rude Potato.
Cookie: I think Potato can be as rude as he wants, he’ll just have to live with it when he’s the last one on the plate.
Potato: What makes you so su---
Toast: Stop arguing. I know a way to settle this, let’s make a bet.
Bean: Well I’m not a betting man.
Potato: ( talking to bean) That’s why he wasn’t talking to you. Toast what’s the bet.
Toast: We all think we’re going to be eaten first, right?
Toast: So we just wait and see who it is, and when we get to the other side we’ll pay up.
Potato: Sounds good to me.
( Sitting looking at each other in silence)
( Lima bean is dragged off stage)
Potato: That shoulda bean me.
123TITLE: Jack and the Beanstalk
SETTING: A bean stock up in the clouds
Once upon a time there was a boy who got these beans after selling his mom's cow. His mom was not really happy about him getting beans instead of money for the cow but his mom told him to plant the beans since he got them.
The next morning the beans had sprouted into a giant beanstalk that was up all the way into the clouds.
JACK: Mom guess what?? I got some beans from the cow I sold today!
MOM: WHAT!? i wanted you to you to get money from the cow. not BEANS! We are broke!
JACK: I know i know…. But these aren't just any beans.. The old man said that these are special beans that can grow super tall, like up to the sky!
MOM: That was a lie. He only said that so he could get you to buy them!
JACK:I will prove you wrong. I will plant these today, and tomorrow they will be all the way grown just watch and see.
MOM: Alright. lets just see.
(three weeks later the beans still haven't grown. That night)
MOM: See look I told you they wouldn't grow!
JACK: okay mom.. I guess you were right mom, maybe they really aren’t magical beans.
MOM: mother is always right about everything. now go to bed son.
JACK: I sure guess so, goodnight mom.
JACK: MOM WAKE UP MOM LOOK, LOOK OUTSIDE the beanstalk it grew!!!!!!
JACK:It's true the beans are really magic!!
MOM: Well would you look at that. I guess the old man wasn’t lying when he said they were magical.
JACK: I told you mom! i knew the wise old man wouldn’t lie to me!
MOM:It looks like a ladder.. maybe you should climb up it..
(jack climbs up beanstalk)
JACK: boy, this is wierd… ooo whats over there.
(jack walks over and this weird green giant looks at him and jack runs off back home.
(jack goes back up beanstalk next morning.)
(Jack goes back over to the wierd thing he saw yesterday)
OGER: FEE FI FO FUNG
(the oger chases jack)
JACK: (screams) AHHHH what do you want from me?!
OGER: (grabs Jack) hey. i just wanna be friends :)
JACK: oh.. you do?? Alright, homies
(give each other knucks and walk off)
124 First crush action play
setting: at school on a bench in between class
girl sitting there
a boy walks by and looks at her
the girl looks at the boy and they are making eye contact
girl gets up and walks away with her backpack and all her stuff
boy walks the other way
boy runs into her and she drops her books
boy helps her pick it up looks at her
she looks at him stops turns and walks away
setting: on the streets of new york city
grandma: help that man in all black stole my purse!
superman: what way did this guy in all black run!
grandma: how am i supposed to know, you are superman you are supposed to know these kinds of things arent you?
superman: well… ya okay. WAIT I SEE HIM
grandma: ( kicks superman) well what are you waiting for go get him!
superman: ok lady calm down
superman flies over to the burglar and snatches it right out of his hands
Superman: here you go here is your purse lady!
grandma: next time be a little quicker
superman: oh please i am superman it does not matter how long it takes i will always hunt them down and find your belongings it is kinda a natural talent i have.
grandma: of it were natural i wouldn’t have to tell your dumb butt to go get my purse
superman: okay old lady. You win i am sorry about your purse, next time i will be as quick as possible
grandma: i will not believe it until i see it i guess we will have to see what happens
superman: i will not let you down grandma!
setting: walking on the streets of washington DC
batman is sitting there in a dark alley when he sees somebody walking by
batman: (staring) who is that? hello
the person walking by stops and starts walking by batman
batman: ( stands up quickly) um hi i am batman and you must be..
wonderwoman: wonderwoman. ya my name is wonder woman
batman: oh well hello
wonderwoman: hi, what are you doing back here?
batman: i was just sitting back here thinking
wonder woman: thinking about what?
batman: i don't think i wanna talk about it
wonder woman: why?
batman: well it is kinda embarrassing in front of a wonderful super hero like you
wonder woman: oh stop. come on tell me im... i'm not gonna judge you
batman: okay..well.. i guess i just feel like i have let my people down
wonder woman: you have not. you are the best superhero in town!
batman: no actually you are
wonder woman: i have always looked up to you though
batman and wonder woman look at eachother and smile
wonder woman: come on we can do this together
batman smiles, and grabs wonder womans hand
batman: lets do this
wonder woman: i wouldn’t wanna save the world with anybody but you
the couple falls in love and saves the town!
127 What dress fits best
setting: at the dress shop in New York shopping for a homecoming dress
sally: omg i CAN’T wait to get my homecoming dress!
megan: me too girl
amber: i am right there with you!
sally: what do you think about this dress
amber: OH WOW girl. you look fetching amazing in that dress
megan: ya Sally that dress is soo padazzle!!!
amber: omg!!!! guys look at this dress it looks so fetching amazing on me like wow! look at all that dazzle
sally: girl that dress makes your butt look amazzzzzballs
amber: megan! you need to go try on adress go go go!!
megan: okayyy. What do you guys think about this one?
sally and amber look at each other
sally: uh no.
amber: i think you need some more dazzle on your dress girl.. its just not enough you know? im just.. not feelin it
megan: are you kidding me? i love this dress?
sally: megan you gotta realize it’s not all about you girl it is about your friends too
amber: ya we gotta approve it girl.
amber picks up a dress what about this one megan?
megan: girl. i'm just not feelin it
sally: you're kidding right?
megan: no i think that dress is way toooo much dazzle
sally: just put it on
megan: fine i guess i will, but only because i love you guys!!
megan tries on the dress
Megan: OMG LIKE WOW THIS DRESS IS STUNNING
sally: what did i tell ya?
amber: girl. that's the dress you're gonna wear to hoco! you like like a hot dazzle mama!
megan: well i guess this is the dressssss
all the girls scream with joy ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
sally: I CAN’T FETCHING WAIT
128 oh boy
setting: at the high school
lexi: oh my gosh guys.. i am pretty much in love with johnny.
amber: umm what? no your not i am in love with johnny..
lexi: jonny loves me, not you sorry not sorry.
amber: (laughs) haha doubt that!
sarah: girls listen, you all know johnny loves me and not either of you. You guys aren't cute enough
( lexi and amber look at each other with confused faces and glare at sarah)
lexi: listen hun. he likes me and that is that. one day we're gonna we in love and live in a castle i'm going to be the princess, and he will be my prince!
sarah: hanaha keep dreaming girl
(lexi rolls her eyes)
all the girls stop and stare as johnny walked by in the hall smiling
sarah: oh hi johnny! how are you?
( amber budges in)
amber: hi johnny wanna go to lunch today?
lexi: dont listen to them johnny, wanna come over tonight and be my tutor… i really need help with my homework
johnny: hey ladies, i am sorry but i have a girlfriend! (walked away)
amber: WHAT johnny has a girlfriend? (crying)
lexi: omg i am so embarrassed. i asked if he would tutor me, he probably thinks i am si dumb
sarah: well i guess it is true he doesn't like any of us.
amber: who even is this girl?
lexi: and is she pretty?
sarah: oh well, i guess we'll just have to wait tell he is done with her
lexi: one day.
amber: if there is a day.
129 The Dressing Room
setting: getting ready to model dresses on the runway of New York City
sandra: guys we go on in 5 minutes and I CAN'T FIND MY DRESS
amanda: I go on before you and i don't even have my hair done…
becky: omg you guys need to start being more prepared
sandra: says the one to talk who doesn't even have her makeup done
amanda: guys. we are all screwed
becky: what if the manager walked in?
sandra: than i am blaming you guys
MANAGER WALKED IN
manager: ummm YOU GUYS ARE ON IN 4 minutes get your crap together
all the girls rush and get ready in 2 minutes and look terrible. makeup everywhere dresses everywhere and hair everywhere.
sandra: what do i do about my dress?
becky: just through a random one on
all the girls were ready to go on and the manager was out watching from the crowd
manager: oh my gosh those are not my models this is a mess! and what is sandra wearing? THAT IS NOT MY DRESS
the manager runs backstage flaming mad
Manager: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING YOU ARE A MESS
manager: you know what don't go back out you are all FIRED
sandra: wait please
manager: no, leave the dress and go
manager well don't all just stare at me GET OUT!
the girls walked out in shame and learned a lesson that day, be prepared and don't do things last minute
My phone keeps going off in the middle of class and it is really embarrassing… The teacher keeps yelling at me and i don't know what to do, because it is not like i call control when somebody is trying to call or text me. Yes i know i can put it on silent.. but is still makes that annoying buzzing sound. I just wish i wasn’t so popular because than maybe that would solve my problem. Then it wouldn’t buzz as much. Maybe next time i will just leave my phone at home? no bad idea. I need to constantly be updated on life, ya i guess i will just keep let it ringing during class.
Title: 1st Day of School Drama
Setting: We are taken into the closet of a Teen girl. It's the first day of school.
Items-Old Shirt, New Striped Shirt, Necklace
Necklace: I'm so excited! It's the first day of school!
Striped Shirt: Me too! I am ready to go rock those halls! My striped complexion will look absolutely look stunning on her!
Necklace: Ya we will look beautiful on her! Everyone's going to love it!
Old Shirt: (agreeing) Ya! She will look beaugtiful
Striped Shirt: Woah Woah Woah! Don't even go there! Your neon pink flowers are so last year!
Necklace: Ya! She's grown up and has a better taste now. What do you think? That she's still in 6th grade?
Old Shirt: Oh. Well if I would have known...(starts bawling)
Necklace: Oh Look! Here she comes! (All watch her as she picks up her old shirt and puts her on. Necklace and Striped Shirt Pout in disbelief)
132 Title: The Not So Fortunate Security Guard
Setting: We are in a mall and Steve is trying to catch the “Mysterious Woman” (MW) as she steals her heels. We start the scene with The Mysterious Woman running away with her heels and Steve is running after her.
STEVE: Ahhhhh! Come Back Lady! (doubled over and wheezing)
MW: NEVERRRRR! I NEED MY SHOES! (Steve catches up and topples over her causing both of them to trip. The shoes end up in his hands and then the store owner catches up)
SO: I found you! You thought you could get away, but you never were that great of a security guard.
MW: I was trying to catch him, but he got to me first. Not only is he stealing incredibly tacky heels, but he knocked me over, too!
SO: Geez, it takes a lot of guts to push over a pretty woman like that.
STEVE: No! It’s not what it looks like, I promise! I was only trying to catch her - she’s the real thief! What would I even need these heels for??
MW: (muttered) We don’t know what you do in your spare time.
SO: Either way, I’ve heard enough of this crap. Off to jail it is Steve! (drags off Steve and leaves MW, she picks up her heels, smiles and walks off stage.)
133Title: A Day at the Alley
Description of Action: (We are bowling pins and the game has just begun.) We all stand there. Shaking and muttering to each other. The first ball (someone somersaulting) comes down the lane and as it gets closer, we all scream, louder and louder. Then it knocks out one half of us and they topple to the ground and panic. They are shoved behind by the machine (someone brushing them over) and the next ball comes. Same thing happens with the rest of the pins and they topple over. They are set back up again. This time there is a strike. The pins are hysterically bawling. Then the game ends.
Title: 1st Day of School Diary Entry
Setting: In a closet. Old Shirt, sits alone and writes in her diary.
I started this morning off with some horrible news. Necklace and Striped Shirt informed me that our owner has grown up and won't be wanting me anymore. I don't know if I can do it. This can't be true.
The last two years I have been the shirt to start off her school year with cuteness and confidence. Now all I hear is "Neon Flowers are so last year!" & "She won't wear you anymore." This crushes my soul. I know her better than they do after being worn every week through the years. & I know that she will come back for me.
But I do have happy news! When she walked into the closet this morning. She reached out to grab Striped shirt and then backed out and grabbed me instead. I can't wait till I get back home later to see their reactions. I knew she loved me.
Neon Flower Shirt
134 Title:The Clumsy Robber
Description of Action: (A teenage boy is sleeping in his bed and is fast asleep. Meanwhile, a robber is breaking into his room to check out his stuff.) The boy lays there and is constantly snoring. The thief creeps with his tip toes very quietly into the room. The boy rolls over and the thief stands up straight and still-noticeably terrified. He keeps on creeping over towards the nightstand where the money is. He trips and falls on his face and the boy wakes up and leans over to get a drink of water. The thief crouchs down and the boy goes back to sleep.The thief grabs the money and goes out of the room. (off stage) Once he is out, the boy wakes up, leans over and turns off his phone. It was video taping the whole entire thing.
135 Title: The Haunted Corn Maze
Setting: The boy I like decided to go on a group date with me and my friend to the Haunted Corn Maze.
Girl 1: Ah! I hope he doesn’t notice that I am more excited than scared on the inside. These haunted corn maze gigs are perfect to have a romantic moment. This time it’s the boy I’ve had a crush on for months and I can’t wait to see if he actually tries to comfort me when I freak out. It’s not like I’m pretending to be scared though- I really am. The excitement is just getting to me. Quick! Act cold! I need to do something so it isn’t awkward.(she shivers and the boy hand her his jacket). Yes! He gave me his jacket! This night is going to be perfect! Oh no! Jake just scared Hannah and I didn’t jump. It’s time to get scared. (She walks around the corner and the chainsaw man jumps out and she jumps! Geez I didn’t see that one coming. YESSS! I successfully jumped and now I’m in his arms! I repeat now I’m in his arms! BEST DAY EVER! (sighs and looks in love)
136 Title: Once Upon a Frog
Setting: There are 4 thug girls walking at the park. They see frogs at the pond and go straight to them.
Girl 1: Yo guys, there’s a frog!
Girl 2: No way man! I wonder if it’s a prince.
Girl 3: Guys, there aren’t any princes around these parts. (shrugs) But I guess there’s only one way to find out. (Grabs the frog and is about to kiss it)
Girl 4: NO! Wait! What if it has diseases? We don’t know what kind of people have tried this before.
Girl 3: Well that’s what we thought about Timmy, but it ended up being fine.
Girl 2: Except I was in the hospital for three days!
Girl 1: Well if you guys aren’t gonna kiss him, I will! (Grabs frog from Girl #3) I need to fulfill my childhood dreams and find my true love. I got a great feeling about this one! (Kisses frog and she gags, but nothing happens)
Girl 4: Well that didn’t work.
Girl 3: Hey look guys! There’s more frogs! I bet they’re ten times more swaggin’ than yours! (points to Girl 1. All the girls pick up and kiss multiple frogs and nothing happens)
Girl 2: Guys, I don’t think this was our best idea. I don’t feel so great.
Girl 1: Maybe we should go to the hospital before something bad happens again. (All agree and walk off)
137 Title: The Story Behind the Munchkins
Setting: Court of the Munchkin City Hall.
Mayor: Welcome everyone, to the 1st ever session of Munchkin History. We will start with The Lullaby League telling us the story of their first munchkin ancestors.
Lullaby 1: A long time ago, there was a faraway place named Kansas. This Kansas place had many wind storms that caused our ancestors to be transported here.
Lullaby 2: It started out with a family of three. They came, and were smashed by a falling house. This started the evolution of our munchkin selves. Each time, another house fell, all the city members would gather under it, and sure enough end up smaller. Our first ancestors were 5 feet tall. Now we are 2 feet tall. Sure enough that is thanks to their enjoyment in getting smashed.
Lullaby 3: These ancestors were the ones that set up everything. May we forever hope and pray that we will receive more ancestors from this Kansas place and grow even more. The end.
Mayor: Thank you. That now concludes our 1st session of Lullaby History.
Setting: Taylor’s living room in front of a Wii hooked up to the TV. Three friends sitting on a couch and Taylor behind the couch look at TV.
Taylor: So, who want’s to go next?
Sam: I’ll go. (Raising his hand while standing up)
Keith: I guess I will go as well. (Standing next to Sam in front of TV)
Taylor: Ok, now it’s time for Just Dance. (Picking a song and pushing play on wii remote)
(Sam and Keith start breaking out some moves, trying to keep up with the dancers on the Wii game. Sam and Keith both getting tired are still getting ok’s, good’s, great’s and perfect’s)
Sam: Ok really. I so got the move right. (Saying while in the middle of a dance move.)
Keith: Hahaha, I’ve been getting great’s and perfect’s. What’s your problem?
(Taylor and Steven both about off their seats yelling at Sam.)
Taylor: Come on Sam you need to step it up
Steven: Ya Keith is kicking your butt.
Sam: Oh, shut it guy’s
(Finally after the song ended. They looked at their score’s and then sat back down on the couch exhausted)
Keith: Hahahaha, I did better than you did, Sam.
Sam: Oh, shut it, Keith.
(Next up was Taylor and Steven. Taylor picked the song and then they danced)
Steven : Wow, you're good at this game. Getting all perfect’s and everything.
Taylor: Thanks I’ve practiced.
(Once the song was over they than also looked at their scores and then sat down on the couch. They did that all night long going back and forth switching partner’s.)
139 Baby Sitting
Setting: Stage opens on a house, where the baby has wet hair from getting out of the bath, with pajamas, on running around, not wanting to go to bed. Babysitter running after him trying to get him to bed.
Babysitter: Come on let’s go to bed.
Baby: No, I don’t want to go to bed.
(Baby running in between the couch and the table. With the babysitter on other side of table going back and forth, trying not to me caught.)
Baby: This isn’t fair. I’m stuck.
Babysitter: Does that mean you give up and we can go to bed now.
Baby: (Being sneaky) Yes, I guess so.
Babysitter: (Taking baby to bed) Ok, goodnight. (Walking out and shutting door. She decided to pull out her book and sit on the couch and read. But before long the baby came running out of his room.)
Baby: (Laughing) Just kidding. I’m not tired.
Babysitter: (Sighing she got up and chased the baby all around the house avoiding the furniture) Come on, we don’t want to wake up the neighbors to we and don’t we want to be in bed when mommy and daddy get home.
Babysitter: Ok then, let’s go to bed then.
Baby: (Still being chased by babysitter) No, I’m never going to bed.
Babysitter: (Getting a great idea in her head, she stopped chasing the baby and sat back down on the couch reading again) Fine, I give up then.
(Baby looking confused. Finished running around the house and then all of a sudden he got tired and realized that she was serious. Baby curled up next to the babysitter and fell right to sleep.
Babysitter carried the baby to his bed. Then sat back down on the couch reading until his parent’s came home)
140 Sleepover That Ended in a Fight, Over a Boy
Setting: Stage starts out with two best friends in a grocery store with a cute boy in the other aisle.
Sadie: Hey melissa can we get read wines?
Melissa: Umm sure Sadie.
Sadie: Ok (Walking towards the candy aisle when she see Brock. Saying in a whisper and calling her name) Melissa.
Melissa: (Not whispering) What?
Sadie: (Coming into the same aisle and grabbing her arm. Taking her to the aisle with Brock while shhhhhing her.) Shhhhhhhhhhhhh
Melissa: Wha-a-t (Being confused then smiling) Oh I see. He’s cute.
Sadie: I know right. He’s in one of my classes.
Melissa: Oh really you mean the only class that you and I are in together. His name is brock by the way.
Sadie: I know.
Melissa: (Changing the subject) Come on let's get out of here.
(Both girls walking to the cashier's desk to pay. Sadie walking backwards staring at Brock.)
Melissa: You do remember me telling you that I’m dating him right.?
Sadie: WHAT!?! No!
Melissa: Yes I did.
(Brock walking over to the same and only cashier's desk)
Brock: Hey babe
Melissa: (Walking over to him and gave him a kiss) Hey, what are you doing here?
Sadie: Oh you weren’t talking to me (Looking embarrassed)
(Brock and Melissa look at her and then back at each other.)
Brock: I was just about to ask you that question. I’m getting some stuff to help us stay up while Garrett and I study. What are you doing here?
Melissa: Oh that's awesome. We are just picking some stuff up for a movie night sleepover thing, because you were busy.
Brock: Oh I'm sorry. (Holding her close and then kissing her again. Both playing around)
Sadie: Ok, lets go. Lots to do today. (Looking and acting irritated)
Brock: I will call you later tonight then.
Melissa: Ok, bye babe. (Walking away and then talking to Sadie) Sorry about that.
Sadie: It’s ok. (Still acting irritated)
(Walking home and curling on the couch with the drinks and candy on a table next to them while watching a movie. Sadie’s asleep and Melissa’s phone rings.) Ring, Ring, Ring.
Melissa: (Saying in a whisper) Hey babe. Umm Sadie’s asleep sooo…. I have to talk quiet.
Brock: Ok, I miss you
Melissa: (Smiling and blushing) I miss you too.
(Sadie wakes up as they continued their conversation)
Sadie: WHAT THE HECK MELISSA!!!!
Brock: What’s going on?
Melissa: I’m sorry i’ve got to go. Call you later. (Hanging up. Now talking to Sadie) What?
Sadie: You’re having a sleepover with me not your boyfriend. We are watching movies and eating junk food.
Melissa: You fell asleep and he called. I’m sorry.
Sadie: GET OUT!!! I don’t want to hear anymore, I’m done.
Melissa: Ok. (Grabbing her bag and the food and leaving. After she had left she called Brock to come and get her. She explained the whole thing to him in the car ride to her house where they kissed goodnight and then they both went their separate ways.)
141 The Unfair Battle
Setting: Stage opens in a hidden hideout with the red alert light spinning and flashing red while saying red alert, red alert over and over again. Superhero’s running everywhere.
Blind Fighter: Power(s): Mind control, Teleportation
Source of powers: Mystic
Weapon: Gravi Shooter
Transportation: Shadow Bike
Emerald Ninja: Power(s): Plant control, Escape artist
Source of powers: Unknown
Weapon: Air Foam
Transportation: Monsieur Skates
Iron Princess: Power(s): Weather control, Bullet-proof, Shrinking
Source of powers: Solar
Weapon: Plasma Wand
Transportation: Gold Vortex
Flaming Kid: Power(s): Extreme popularity, Direct computer interface, Super speed
Source of powers: Undead
Weapon: Adamantium Trident
Transportation: Wind Snowshoes
Black Blur: Power(s): Sound generation/control, Probability alteration
Source of powers: Spiritual
Weapon: Inertron Rattan Cane
Transportation: Martian wagon
Silent Killer: Power(s): Super spelling, Perfect pitch
Source of powers: Raised by animals
Weapon: Star Shield
Transportation: Star Shuttle
Fighting Beast: Power(s): Incredible balance, Super-human stamina
Source of powers: Mythological god(ess)
Weapon: Secret Decoder Cannon
Transportation: Chameleon Warhorse
Flaming Kid: (Talking to himself out loud while pacing the floor) Don’t panic, Don’t panic, Everyone knows what you do when you panic. You light the building on fire and you make a fool out of yourself in front of your crush the Iron Princess.
Iron Princess: What!?! I heard that. (Surprised because she likes him that way too)
Flaming Kid: No, umm, no you didn’t. Because I-I didn’t say anything. (Nervously)
(Iron Princess walk over to Flaming Kid, bends down because she is slightly taller than he is and kisses him on the check)
Blind Fighter: Ok, you sick love birds cut it out . We have a red alert on our hands. (Suddenly the red alert stops. Superhero’s looking confused they walk up to the giant TV screen hooked up to the computer to see what happened.)
Iron Princess: There are other superheroes in OUR territory, who took care of OUR red alert. Boss! (Now talking to Blind Fighter) They’re on there way here, right now.
(Other superhero’s arrive in their secret hiding place to talk to Blind Fighter and his crew)
Emerald Ninja: Who is the leader of this group and may I talk to you, please. My name is….
Iron Princess: (Interrupting) Oh, my gosh you guys are the famous (Pointing to each as she said their names) Emerald Ninja and Black Blur. Oh my gosh I love you guys.
Emerald Ninja: Why yes of course. Anyway back to what I was saying, I’m Emerald Ninja and this is my second in command Black Blur and we are here to ask you guy’s for a favor. Who is the leader of this group?
Blind Fighter: That would be me (Raising his hand as he stepped forward) The name is Blind Fighter, How may we assist you?
Black Blur: We need your help defeating The Silent Killer and The Fighting Beast.
Flaming Kid: You mean the most evilest villain of all time who kills people in the dead of night silently.
Emerald Ninja: Yes! So will you help us?
Iron Princess: The most famous superheros are asking us to help them win a fight. Can we please, please help them. (Begging to Blind Fighter)
Blind Fighter: Yes.
(All the superheroes travel to what will be called The Unfair Battle in the future to win. Silent killer and Fighting Beast are already there tearing up the town. Together they all fight and long after the fight started they beat the most evilest villains. The Fighting Beasts last words were that was such an Unfair Battle. Black Blur and Emerald Ninja decided to call it The Unfair Battle.)
142 What I put up with everyday.
Setting: Madeline's house.
Madeline: (Rag doll and Madeline, in Madeline's room, sitting on her bed) “There you go my sweet Sadie. I’ll be back in to play with you.”
(Madeline leaves her room as sadie the rag doll watches while feeling alone and scared because she knows what’s coming next. Busting through Madeline's brother. He softly picked up Sadie and took her to his room. Once they got there Sadie stood there as Brady, Madeline's brother. Told her how beautiful she looked and then went in for a kiss.)
Brady: Oh Sadie, I love the way your longish red hair hangs perfectly about your face. You make me happy and you make me laugh. The words you say to me and the way you look at me makes me know that this is love. (Leaning in for a kiss. Sadie leaning away from the kiss and closing her eyes in disgust when Brady’s mom called him to dinner. She was safe. Brady being annoyed by the interruption of his mother looked at the door and then back at Sadie saying romantically) Sorry toots but we will have to finish this later. I’ll be back.
(Sadie being alone again decided to think to herself. Taking to the audience and being the only one on stage)
Sadie: Yesss!!! (Taking hand into a fist and pulling it downward towards her hip) I’m safe for like the first time in a long time and all that nice stuff he said about me it was weird and how did he know some many words, he’s seven? How do I make him laugh I don't say anything and the words I say. Again I don't say anything. It’s weird I know I’m attractive, (Taking hands and rubbing down her body) but to be hit on by for a seven year old boy that’s low. Even for me like for example last year I went out with one of her animals, no really he was a bear. I was alone all winter because it had to “hibernate” (Finger quotation marks) What? (Holding out hands and shrugging) Now that I think of it, is it only the female that do that? Anyway it doesn’t matter. It’s weird to be hit on by a seven year old boy.
(Madeline walking into her room and looking for Sadie. She walks into Brady’s room and finds her.)
Madeline: I knew you were in here, my stage big brother.
(Being saved once again, thought Sadie)
143 Why Is This Happening To Me?
Monologue/ Inanimate Object
Do you ever feel like you’ve wasted your life not truly doing what you love? Do you ever not understand why people treat you the way they treat you? Do you ever start questioning everything because you're not sure what’s right anymore? Well I have, I think about these questions everyday of my life, I question everything about life, and I even feel every emotion imaginable everyday of my life. But, here’s what I do know, some girls love me and take care me, other’s fight over me with their best friends or their sisters. I get through around, abused, and disrespected. I even once had this little boy steal me off his sister's bed and then he kissed me many different ways and many many different times, it was like he was practicing to kiss someone in real life, like in person. YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO BE KISSING, YOU'RE LIKE SEVEN!!!! I might me an attractive rag doll but I have feeling too. It hurt being through across the room, kissed multiple times why kids of ALL ages, but most of all I spend my whole life searching for that one special girl that will love me and make me feel special. I know I'm special, I just don’t get that special treatment, I know and rightfully deserve.
Guess what! I think I finally found my special someone. Last week I was dropped on the streets, by my previous owner, after a dance competition. She fell asleep right afterwards and I slipped right out of her hands. Then I got picked up by this other girl and she took me home and took care of me, Oh wait a minute what’s happening. Oh, no not a boy , not a boy!!!! No!! Why does that always happen to me?
144Crazy X-Mistaken 2 Person Play/ Mistaken Identity
Setting: We open on an empty country road, in the dark of night, which is indicated by the hooting of an owl off stage. A woman comes stumbling in from the back, looking around with a crazed stare and laughing maniacally.
Crazy Woman: Yes. Yes! I’m free. I’m finally free! Now I can find Brad and make him take me back! (more maniacal laughter)
Officer George: (enters from the left, sighs) Finally, the case is over. That lady was truly unstable. At least now she can’t hurt any more innocent guys. (starts whistling to himself, bumps into woman) Oh, sorry, Miss.
Crazy Woman: (places hand on George’s arm, then his cheek) Brad? Is that really you? (places both hands on George’s cheeks) Oh, it’s you, Brad! I’ve missed you! We’ve been apart for so long!
Officer George: (gently pulling her hands away) Um, Miss, my name’s not Brad. I’m George.
Crazy Woman: Oh, are we playing games, now? Oh, Brad, you were always a strange one, but I love it! (giggles) Okay, you can be George, and I’ll be Mary. So, Mr. President, care to chop down my cherry tree?
Officer George: Okay, lady, I don’t know who this Brad is, but my name’s George, and I think you’re crossing a line here.
Crazy Woman: (pouting) I don’t like this game, Brad. Can’t we play something else?
Officer George: (slowly backing away while being pursued by Crazy Woman) Look, lady, I’ve had a long day. I just finished a big case, and I just want to go home. I just put a crazy ex-girlfriend into a mental hospital… (he trails off, and understanding dawns on his face) W-wait! You’re the crazy ex! You’re the one who murdered that guy!
Crazy Woman: Brad, what are you talking about? I haven’t murdered anyone. Oh, Brad, why would you think such a thing about me? Aren’t I you’re one true love?
Officer George: Lady, you’re mentally ill. J-Just stay away! (into his radio) Guys, I’ve got a situation. The girlfriend has escaped, I repeat, the girlfriend has escaped.
Crazy Woman: Oh, Brad, say you love me! Kiss me, you fool! (approaches George, puckering her lips and leaning in)
Officer George: (cringing and leaning away) Yeah, I’m not your boyfriend, so….later! (ducks offstage to the left, screaming)
Crazy Woman: But Brad! We’re in love! (pulls out knife) If I can’t have you… (turns to audience and says in demon-like voice) ....no one can. (follows George offstage, humming a tune in a strained tone)
145 Taking Down the Wolf
Setting:The stage opens on a courtroom with a judge, the boy's mother crying and three witnesses and lawyers. An Officer holding the wolves arm, disturb the peace and silence of the courtroom.
Wolf: Court again, not court again!!!!! I already said my side of the story!!! Please let me go, Please let me go!!!!!!!!! I didn't eat the boy!!!!!!!!!!
Judge: Oh shut up! (Hitting gravel on stand) We called you in here because some new evidence has come to our attention. Now that we have everyone let's get started.
Wolves Lawyer: Our first witness, I’d like to call to the stands, is the boy’s mother. (Boys mothers walks to the stand still crying and sits done) Now when was the last time you saw your son?
Boy’s Mother: I saw him the second time he cried wolf. I got sick and tired of waking up every night because he was shouting.
Wolves Lawyer: Ok, we're done here.
Judge: You may step down now. (Hitting gravel on stand) Next witness!!!
Mother’s Lawyer: We would like to call the wolf on to the stand. (Wolf walking to the stand and taking a seat) Did you come all three days that the boy cried wolf?
Wolf: I’m going to stop you right there Here’s the truth I don’t have all day. That dang boy saw me in that hay sneaking around trying to steal food for my family that was starving. I let it slide because no one would have believed him because I booked it. I went home that day gave food to my family and then went back the next day at a different time hoping the boy wouldn’t see me. When he did I thought I’d have some fun so I started talking to him but he didn’t understand me. That dang kid cried wolf again. So I got what I needed and left again. I went home gave my family what they needed and then went back the next day. That day something had to change as long as he was there I would never be able to serve my family. So you once he saw me and once he started to cry wolf and no one showed up I eat him. I got what I needed and I left full and happy. So yes I was there all three days and yes I did eat that boy. He got what was coming for him. Keep calling wolf and making me stop what i’m doing I eat you. I’ve got lots to do. So are we done here? (Everyone in the courtroom was stoked at this new piece of evidence and the truth. They didn’t know exactly what to do)
Boy’s Mother: (Standing up and pointing to the stand) What are you waiting for hit that stick thing on the stand and put him jail or better prison. He just confessed to eating my son!!!!!!
Judge: Umm the stuff about his family is true. (Taking to the wolf now) But what you did is called murder and that is a felony. Which means that you have to go to jail.
Wolf: What!?! I have a wife and family that I need to provide for, I-I can’t go to jail.
Judge: I’ll tell you what. I’ll personally send food, medicine, and any other supplies that your family needs while you're in Jail for a year.
Wolf: A year I-I can’t be in there for that long!!!
Judge: (Hitting the gravel on stand) You didn’t let me finish. In order for this to work If you do your time and I keep my promise
Alice in Know it all land.
Setting: a strange and seemingly crazy world that is entered by dropping into a rabbit hole. Animals act as normal people. Alice, Mad Hatter, and cat all sitting at table
Mad hatter: Alice you have gone mad!
Cat: Simply madddddd…
Alice: But it is not I that has gone mad. I'm actually very happy.
Cat: Not mad as in angry, mad as in you have lost your head.
Alice: Matter of fact my head is on just right!
Mad hatter: Heheheh she thinks she is normal! She isnt mad, I'm mad! I'm the mad hatter!
Alice: You have gone crazy!
Cat: The definition of crazy is mentally deranged, especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way
Mad Hatter: I can be that!!
Alice: I’m leaving
Setting: In a bedroom on a floor the phone sits.
Taylor: Its day 743 now... 3 ish years of being with this girl... She isn't even grateful for me. I put my all into googling answers to her homework and flirting with “bradddd”. All she does is push my buttons!! I do all the sending and receiving and downloading. What else does she want from me? Not to mention but she drops me on everything! Her bed, the floor, the cement and even asphalt! I try so hard to hold myself together. To not crack. But that is still not enough. Will I ever be enough for her? She doesn't even know how to read a basic clock, that's why she checks me every 3 minutes, oh and “Braddd” they never stop talking. Sometimes I even die, just to get away from her but all she does is bring me back to life. It’s an endless cycle of torture! Every once in a while she will even put me on her face, and basically scream into my ear! Oh and don't forget snapchat! I don't want to capture pictures of your duck faces! I'm pretty sure “braddd” Doesn't even want to see them! But no one cares about my feelings. How i feel about the fact that you left me at your friend Tammie’s last Friday. How could you forget someone as important as me! I think I’ll download myself a Trojan horse. Just to let you know that's a virus that can destroy me and put me out of my misery for good! My battery is at 1% so by now. Have fun running me to the charger ;)
The sad backpack.
Settings: in a school with kids walking past. Backpack is on a boy
Boy: Oh good gosh you're so heavy!
Pack: You could carry all these books by yourself if you prefer that. If not zzzip it.
Boy: But you give me back problems!
Pack: You give me Problems! I carry all your crap around. Try being me for a day!
(Kid walks by and hits backpack off of boy)
Pack: (Dramatically screams) Owwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!
Boy: You’re too big of a baby.
Sally: (picks up pack) Here's your backpack, I think you dropped it…
Boy: Oh, uh, hey sally. It’s okay I don't need it! It's just a dumb backpack. Want to go to lunch?
Sally: Yes! Please, let’s go!
(Boy and sally walk off)
Pack: (screams) you forgot me!!!!
Who are you?
Setting: Long long ago in a faraway land called Brigham two girls fought with each other about looks. While a boy stubbornly denied them both.
Lemonquesha: I am so much prettier than you is.
Bon Qwee Qwee: Oh lemonquesha. You're so youth less. I am the prettiest of all, with all this makeup upon my face.
Lemonquesha.: Why can’t we both be pretty…?
Bon Qwee Qwee: Because we're girls and we fight about everything, it's our nature.
Lemonquesha.: Let's just Switch Bodies for a day or two to really suit this out.
(Runs into each other 3 times and is now body switched.)
Brad: Hey lemonquesha , You're lookin prettyyyyyyy decent.
Bon Qwee Qwee: Excuse me brad I’m right here.
Brad: Ugh no you're bon qwee qwee .
Lemonquesha: No I am!
Brad,: I’m don’t with your guises’ mind games.
Bon Qwee Qwee: Brad I like you
Lemonquesha: No I don't!
150 Mr. Pig’s brother.
Setting: The youngest pig pacing back and forth telling us about his story.
Youngest pig: I'm here to tell you the real story. People often confuse me for the gullible one. The one who can't think because I’m too dumb. They don't know the REAL story. They don't know what I went through! Everyone thinks, oh my big bad wolf! No! Its big bad me! I caused all this mayhem! I played the wolf cause all this ruckus just so I could steal all my brothers’ money! He was mister money banks. Mama's favorite. Now look at me. I'm the owner of three banks and everyone is left confused. Now you know the real story. You can believe the others but this is the one and only true story.
151 Dear Mr. Day dreamer.
Setting: Boy laying in his bed and a dream occurs.
(Bill is lying asleep on a bed and suddenly a dream comes on. A fence appears and people start jumping over it. 10 people. Slowly, he counts them till he falls into a deeper sleep. )
152 Just my luck
Setting: At a Chinese restaurant, your character opens his fortune cookie and reads the following message: "Your life's in danger. Say nothing to anyone. You must leave the city immediately and never return...”...
Narrator: As Quallin Quan sits down at a Chinese restaurant to enjoy his meal he is rushed with the excitement of having a fulfilling meal. The waiter soon brings him a fortune cookie as his meal comes to an end. Quallin opens up his fortune cookie only to notice an unusual fortune. The fortune reads “Your life's in danger. Say nothing to anyone. You must leave the city immediately and never return.” Quallin gets up speedy quick. On his way out he trips over a waiter. The man looks down at him and tells him never to return. Quallin runs out as fast as he can.
153 Rapunzel's long lost prince charming
Setting: In the castle Staring out the window Rapunzel whines.
Rapunzel: I sure wish prince charming would hurry his behind up and come rescue me from this tower. This dreadful, tall, boring tower. I'm tired of sitting in here hoping and praying that a cutie would come along. Life isn't like they say it is in the fairy tales. Boys don't come to your rescue. We girls need to learn to be more independent. We are strong!!!!!
(Lifts up a block)
We are smart! And we are cute!
(Does a body roll?)
So I’ll just rescue myself!
(Climbs down the tower.)
See I did it all by my big girl self!
(Walks away with pride)
154Before she was the fairest of them all
SETTING: Small Bedroom In Castle
SNOW WHITE’S MOTHER: Today I held my daughter in my arms for the first time! I knew that she was going to be great, she had a glow about her the just radiated happiness! Yet her face was almost too ugly to look at! I knew I had to fix the horror I have created before I died. I took my dagger and cut her lips that she might have lips as red as blood. Next I took the coal and embedded it to her head that she would have hair as black as coal. I then took my lifetime sunscreen and applied it to her whole body. Now her skin will never be cursed by the kiss of the sun. She will have skin as white as snow. She is beautiful! I may now pass away peacefully and take the secret of my daughter's horror to the grave with me. She will be seen as the fairest of the all.
I’m not just a tea pot!
SETTING: In a cupboard
TEAPOT: Yes, I am a teapot and I’m a little short and kinda stout. I have a handle and a spout but I also have a heart and a soul but no one ever talks about that now do they! They only talk about my looks and how loud I shout. Of course I’m going to shout you drown me with water and put me on a burning hot stove until my insides boil. I have feelings you know! No, no one knows that because they don’t care all they care about is tipping me over and pouring me out. Every time I get poured out a they take a chunk of my soul soon I’m going to just be a heartless, ruthless teapot. Do you want that? Who am I kidding you don’t care!
SETTING: School classroom
SERGEANT DEODORANT: MAYDAY!! MAYDAY!! This is Sergeant Deodorant. We have a code red! I was failed to be put on this morning! I repeat I was failed to be applied! I need to get in there ASAP!! (Break) No I can not just calm down (Break) NO! We can not wait until next period! We must go in now! (Break) (Sigh) I know it will be risky but we must!...Operation end the smell is a Go… Approaching target… Armpit in sight.. WHAT! (Break) Someone is looking! (Break) Abort! Abort mission. Get me out of here! (Long Beak) (Quietly) We lost a lot of self confidence today (Break) No we can’t go back in it’s too hard (Break) yes if we must send General Perfum in…
The Real Heros
SETTING: Scene of a car accident
( All the superheroes run over and ask the hear policeman how they can help)
POLICE MAN: See that man laying in the road help him!!
SPIDER MAN: Okay what bus do we need to stop from hitting him?
POLICE MAN: He already got hit by a bus, begin CPR on him!
BATMAN: We don’t know how to perform CPR
POLICE MAN: Is there any life saving things you know how to perform?
SUPERMAN: Is there a bus we can stop from crashing?
POLICE MAN: NO! Just go sit in the car!
(Paramedics running around saving people's lives)
EVERYONE: THANK YOU TO ALL YOU REAL HEROS
SETTING: Tall grass field
(Hunter, son and dog walk on to stage. Bird is hiding in the grass. Dog sniffs bird out and goes on point. Hunter sneaks over to bird. Bird jumps up and son shoots it. Hunter pats his son on back and they walk off stage with bird in hand.)
The life of a weed
SETTING: In a garden
STICKER WEED: Today I had to leave mommy she said it was time for me to find a place to grow my roots and start my own family. Next thing I knew that hound dog came running through I grabbed on to his paw and I was ready to see where my new home would be. He dropped me next to some really nice looking flowers. It’s the first night to get my roots set in so I better get to work, goodnight.
It’s my first morning in my new home, when I got up this morning to introduce myself to the neighbors they we soooo rude! They told me that i was just another stupid weed here to choke them out! When I told them i just wanted to be friends, they told me that we could ever be friends because the “Hand” would come get me in the evening. I’m really scared the “Hand” did not sound like a very nice plant.
I woke up in darkness this morning. The flower was right the “Hand” did come and it ripped me out of my soil and I have been sitting in this sticky, stinky, filthy, black hole ever since. The “Hand” is evil! and unlike any plant I have ever seen.
The real Villain
(Waiter comes out with food and places it on the table next to Superman and a lady)
LADY: This is not what I ordered
SUPERMAN: Do I hear an injustice!! (Jumping in heroically)
WAITER: Oh I’m very sorry this is for the next table over
(Lady begins to say it is okay but is interrupted by superman)
SUPERMAN: Apology not accepted, in behalf of the pretty lady, how could you get her hopes up like that and crush them for your own enjoyment! You are the kind of person that grows up to a villain on the streets! Lady how do you think a crime like this should be handled?
LADY: By death!
SKYLEE: ( Blows bubbles) Hello Mr. Bubble how can I help you today?
MR. BUBBLE: Princess Skylee there is nothing you need to do for me it is what can I do for you?
SKYLEE: (Giggling) There is nothing to be done, thank you Mr. Bubble you are excused (Laughing as she pops “Mr. Bubble”. Dances over to another bubble, bowing as she says) And how are you Lady Bubble?
LADY BUBBLE: Quit well my dear quit well!
SKYLEE: ( Giggling and begins to dance around again)
+Boredom and a bad guy and a hero or something
(Scene opens the a damsel in not so much distress but more boredom)
D: ahh there is nothing to do in the tortue chamber don’t you have any games or something
V: will you shut up and be scared
D: But I’m bored
(Hero flies in carried by two people)
H: I am here to rescue you fair lad
D: no I’m good
H: fear not a will vanquish this villain and save you I’m good look I’m not even tied down
H: but I’m the hero and I’m supposed to save ou
D: I said I’m good well I am pretty bored did you bring any games
H: well no but if I can’t save you I will do the other thing heroes do fight villains
H: I said I’m going to fight you
V: o weredoin that now
(Goes into a slap fighting contest)
D: we could play monopoly
H: I will end your evil ways
D how about twister
V: you have seen our last day hero
D: well I’m bored so I’m going to go
(Hero and villain say at the same time)
H/v: ok bye
162A Here we go again
(Scene opens with a lady walking down the street)
L: ah I hope no heroes try to pick me up again
(Hero flies in with two guys carrying him)
H: hey lady do you want to fly away with me
(Lady gets a mischievous grin on her face)
H ummmmm because I want to go on a date with you
L por Que
L it means why in Spanish
H o ok well because you cute
L who even are you
H I am self-confidence man (he says not confidently)
L and why would I go on a date with you
H cause I’m a hero (strikes pose)
L yak so
H I’m a hero and the ladies love heroes
L yak don’t believe stuff on TV buddy (walks off)
(Two guys reach to left up the hero)
H nah I’m felling do
163 Just another day
S hey mb how are you doing today
Mb pretty good I guess only 2 kids have swung on me today
S consider yourself lucky I have had 40 kids slide down me today
MB that sucks
S yak I know I mean what is the appeal of falling down a piece of plastic
Mb idk what is the appeal of swinging from one bar to another
S well at least someone of them get hurt and we can have no one go on us for a bit while they take care of him
Mb how many arms have you broken
S 1 you?
S how many tailbones fractured?
Mb none you?
S 33 ha ha
Mb dude you have only been here a day how did you pull that off
S I am new so kids go down really fast
Mb yak I was like that for a couple weeks that’s how I got my first 12 broken arms
S I only have 1 broken arm
She went down head first so
Mb yaw well guess what
Mb you may have gotten 34 injuries during recess but lunch is about to start
Mb you ready
S bring it on
164 Another day another dollar
Ring ring ring
Ya mom sorry I can’t talk long, because I am about to be used to but tic tacs I mean I should be worth more than that o guess where I have been so far on my road trip o so many places I was even in paris for a bit in some dudes wallet I was once picked up by the tooth fairy and oute under a kids pillow it was interesting cause I thought he was fake ya you herd my he he was this really big buff guy with really tiny wings I mean I don’t even know how he fit through the door much less fly ya I know mah I’ll be careful yes I was once even used to help buy a tv ya I’ll be 2 in a couple days I am gonna be used a lot more then cause everyone knows how rare two year olds are I mean most of the 1 dollar bills die befour they reach 2 so they never turn which is sad so I hope I make it ya ok bye mom
165The Bathroom utensils
Tb dude I got used again today his teeth are disgusting
C dude imagine going through his hair you know he has lice and he doesn’t even know it
Tb that’s nothing he has 8 cavities 8 I don’t think anyone has that many
C ya well I don’t even know why he thinks it’s cool to put grease in his hair it’s torture for me
Tb dude you have to deal with his hair not his mouth his gross wet cavity filled disgrace of a mouth
C well you know what I have to get dragged around all the time all you do is go back and forth
Tb hahahahahahah just back and forth just BACK AND FORTH
YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW BAD IS IT I PASS OUT FREOM THE PAIN HE USES MY BUTIFUL BRISTLES TO SCRUB HIS DICGUSTING TEETH AND YOU JUST COMB THROUGHT HIS HAIR HIS HAIR AND YOU THINK YOUR JOB IS WORSE THAN MINE I HAVE TO SCRUB TWICE A DAY SOMETIMES THREE I CAN’T SLEEP BECAUSE I’M SO AFRAID I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE ( starts crying)
C woooo I’m sorry you know what let’s not talk about this now
C (mutters even though my job is worse)
C oh hey tp what’s up
Tp I’m just here to say your both wrong
the wedding day
as the couple stands on the altar the man looks ready the bride looks nervous
M hey it’s finally the day
w ya so excited
p it’s time to get started
p Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove (quote from princess bride )
W starts crying I’m so sorry and then she runs away
The thunder rolls the thunder rolls
Every few seconds make a deep rumbling noise then a couple seconds later someone runs across sage really fast in yelling tell the storm slowly dies down
168 Hot love
(Mm is a girl he is a boy)
Hc marsh mellow please don’t do it
Mm I have to I must be with you
Hc you can’t you will die
Mm death is alright as long as I can be with you hot chocolate
Mm I love you too much to not be with you
Hc but you can’t you can’t I don’t want to live without you
Mm this is the only way I can be with you
Hc but I don’t want this I DON’T WANT THIS
Mm I’m sorry
(Falls into hot chocolates arms)
( (says that while holding mm)
Has gone a bit psycho and is just crazy now.
It never stops. I’m put on then taken off. Put on, taken off, put on, taken off, put on, taken off! It drives me crazy and I just can’t handle this anymore. They open the door and I freeze. Close the door and I get hot. Cold, hot, cold, hot, cold, hot! It’s just not the lifestyle I can handle anymore.
I need a break, a vacation. Watching the humans stuff Fridgers full and empty him and full and empty and full again is like watching the same routine over and over again… And over again…!
But no, my duty is here. To be taken off and played with. To become sticky from the fingers of midget humans who wander around with nothing but a soggy sac to cover them. Unsanitary! And the worst… To be looked at… *hides against the side of the fridge*
170 Mount St. Helens
Volcano is quiet and hikers try to climb but disturb it. Gives one big shake.
Hikers fall and scream and run away.
Trees and boulders are out on stage looking fearfully up at the volcano.
Volcano rumbles and blows up. “Pieces” blow out and start rolling and leaping across stage. When they come in contact with trees or boulders, they join in.
171 That Awkward Date Drop-Off
A boy and girl are walking hand in hand as they get done with their first date. Time to drop her off, but what to do? The boy doesn’t know so they both stand there awkwardly and don’t really even look at each other. The poor girls is beginning to feel awkward too so she turns away from the boy.
The only problem is that he’s begun to lean in for a kiss but realizes her lips are nowhere near close enough. He jerks his head back in shame just as she turns around and waves goodbye.
She steps forward for a hug and he sticks his hand out for a handshake. Wow, this date has just been awkwardly ruined.
Faces burning she raises her hand for a high five but he’s ready with some knuckles. Doesn’t the fool boy know girls don’t really do that?
Still attempting to say goodbye, they step in for a hug. That has got to be the most awkward thing anyone has ever seen in their lives.
Embarrassed, the couple turn from each other and walks away. I don’t even want to know how the actual date went…
172 Eye to Eye
Narrator: “Here we are at the Championships of the National Staring Contest! Here come contestant couple #1. We might have a close round with these two.”’
Contestant Couple #1 stare into each other’s eyes. After a few moments, one of them blinks, dramatically throws up their hands, and walks away. Other contestant fist pumps.
N: “Congratulations for winning this round! On their way out are contestant couple #2. We’ll see how close this round is. Or maybe it will end in the blink of an eye.” *Winks at the audience*
C C #2 stare into each other’s eyes. One of them uses a finger to blink one eye and then the other. The other contestant gets angry and chases them off the stage.
N: “Well, that won’t end well for one of those two. Ah, and for the final round this evening are contestant couple #3. We can expect a good long round between our top contestants.”
C C #3 stare into each other’s eyes. After a long moment, one of them smiles evilly and raises a hand with two fingers pointing out. The other looks fearfully at the hand before it takes him in the eyes. Hits the ground and crawls off stage. Winner strikes a victory pose then proceeds to chase the narrator around with two fingers.
*While this is happening*
N: “Oh what are they doing! I would have expected fair play from these two but hey, the loser is who the winner won. No wait, what are you doing?! Not me! That’s it for tonight and have a great evening folks! Ahhhhh!!!!
174 When Fairies Go Rotten
I’d always thought that fairies were creatures of good magic but I guess I was wrong. Apparently they can be cruel and clever. You see, the three fairies that I lived with weren’t really who they pretended to be. When my father threw the party at my birth, he invited them because they had my father's ear.
When Maleficent found out, she tried to quickly come but didn’t make it in time to stop their curse. She couldn’t reverse it but she knew that only time could break it. So when my sixteenth birthday came around, she told me to prick my finger on a needle to fall asleep for a century or so.
But I didn’t know the full story then. That brings us to now. Now I am running from everyone who wants to keep me from myself. Running from the fairies and running from my greedy prince. And I’m telling everyone who will listen that I’m off to find Maleficent so I can bring back justice and banish all evil from my kingdom. Only then, will there be a Happily Ever After.
*Aurora sits in the front center of the stage and all the things she is describing happen behind her*
175 Bed Time
Teddy Bear: Shhh, shhh. I think I hear him coming!
Pillow: Oh great…
TB: Hey, we don’t have to be unhappy about it. At least he’s not sick anymore.
P: Well I guess that’s true.
*A moment of silence*
TB: Do you think he’s going to go right to sleep again or roll around for half the night?
P: I don’t really know. He’s been pretty quiet lately.
TB: I know, the suspense kills me.
*A moment of silence*
TB: Do you think he’s going to flop on us again or nicely crawl in?
P: I don’t know.
P: I have a question. Remember that thing you said about shushing because he’s coming? You should think about trying it.
TB: Oh yeah. Oh look here he is!
Boy jumps into bed and the entire bed goes “Umph!” and groans.
TB: I didn’t know the bed could talk!
176 Who’s Rumplestiltskin?
Rumplestiltskin 1: I am the real Rumplestiltskin. Lot’s of people say I’m just a myth. I am but I’m not. It all started when a dwarf wanted a wish from me. After he got it, he convinced some people that he was the real Rumpelstiltskin.
R 2: But someone got it in their head that they could also be Rumpelstiltskin. He convinced people that he was the real one. He went to go find a wizard to gain magical powers.
R 3: However, the crazy wizard was convinced his name was Rumpled Coat Skin and of course people took that the wrong way when they found out.
R 4: Well it just so happens that I met a man named Rumpelstiltskin and I passed the word on to help this young fellow's popularity.
R 5: Well someone else heard how popular I was getting and wanted some for himself.
R 6: But someone else heard about this clever scheme.
*Rapidly and over the top of each other
R 7: And someone else.
R 8: Pass the word on.
R 9: I’m him
R 1: Now wait! We can’t all be the same person.
Every R: I’m Rumpelstiltskin!
Hero walks down the street and hears a scream. A train is going to crash and this hero must stop it.
As the train comes barreling through, the hero uses his super strength to stop it. However, several civilians get crashed into and they don’t appreciate the hero's help. They blame him for not stopping the train in time.
He apologizes but they pick him up and throw him to the side and all yell “We shame you!”
He sits in sorrow and shame while fights break out around him and robbery and crime.
After a while of this , someone cries out for the hero to save them. He looks up and shakes his head sadly.
He says, “You didn’t want me when you needed my help before so why should I help you now. Because I’m supposed to be the hero? Well you’re supposed to be grateful.”
He then stands up and everyone freezes and watches him while he walks across the stage to exit.
He stops at the edge of the stage and turns to look at the frozen turmoil as if in thought, then quickly walks back across the stage and pushes over all the people doing crime.
itle: The Starbucks tragedy
Setting: The streets of New York
(Jenny walks out of the Starbucks)
Jenny: Thanks for the coffee
(She trips on her own hills and spills her Starbucks)
Jenny: Oh no, my Starbucks spilled!!!!!!!!!
(Grabs her phone and calls 911)
911 operator: 911 what’s your emergency
Jenny: *dramatically* my Starbucks spilled
911 operator: we’ll have our whole force over then ASAP
(4 helicopters fly to there)
EMT: hurry, we might lose her!
(Grabs the cup)
EMT: she’s not breathing!
EMT: this isn’t working!
EMT: there’s no hope we lost her
(Jenny cries giving her Starbucks CPR)
179Title: Why is Waldo hiding?
Setting: Therapy room
Waldo: I think I’m going insane. I’m constantly getting watched. I run and hide every time they find me, but they keep on looking. Why can’t they just leave me alone? What have I done to deserve this? I was just trying to live my life. This shirt is my only camouflage for them, yet they still find me. I haven’t taken a shower in years, because they’re always watching. When do I get a break? Isn’t there laws against this? I might just be going crazy. I remember when they started like yesterday. I was going clothes shopping when I felt like I was getting watched, so I hid. I saw a person trying to find me. I thought nothing of it until it started happening every day. Oh, no…. they’re here
Title: long road
Setting: A long road
Jennifer is coming back from her job, but has to use a different route due to an accident on her normal route. She looks forward and sighs for the long road ahead. It’s now around midnight, and she’s paranoid and looks behind her a few times. Finally sighing in relief she gives up. A few seconds later she hears loud footsteps. With no hesitation she screams, and runs. The man yells “ma’am please stop”. She yells “help!” She trips over a large rock in the road nearly breaking her leg. She yells in pain “I think I broke my leg”. The man catches up to her, and helps her up. He says “I’m sorry for startling you ma’am. I’m not from here and need directions to the next town”. Felling stupid she says” just down the road “.
181 Title: The boy who really saw the wolf
Setting: An old farm
Boy: Today is a nice day.
*You hear howling in the distance*
Boy: It sounds like it’s far. I’ll warn papa anyway
*He rushes over to his father*
Boy: Pop I think I heard a wolf, he might be coming down here to eat the sheep!!
Father: What? I’ll get my shot gun.
*The father gets his shot gun and follows his son out*
Boy: I heard him over there!!!
Father: I think you’re going insane son, this is the third time you’ve done this just this week. Stop calling me out here.
Boy: But dad
*Father walks off stage*
Wolf: You dumb kid. Now he’ll never believe you
182 Title: The cell phone
Setting: pants pocket
Finally a break. She’s constantly on her phone. Checking her likes on Instagram. Taking two hundred selfies, until she finally thinks she looks good enough. Flirting with guys. Posting new statuses on Facebook every hour. I never get a break. I work till I drop, but I don’t get to rest long. Right as I fall asleep, she wakes me up. Then she tweets what she’s doing. Usually a lie, like “I’m on the beach”. She always lies on this site. She always has to have a certain amount of retweets or likes or she’ll take it down. It gets ridiculous. I’m going insane. She dropped me the other day, and I broke my screen. She can’t get me fixed till next month. It hurts when she uses me now. I don’t thing I can take this anymore
183 Title: Doppelganger
Setting: Small town in Wyoming
Fan girl: OMG, is that Kanye west!!!!!
Random Guy: Ummm, I’m not Kanye west
Fan girl: I literally love your music
Random guy: Who is Kanye West?
Fan girl: Are you really running for president in 2020?
Random guy: I don’t even live in America
Fan girl: You’re even hotter in person
Random guy: ma’am please, I’m not Kanye West
Fan girl: Classic Kanye!! Thinking no one would notice.
Random guy: I’m calling the police if you don’t go away
Fan girl: I literally can’t even *drinks out of Starbucks cup
(Random guy calls the police)
Fan girl: How thoughtful!! Calling the police on me
(Cops arrest girl)
Fan girl: I’ll always love you Kanye *
(Get dragged into the officer's vehicle)
184 Title: The history book
Setting: In a back pack
(The phone rings)
History book: What do you want?
School boy: I didn’t study, and I need help.
History book: That’s your fault I’m not going to help you. Maybe if used actually use me you wouldn’t be in this situation.
School boy: It just seems like too much work.
History book: That sucks for you. It isn’t even an open book test.
School boy: Can you just help with number 15
History book: Nope
(History book hangs up)
185Title: mistaken for a bear?
Setting: New York City
Character description: Frank- 7’2 bearded man Suisse- 4’11 paranoid girl
(A normal day in the subways of New York City when suddenly you hear a scream)
Suisse: EVERYONE THERE IS A BEAR ON THE LOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!
(Everyone stares at her then looks at frank)
Frank: Ma’am I’m just a tall bearded man…
Susie: He talks!!!! Someone help me!!!!
(Suisse tries running but she trips over nothing)
Frank: Need any help?
(Frank tries helping her up, but she pushes his hand away)
Suisse: Oh, no, he’s trying to eat me!!!
(Everyone starts laughing)
Frank: I’m not a bear ma’am
Suisse: Wait, You aren’t?
Frank: I’m just a tall man
Suisse: You’re lying, so you can eat me
(Frank just walks away finally giving up)
Suisse: Now I can be on “I survived”
SETTING:in a hospital room with a man who is al wrapped up in bandages
DOCTOR: now, your gonna be fine mr. we will take good care of you.it should be about 2 months before we can remove your body cast,we can identify you,and then you should be back to normal.
DOCTOR:ok. well then, Mr. i will be back to check on you soon.
WIFE 1:....(SUDDENLY) MY DEAREST!!!(tackles the injured man off of the hospital bed)(Man gives muffled cries of protest from behind the casket)oh, my dear, i was so worried about you, you have no idea how long i've been trying to get in too see you! but everything is alright now! the doctors say that you will make a full recovery, so everything is going to be fine-(he is back up on the bed at this point)
WIFE 2:(barrels through the door) DARLING!!!(tackles him again) oh, thank goodness you're alright! that accident was so terrible! i thought for sure i had lost you!(this entire time the injured man is struggling to get away from these women.)
WIFE 1: who are you?
WIFE 2: i m his wife. who are you?
WIFE 1: well,I happen to be his wife!
WIFE 2: Well,im afraid you are mistaken. he is MINE!(he begins to get pulled back and forth between the 2 women)
WIFE 1: no, hes MINE!
WIFE 2: MINE!
WIFE 1: MINE!
(a sudden crash is heard from the street)
BOTH WIVES: what was that?(man struggles to escape through the door while the women are looking through the window)
WIFE 3: (bursts through the door) DARLING!(tackles the man)
187. TITLE: farewell
SETTING: at a train station
MOTHER:... you have all your things?
SOLDIER:yes, mother. everythings been packed.
SOLDER:...Mother? whats wrong?
MOTHER: ...well, i just dont see why it has to be you. there are plenty of other young men that could go!
SOLDER:at a time like this, we all must serve our country the best we can. its only right that i go.
SOLDER:no need to be sad. ill be back before you know it.
TRAIN CONDUCTOR: ALL ABOARD!(from off stage)
SOLDER:thats my train!... i've got to go now mother.
MOTHER: be safe, my son.(gives him a hug)
(solder runs to the train)
MOTHER:...come back to me.
188. Title: MUSHU WANTS TO GET PAID
Setting: Mushu is sitting in the shrine to the ancestors and demands to be paid for his job.
MUSHU: HELLO??? Ye-yes, hello there, ancestors. yes i’m back from protecting Mulan...NO, I DID NOT FAIL!...now- now just hold on there a minute. i got something to say to all you lazy bums- I MEAN ANCESTORS!.. now let me just tell you all that i have been through in the past 2 months. let me just say that i thought that gong job was ridiculous...yes, you are all over 500 years old, you are mature enough to get yourselves up…, but that HORSE! let me tell you i have been Stepped on, stranded in the middle of a wintery wasteland, nearly killed by an avalanche- I HAVE BEEN SHOT INTO THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN, STRAPPED TO AN EXPLOSIVE! I HAVE FOUGHT CHINA’S MOST WANTED AND SURVIVED!... and let me tell you, he was UUUUGGGLLLYYY! oh-you-and you know what? while all this is going on, what are you people doing? I mean SERIOUSLY, these people pray to you every day and what do you do? YALL sit on your ghostly BEHINDS and let me do all the dirty work! yea- well- i’m tired of it! from now on, i want to get paid! ye- and by the hour! And don’t even start with all of that minimum wage crap! Yeah! thats right!........what do you mean no?
189 TITLE: pizza or prom?
SETTING: in an ordinary home, on prom night. dad and teenage girl are sitting on the couch.
DAD: now remember rachel, i expect you back here at 8:30.
RACHEL:i know, i know. dont worry. we are just gonna go out for dinner afterwords. it is prom after all.
DAD: hmm. well, i dont see why thats nessessary.
RACHEL: come on, dad. of course it is. my friends set it up as a blind date. so i need a chance to get to know him. seriously, i dont even know what he looks like... besides, maybe you can take this chance to spend some time with mom or something.
DAD: well… maybe you're right. after all, i did order a pizza. speaking of which, that should be here soon…
RACHEL: so should my date. i'm gonna go get ready.
DAD: ok…(sits on the couch)... date...hmf.
(we see a man outside the house)
PIZZA GUY:hm… well… i think this is the right house, but just to be safe, ill check before getting out the pizza. this is my first day on the job, after all.i only wish they would have had my uniform ready.(walks to the front door)
DAD: (slowly turns to the door with an evil look on his face) … he is here…(walks to th door, then swiftly opens it, stares down the pizza man, looks him up and down)
PIZZA MAN: uh...
DAD...(whispers) i don't like you…
RACHEL: (from off stage) is that him dad? hurry up and let him in.
DAD: ... (really scary smile) won't you come in?
PIZZA MAN: um… i don't think i'm supposed to-
(pizza man enters the house)
RACHEL: im coming, im coming…(enters)oh! hi there. im rachel. nice to meet you(sits on couch next to pizza man.)
PIZZA MAN: uh…
DAD: HM!(purposely and obviously sits between them.)hm.
DAD: so. (glares at the pizza man) why dont you tell me when you plan to get back from the resteraunt.
RACHEL: (sigh) dad…
PIZZA MAN:uh… well ill probly get off around 12, so-
RACHEL: oh no.
DAD: rachel… prepare the chainsaw…
PIZZA MAN: waa! (runs away, dad gives chase)
DATE:(shows up at the front door, having witnessed what just happened)uh...hi?
190. TITLE: i never get my ice cream
SETTING: a small island in the pacific ocean. a man wants some ice cream.
NARRATOR: Once upon a time on a small island in the pacific ocean, there was a man who loved the island's famous ice cream. the only problem was, the ice cream was so popular, that he rarely got to have any.
ICE CREAM MAN: oh, i'm sorry sir. i'm afraid we're all out for today.(man is sad)
NARRATOR:one day, the man determined to get up at 5 AM to get some ice cream. unfortunately, when he got there…
ICE CREAM MAN: i'm sorry, but my shop has been destroyed by this girl and her strange blue dog in an elvis costume. it was the weirdest thing i've ever seen…
NARRATOR: finally when the shop had been rebuilt, the man finally got some of his favorite ice cream. he went to the beach to celebrate and found a nice place to eat his ice cream when a strange girl with a camera approached him…
LILO: (takes a picture of the man, and his ice cream falls off.) lets go, stitch!
MAN:....(long silence staring at fallen ice cream)...i never get my ice cream…
191. TITLE: the monsters of walmart scene
MAN 1: AAAAAAAAAAH!(runs across stage)
MONSTERS: meh, meh me-meh, meh(follows man 1 across the stage)
MAN 1: (runs back on stage, stops to warn someone about the monster) run, their coming!
MAN2: wha…(monsters apear) ahh!(follows man 1)
MONSTERS: meh, meh, meh( follow both men)
(both men run back on stage, but are caught by the monsters)
BOTH MEN: nooooo! AHHHH!(something like that…)
MONSTERS:(all the monsters stop, then slowly turn there heads to the audience) MEH!
192. TITLE:perry man
SETTING:dofinshmirts evil inc.
BACKSTAGE:(musical) dufinshmirts evil incorporated
PROF: so, perry the platypus, you have discovered my secret weapon, the hallucinator!
whoever is hit with this beam shall have wild hallucinations, thus creating catastrophe in the tristate area! Prepare yourself perry the platypus!
(attempts to fire the beam at perry, perry reflects the beam at the professor with a mirror)
PROF: OW OW OW! what the- you reflected the beam back at me with a mirror? but how-... perry you are transforming into a man! what is this?(perry transforms into a man)
PERRY: i believe you are hallucinating, nevertheless i am… PERRY THE PLATYPUS MAN, who protects the people of the tri state area from evil!
PROF: that title is a bit too long, don't you think?
PERRY:evil shall never prevail!(punches the professor off stage)
BACKSTAGE: (musical) agent p!
Title:The triplets attack
Setting: we are in the castle from the movie brave. the three triplets have devised a devious plan to steal the sweets from the maid.
(maid is seen in the kitchen preparing sweets for dinner. narrator is sitting on the steps.)
NARRATOR: (starts with a mythical tone)long ago in a far away kingdom, there lived a princess with wild red hair. she hated being a princess and just wanted to be able to ride her horse and shoot arrows to her heart's content. and her name was Merida…(switches to a normal tone of voice) but more important than any of that was her three brothers.(we see the triplets appear and start to sneak around the maid) they were known as the troublemakers if the kingdom, and more than anything… they loved sweets.(we see the triplet’s heads one by one peek over the edge of the table where the maid is making the sweets)Almost everyone who met the triplets were fooled by their cute smiles. Everyone except The maid, who was responsible for watching the triplets. she knew all about the boy’s mischief and this time, she was determined to keep the sweets from them.(triplets take the pie when the maid is not looking) she was watching out for any signs of trouble when she noticed that the door to the kitchen was open. recalling that she had closed the door, she turned back to the table just in time to see the triplets escaping with her freshly baked pie.
MAID: BRING THAT PIE BACK AT ONCE OR SO HELP ME!...(she chases the triplets out the door)
NARRATOR:Oh well, maybe next time she’ll catch them. but in the meantime, i have some cookies to eat.(takes cookies from table and walks off)
TITLE: Over dramatic
GIRL: ahhh ohhh oh lord nooooo
(everyone stares wierdly)
GIRL: oh please noooo.. no no no….
DUDE: dude… what is wrong.
GIRL: ohhhh nooo i lost my pencil man
DUDE: ohhh no wayyy that suckss….
GIRL: i knowwww (faints)
DUDE: my god.. she coud have just asked for one?
TITLE: Over dramatic selfie
GIRL: (selfie) omg selfieeee (big duck lips)
GIRL (walks up tp boy. OHHHH MY GOSSSSSHHHH! SELFIE!(: (crazy big smile)
GIRL: oh my gosh i love selfies. idk what i would do without them they are ma lifffffeee
GIRL LET ME TAKE A SELFIEEEEEEEE (crossed eyed)
TITLE: Cold pizza
SETTINGS: pizza box
(all pizza chillin smiling in a box. one goes away one by one.. every time someone comes and gets a piece teres a different wierd noise that comes and grabs it. now there is only two pieces left. someone opens box pokes both. one is hotter than the other. grabs the hot one other one is sad. gets thrown in fridge.. shivers. five days go by.. ew. ew. ,ew, throw. ew. threw. throw trash . ew throws trash. mm. dink noise. ew shows. opens box sees sunlight.ew. throws away.)
TITLE: IM A PENCIL
PEN: (wait for it) Dear diary,
Today she used me in every hour. That was SWEET! But the thing that’s not sweet, is that every hour beginning and end of every hour I get torn out and thrown in. it hurts man, it hurts. But the WORST part is that she can’t even clean out her backpack. OH MY GOSH it smells so bad and I’m crammed in here with like 7 other pens and pencils, and there’s so many wrappers and crumbs. She had starbursts today. And crackers, she left the packet open. Now when she goes to use me (click click) the led won’t come out…
TITLE: Murder the musical
SETTINGS: The Playground.
LANYARD: yo license you been driving around. Oh wait you’ve been left again!
LICENSE: SAY IT TO MA FACE!
LANYARD: I would if I could but you flipped over
LANYARD: Yo comb, you been combing through those hairs and what knot (;
COMB: No I haven’t she braided her hair again today.
PEN: HEY dude you act like you don’t have it hard. You be whippin and hanging from people’s trousers.
LICENSE: now what me whip now what me nae nae watch me (pen) whip whip.
(PEN ROLLS AWAY) PEN: they see me rollin’ they hatin’
LICENSE: hey where you going!?
LANYARD: stay with me because you’re all I need
COMB: I can’t stand all this rapping!
TISSUE: it’s okay it’s okay I got you.
COMB: you guys can’t all be sad! That’s my job
ERASER: She doesn’t even go here!
TISSUE: we need to all just need to learn to work together.
EVERYONE: Together together, come on now everyone
TITLE: the three little bears
LITTLE GIRL: Bro i am so hungry imma get some food.
THIS IS GROSS gross. minty mm i'll eat this one
ugg i wanna chill and watch netflix. wow this chair is huge… NEXT dang girl… what is this one...way too small.. ahhh yea this one is good.
i am tired i think i'm gonna go sleep jeeeeez this bed is way small.. oh wow. yea this is cute. NOT okay yea yea im feelings this one.
three bears walk.. i don't remember eating my porridge.. nether do I.. I don't remember breaking my chair..?
GIRL: you guys. you have long term memory loss.. calm down.
TITLE: Iron Man
IRON MAN: Yo where is my supa suit.
WIFE: It's in the washer.
IRON MAN: Dude. i told you not to wash that is gets too tight and i don't like it
WIFE: calm down you don't even need it.
IRON MAN: yes i do I need to save the world.
WIFE: oh my gosh there is no crimes in the world you just need to stop.
IRON MAN; whatever i don't need a suit to save the world
once upon a time there was a guy who had a dream to be a superhero. Every day he asked his wife where his super suit was and every day she just said it was in a dryer. he pretended to stick one on and ran around and helped his wife and daughter to be a “hero”
ABU WEARS THE SAME CLOTHES AS ALADDIN
Notes: This scene comes from when I was watching Aladdin with my sisters. And I noticed that Aladdin’s monkey Abu, is wearing a the same outfit as Aladdin. Which I now find really weird, and sort of creepy.
So let me get this straight Aladdin. You want me to make you a matching vest and hat for your monkey.
Yeah well Abu just started following me around, and he’s a pretty chill guy so I thought it would be cool if we wore matching outfits.
Look Aladdin, I’m happy to do this for you, but you’ve got to understand this is going to cost quite a bit of money. Are you sure you want to spend it on your monkey? You don’t want to spend it on like food or something?
Well I want people to know that we’re best friends.
JACK & JILL
Admit it Jack you were up here last week with Tabitha!
No Jill I will not admit it because it’s not true!
Oh, come Jack. I know you were up on this hill last week. I know it, you know it, the whole town knows it. So please, just admit it Jack!
No. You know what this is ridiculous I don’t have to take this, I’m leaving. You’re acting just like your mom.
(Jill gets a crazy look in her eyes and pushes Jack off stage.)
I am not my mother!
(off stage, in pain) My crown! My crown
Is This Real
So you’re saying I’m not really here.
You’re here – it’s just that you’re only here in my head. You’re a character in this play.
And what are you?
I’m the writer…
Then why are you here, walking next to me?
I wrote myself into the scene.
So you’re a character too… since you’re here…
I mean, sure… in this scene…
…and I’m really here too, in this scene.
I mean – sure. But I’m real.
You mean in this scene – this is really you?
No I mean… no… in this scene this is me, as a character..
So you’re not real. Or I am real, like you?
DYLAN: Wait what?.....
205MISTAKEN IDENTITY #1
I wasn’t trying to get caught up in all this. It may be hard to believe now, but I was once an honest man trying to do the right thing. I was going to go straight, I was going to tell them who I really was. But they kept calling me Harry, and they introduced me to his lifestyle and I was instantly hooked. So after a few days I decided that it was not Harry Lime who died in that car accident, but it was instead Jef Costello. Thinking back on it I should have seen this coming from a mile away. But I think I was to caught up in the money, the drugs, and the women to see two feet in front of my face. So in retrospect my fate was sealed the minute I killed Harry Lime on route 66.
Two people are standing rigid on stage. One person is at center stage, one is at left stage. A another person walks on stage, she’s holding an axe. She then begins to hack at one of the people standing on stage.
(With each hit Janice the tree, sinks down further towards the floor.)
MAURICE, MAURICE WHAT IS SHE DOING TO ME! MAURICE PLEASE HELP ME
(Maurice is crying.) THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO SWEETHEART, THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO!
(Janice is inches from the floor.)
MAURICE TELL THE SAPLINGS I LOVE THEM.
(Janice falls. The girl that cut her down then takes her away. Maurice still standing begins to sob uncontrollably.)
NIGHTLY VISITS FROM MY MELANCHOLY THOUGHTS
Everything you and I know is far more complicated than we perceive it. We only see the smallest fraction of what is true. And there are so many decisions that you think won’t matter, but they do. Every decision we make matters. There are a million little strings attached to every choice we make. You can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. And they say there is no fate, but there is. It's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to, but it doesn't really.
And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is, I feel so angry, and the truth is, I feel so sad, and the truth is, I've felt so king hurt for so long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why. Maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own.
Mr. Blonde is on stage. He’s frantic, he’s nervous. but he acts cool, he acts tough. Mr. Pink enters from the left stage. He’s frantic, he’s scared, and he’s angry. But Mr. Pink is not trying to hide it.
Was that a set up or what!
What the hell are you talking about?
What the hell am I talking about, think man! We go in the store and there’s not a single cop in sight. And we come out two minutes later and the place is swarming with them. I mean the average response time in this town is 6 minutes. So unless there happened to be two precincts that just pulled up right as the alarm was triggered, I don’t see how that couldn’t have been a set-up.
Are you positive.
Yes I’m positive. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my entire life.
What happened, to blue?
Well then who has the diamonds?
I got the diamonds. I stached them in my car just in case this place was was crawling with pigs.
Well let's go get them.
HAVING 24 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE, IS HARDLY ANY EXPERIENCe
I need you to stop talking right now.
(There is a pause in the conversation.)
No, no, no, NO! I don’t want anymore of this. I don’t want anymore excuses
What excuses!? Jeremy, that’s all it is with you.
(Yet another pause.)
Don't you dare walk away from me! And don't tell me you're sorry! And don't tell me to forget it, and don't you dare tell me to "let it go." God knows, I'd like to. I wish I could, but I can't! I can't forget that we had something, and you're running away. You're running away! Don't you see, Jeremy? You're running from what I've searched for all my life! Why, because you're scared? Well, I'm scared too, but you and I - we have something worth fighting for. We could make it work, I'm not saying it would be easy, but I care about you. And I know deep down, under this bravado, you care about me. And that's what it's all about,Jeremy, don't you get it? It's the human experience. You can pretend all you want, but you're only lying to yourself. You're denying the simple and wonderful fact that you are emotional, and vulnerable, and alive. Can you honestly stand there and tell me that I mean nothing to you? That everything that happened that night was a lie? That you feel nothing?
(EMMA is crying or close to it..)
I feel sorry for you, Jeremy. I'll move on. I'll find someone else. I'll be alright, because I will know that I tried. That I did everything I could. But someday you will look back, and you will realize what you threw away. And you will regret it always.
Why you can’t find Waldo.
Setting: Somewhere in China
Waldo: “A scientist that studies quantum teleportation.”
Waldo (looking exhausted): Finally my teleporter is actually working.
Assistant: Why is it made to look like a red and white striped shirt?
Waldo: Because no one will think it is a teleporter.
Assistant: Well it looks weird no one will ever guess what it is.
Assistant: So, does it work?
Waldo (looking hurt): Of course it works.
Assistant: Okay I’m sorry.
Waldo (looking excited): Okay test number one.
Waldo (presses button of sleeve and vanishes)
Assistant (looking astonished): It worked!
Assistant (looking around): Waldo! Waldo!
Assistant: WHERE IS WALDO!
Identical twins and their lovers!
Setting: 2030 needs no other explanation
Aaron: has a girlfriend and kind of a wimp
Mike: no girlfriend and is not afraid of a challenge
Tina: an extreme white chick that has serious attachment problems.
Aaron: dude i’m kind of scared i don’t want to go on this date, you go for me.
Mike: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
Aaron: really i was kind of expecting you to try to encourage me to go and stuff but sure you go. But here's that catch you gotta pretend to be me okay.
Mike: No problem bro i can do it.
Aaron: I’m going to tell you this tina is a very touchy person
Mike: what kind of touchy person
Mike: Get it out!
Mike: JUST SAY IT!
Aaron: She’s crazy attached.
Mike: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
(Later that night)
Tina: i’m so happy you came tonight (snuggling up to mike)
Mike (pretending to be Aaron): Anything for my snuchums.
Tina: Wow you have never called me that before.
Mike: Well today is an important day
Tina: what day is it?
Mike(on one knee): tina will you marry me?
Tina: Yes oh yes
One week later
Aaron: why am i so dressed up
Mike: it is your big day
Aaron getting (shoved threw a door): what are we oh no
Tina: lets get married
Aaron (getting dragged by tina): noooooooooo!!!!!
The Horror House
Juan: Maria lover and the host of the taco party
Taco: Juan’s evil twin brother who hates taco party’s
Maria: Feisty latina with a need for tacos
Roberto: best friends with George
George: He isn't mexican but he does like tacos
Setting: Juan and his friends are throwing a taco party but the tacos start to mysteriously disappear.
Juan: Thank you all for coming to my glorious taco party.
Maria: Anything for you my sweet little pepper!
Juan: anything for my spicy lover!
Taco: oh shut up you guys are going to make me sick i need to go to the bathroom.
(taco leaves for the bathroom)
George: Taco you just need to seriously like chill!
Roberto:Let’s get eating i’m hungry.
Juan: Good idea! Maria my little lotus flower of the desert sun i will let you get the first taco because my love for you is even greater than this taco craving deep inside that i have instead of tacos it is you.
Taco: (interrupting from bathroom) SHUT UP PLEASE WOULD YOU. (talking to himself) I will ruin this taco party for all of them muahahahahahaha!’
Maria: This taco is delicious almost as my sweet chili pepper Juan!
Juan: Um i have to go to the bathroom. K bye.
(Taco waits for Juan to enter the bathroom)
Taco: Aha i got you (slaps juan and knocks him out).
(Taco comes back out in a taco costume pretending to be Juan)
George: Seriously Juan thank you for the tacos they are delicious.
Taco: Yes I am juan totally juan and your welcome.
Maria: juan come here so i can give my taco a kiss.
(Taco walks over and before they kiss taco stabs Maria and she dies immediately)
(George and Roberto don’t notice because they are too busy stuffing their faces with tacos.)
The mean sister
Setting: Underland or Wonderland
Alice: what is the matter?
Mad hatter: we are going to lose our heads
Red queen: yes you are
Alice: No we are not
Red Q: yes you are
Alice: No we are not
Mad hatter: this is making my head hurt can you stop
Red Q: it is okay you won’t have it in a sec
(later that day)
Red Q: off with their heads
Alice: No you can stand up and fight people of Wonderland fight back
(executioner cuts off alice's head before she can say more)
Red Q: what did you do that for
Executioner: I thought they were going to listen to her so i finished my job
Red Q: okay next
Setting: medieval days
Knight: back back you horrible monster
Knight: i have come to save the princess
Knight: because i love her
Dragon: have you even met her
Knight well no
Dragon: then how do you know you love her
Knight: i just know okay
Dragon: Okay it is your funeral
Dragon: Well she is really tough and mean
Knight: how do you know that
Dragon i have been serving her for 18 years i know
Knight: you lie
Dragon look around see all of these dead bodies i didn’t kill them she did
(Knight starts walking away dragon kills Knight)
Dragon: works everytime
The superhero named Bob
Bob: Hello my name is bob that doesn’t sound like a superhero but I am.
Bob: The weird thing is my secret identity is Frostbite.
Bob: There are so many people with weird names nowadays that no one expects anything.
Bob: About those weird names I met some people with weird names like, Dawn, Prim, Katniss, and the weirdest is this girl named Chersti.
Bob: You may be wondering what my superpower is and I will tell you.
Bob: My superpower is burgers, throwing, eating, making, and selling burgers.
Someone off in the distance: HELP ME BOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: I’ll save you!
(Bob runs off)
Announcer: Will Bob save the person in distress or will he be lost in the depths of evil.
(Main technician looks over to secondary technician and gives a thumbs up then looks over his clipboard once more then starts his watch, countdown starts counting down astronaut walks to the rocket with confidence climbs into the rocket and gives a thumbs up and sits down, the control room is busy with activity everything stops just then everyone looks at the rocket about to launch the rocket launches successfully and everyone cheers then goes back to work.)
Good vs Bad
(Good pulls out his sword and points it at Bad, Bad looks at Good confused, Good motions him to draw his sword, Bad still looks confused and shrugs, Good lungs at bad sword in hand, Bad dodges then draws his sword, They start an awesome sword battle but are evenly matched, both stop breathing heavily, Bad looks sad, Good walks over and pats Bad’s shoulder then they hug and walk away.)
Setting: A giant pumpkin shell
Janice: Dear diary,
Today the pumpkin was rained on. That means that the pumpkin will flood again today. Although I’ve been here for almost a year now I still haven’t been able to get out of the pumpkin. When I get out of here I’m going to invent a time machine and go back and tell me to never marry that jerk peter. He seemed so nice when I met him. It just seemed like he liked pumpkins a lot. I never knew that he would go crazy and put me in one. Let alone this gigantic pumpkin. That’s all I can eat you know pumpkin every day, and I don’t even know if I’m close to getting out of this thing. I’m actually starting to like eating the pumpkin though. It’s pretty good stuff. But I think I’m also going crazy so what do I know I could be eating down for all I know.
Big Jimmy: A smart man thats likes to make money
Little Timmy: A dumb boy that loses all his money
Setting: Little Timmy thinks he sees Karl the bouncer at his soda joint but it is really Big Jimmy.
Little Timmy: hey Karl what are you doing here
Big Jimmy: (Looks around and can’t see where little Timmy is) Who said that?
Little Timmy: oh no(little timmy whispers) he can’t see me maybe i can just sneak away?
Big: Jimmy: (Sees Little Timmy) Aha there you are little buddy (not really knowing who he is but Big Jimmy is out for the money)
Little Timmy: please don’t hurt me.
Big Jimmy: I’m here to collect my money.
Little Timmy: I don’t have money for the soda tabs i owe you.
Big Jimmy: (Acting quickly) That's a lie! Give me half the money now and you can keep your arm unbroken.
Little Timmy: no it is the truth please don’t break my arm.
Big Jimmy: (approaching little timmy very slowly) Show me your wallet!
Little Timmy: No i don’t want to
Big Jimmy: That's it i'm gonna break you!
Little Timmy: I’m not going down without a fight.
(slow kungfu scene starts, turns into kitty fighting)
Little Timmy (rises victorious): now give me all your money.
Big Jimmy: Fine fine just stop slapping my arms!
Several people roll all curled up. Microwave sound starts. One by one very slowly almost all of them pop up to a jumping jack position. When there are two people left that haven’t popped the microwave stops and they all leave the stage doing cartwheels.
Biker is riding on one trail another on a different trail on opposite side of stage. The to bikers meet at center stage exchange friendly greetings. One biker tries to pull ahead but then the other biker matches his speed they slowly get faster and faster trying to pass each other and not lose the both get tired and take a break on the side of the trail. Another biker comes by and passes them the both look angry and get on their bikes
Disco Maniac vs Toaster Man
Setting: At a superhero convention deciding who is the most useless superhero
Judge: a announcer
Disco: A flower child with disco powers
Toaster: A nerdy kid who can create toasters
Judge: Ok so for our next event we will be deciding what superhero has the most useless superpower. Today’s contestants are Disco Maniac and Toaster Man. Each hero will give a brief explanation of their power and then will demonstrate it for you today. Alright we will start with Disco and then Toaster will go.
(Disco walks on stage)
Disco: Hey everybody first off i just wanna say how grateful i am for this opportunity i mean this is like way far out man. What my super power does is make a bunch of groovy lights and a disco and music so it's like totally useless now i will show you. (lights come down and he starts disco dancing to the music and light)
Disco: Thanks bros
Judge: Well that sure seemed useless right next up Toaster Man!
Toaster: Hello everybody my name is Toaster man and I am pleased to be here. My superpower is very inefficient i can create a toaster out of nothing. It is entirely useless thank you. (Makes toaster)
Judge: Alright audience take a moment to vote and decide who you think is the most useless superhero. (wait a few seconds) and the polls are in and the winner is ME! thats right i am the winner my power is to make great decisions but nobody does that in our day and age so i am the winner!
Death do us part
Johnny: What happened to me. I was in love and a great person and I could do anything I set my mind too, but now, I can’t even sleep at night. I'm slipping down into my dark abyss that tears at my soul. And I can’t shake this feeling of shock. Shock that something so terrible could happen to me, to others sure, to others it is just another sad occurrence on the timeline of my life. But this tears my timeline in half it puts in into a blender on high power and spits me out torn up and wasted. She wouldn't want me to be so depressed but i can’t help it if everytime i hear anything to do with her i break out into tears. (Getting angry) We had just gotten married 1 year ago! We had an entire life ahead of us! (Quieter) I was there on her deathbed when she said her final words. “I love you”
Setting: On a pirate ship following a treasure map
Peg Leg: Yo ho crew booty ahead!
Pirate 1: We be makin a fortune off of this booty men!
Pirate 2: I can buy me a new parrot!
Peg Leg: LAND HO!
(Pirates get off the boat and go to the island)
Peg Leg: It says the treasure be right here! (gestures to map)
Pirate 1: Start diggin!
(They dig for a few seconds)
Peg Leg: We have been cheated!
(pulls out a pair of boots out of the ground)
Pirate 2: Argh when they said booty i thought it meant treasure!
(Pirates all walk offstange grumbling to themselves.
Spider’s long day.
Setting: an ordinary tuffet
Spider: (sigh) another bad day at the spider shoe store. People keep making fun of me for missing a leg I can’t go on like this I need to change. I know I’ll ask Miss Muffet what I should do.
Miss Muffet: Yum curds and whey.
Spider: Hey Miss Muffet, how’s it going?
Miss Muffet: Ah a spider! Get it away! Kill it kill it! (Starts hitting spider with a book)
Spider: Ow stop! Please! Owie! Stop hitting me!
Miss Muffet: Save me! (Miss Muffet runs offstage)
Spider: (all crippled and near death) Why? Why me? Anybody here? Please help? Please.
Fly: You look hurt spider what happened.
Spider: Please fly, help me.
Fly: But why should I you eat my fellow fly’s every day.
Spider: Please have mercy.
Fly: Fine but you owe me bigtime (starts to fly in close to spider) what I’m stuck (gets caught in web)
Spider: Ha-ha I tricked you, you fool you trusted a spider now look what it got you.
Fly: You will pay for this spider!
PIGLETS EATING GIGLETS 1
*** THIS SCENE TAKES PLACE IN A SMALL HUT ***
Do you think he’ll notice?
Probs, not bruh.
Well if he does we’ll just take him too.
He’ll notice that I’m gone. He’ll come here and rescue me.
Bruh, can you chill for a sec. You’re getting too worked up, you won’t taste good if you’re stressed.
I don’t want to eat Mister Wolf. Can’t we just keep him as a pet, not eat him? We can just eat her and he’ll be
You’re right. It’d be a lot of work to get all of his fur off. We won’t eat him, he’ll just be our pet.
We’re still going to eat her though right?
So can you do me a favor?
What do you want?
Could you not eat me? I like my legs, they’re my pride and joy.
I got an idea, my non-pig brethren. We can just save your legs and eat the rest of you. It’s a win-win bruh.
NO! Just don’t eat me please?!
Bruh, you’re being too salty. #calmyoself
Lady, if you could calm down. That’d be great.
You’re about to eat me and you want me to be calm?
That is what he said. You can hear fine, can’t ya?
Yes, I can hear fine. I just don’t want to be eaten.
If it make you feel better, this isn’t personal. Well, it’s personal, but not towards you bruh.
You’re about to eat me, I’m not your ‘bruh’!
Yeah, we’re going to eat her she’s not your ‘bruh’.
Sorry, lady bruh.
Bruh, what I say?
I’m going to eat you, you’re not my bruh, I know, I know. Even though we’re going to eat you can’t we be bruhs, bruh?
It’s a fair question.
Fine. We can be bruhs, bruh.
That’s bomb, thanks for being so chill lady bruh.
So you’re not going to eat me, right? We’re bruhs after all.
That’s a dumb question.
Very dumb indeed.
Nah bruh. We still have to eat you, we’ll save your legs though, out of respect for you lady bruh.
*** ALL 3 PIGLETS START TO EAT THE GIGLET ***
Twinning With Tupac
*** THIS SCENE TAKES PLACE IN MALL ***
Tupac?! That you man?!
Who? Me? My name is Jerry, not this Tupac you speak of.
Are you sure? That sounds like something Tupac would say if he had been recognized.
I think I would know if I wasn’t Jerry.
That’s a fair point. What if you’re his twin or something?
I highly doubt it. I just want my avocado and my bed.
That’s definitely something Tupac would say. Always so spunky. You’re not slick.
I’m not this Tupac you speak of. Can I just buy my avocado and go?
Will you sign my paper really quick?
Sure, no problem.
*** JERRY GIVES AUTOGRAPH TO SECURITY GUARD ***
Thanks so much.
No, problem. Really.
*** SECURITY GUARD LOOKS AT THE AUTOGRAPH ***
Why’d you write ‘Jerry’?
Because that’s my name!
*** JERRY STORMS OUT OF THE MALL ***
*** THIS SCENE TAKES PLACE IN AN ALLEY ***
A lady is walking through an alley, when out of nowhere a strange woman starts following her. The lady
notices that a woman is following her, she begins to run out of fear. Eventually the stranger catches the
lady, as soon as she catches her, she steals her wallet and punches the alley walking woman.
THIS STORY IS WILD FROM START TO FINISH!!!
*** THIS SCENE TAKES PLACE IN A NICE HOME ***
The alley walking lady who had been beaten by the strange woman proceeds to stand up and continues
home after she is positive that her attacker is gone. Alley walker eventually continues on
her way back to her home, she walks through her front door and sees her daughter has
bloody knuckles and a lot of money.
THE 2ND CHAPTER IN “STRANGER PUNCH”
*** THIS SCENE TAKES PLACE IN A NICE HOME ***
Mom calls the cops, her daughter gets angry that she’s calling the cops. The daughter begins to slap her, the mother begins to fight back, and she proceeds to punch the daughter. Suddenly the cops show up, the cops put the mom in handcuffs and take her to jail. The daughter washes her bloody knuckles and counts her money.
THE 3RD CHAPTER IN “STRANGER PUNCH”
Orange Is The New Mom
*** THIS SCENE TAKES PLACE IN A JAIL CELL ***
The mom goes to prison for beating her daughter, while the mother is in prison she befriends a guard. Her and the guard are chilling one day when all of a sudden a car crashes through the wall, it’s the alley walker’s daughter. She came to bust her out of prison, the guard rushes the mother into the vehicle. The vehicle is stuck in the wall, the guard notices that it is stuck, so she drinks some Monster energy drink and then pushes the car out of the wall.
Inanimate Objects Monologue
Back In Action
The day is June 6th 1944. A couple weeks ago they all decided what was going down. They put the private and I in the first wave i have a feeling that we well he won’t make it. But hey the only thing I need to worry about is rusting or running out of ammo. We set off from the ship about 5 minutes ago and I can already hear the sound of bullets hit our transport and mortar rounds hitting the water all around us. The private looks really scared but I don’t blame him but who isn’t. I have a feeling that I won’t be going back to my case after this. We’ve landed and now we are getting ready to rush the enemy so for now I end my entry
The Dog, the Cat, and the Mouse
The dog runs on stage looks around runs to a corner of the stage and lays down pretending to hide. Cat runs in looking for dog, a mouse squeak comes from off stage and cat runs behind dog and lays down pretending to hide. Little mouse walks onto stage looking for Dog and Cat. Sees them and they walk off mouse shrugs shoulders and walks after them.
234The Dog, the Cat, and The
Dog runs in looking frightened. He looks around trying to find something to hide behind. He hears paw steps and dives for the nearest hiding spot. Cat runs in also scared and looks around for dog. After she hears a little squeak and dives for the nearest hiding spot. There she is shocked to find dog. Baby mouse comes in happy looks around for Dog and Cat. When she can’t find them she looks at her feet and frowns. Cat and Dog hear sobbing and peak out to see way she is crying. She looks up with a grin and they walk off a little bit angry.
Baby mouse shrugs her shoulders and walk off laughing.
The Dog, the Cat, and The
Dog: Crap, crap, crap. Oh there's a great spot.
Cat: Where to hide, where to hide? Oh no here she comes.
Cat: what are you doing here?
Dog: I was here first. Find another spot.
Cat: Too late
Baby mouse: Here I come. Guys? Guys. Oh
Dog: Do you hear that?
Cat: Ya. It sounds like mouse
Dog: Let's look.
Baby mouse: Found you.
Cat: Good job see what you did Dog now I’m it.
Baby mouse: I love hide and squeak. End scene
236 Death to US
Lightning flashes, all the children stand by the window. The power flickers off then back on and there stands the teacher. They all look back shocked and frightened. They all see this was not there real teacher it was only a substitute. She looks up and pulls out a machete gives the children a grim and lunges at them. In fright they jump aside but one was not fast enough. They all watch in horror as they sub tears him limb from limb. They run out trying to hide to get away from all the gore. But they were followed. One by one they fell. They listen in horror as the screams of their classmates echoed through the halls. They all grouped up trying to think of how they can fight back the horror. The sit and think as they hear not too far off the sound of metal on tile scraping through the halls then when they hear her close enough they all lunge at here. Instantly she cuts one down but she is quickly overwhelmed. She drops the machete and the children tie her up and set a fire underneath her they watch as she burns and screams now they can rest knowing that the fallen classmates have been avenged.
Once upon a snowflake
Snowflakes fall from the clouds and land on the ground. Three little children come along jumping giggling and rolling on the ground. One child looks over at a snowflake and runs over two it. When they get to it they look down at it and calls over the other children. When they all arrive they start to roll up one snowflake. Then they go over to the others and roll them up as well. At last they stack up the snowflakes and step back admiring their new snowy friend.
Space Shuttle Exodus falls from the sky to a rocky, dusty surface. Strange life forms go out to meet their new visitors at the site of the crash. Inside the ship the crew gets ready to face the foe outside with weapons of destruction. the airlock hisses and out they step the take aim, then lower their weapons as the new life forms crawl up to them and rub against their legs like cats
The Great Amazon
The tree stands tall and unmovable while birds fly around its trunk. The vegetation grow slowly underneath it large canopy of leaves. Then all at once there is a loud bang and then a louder hum all the birds fly away. Then all at once the vegetation is trampled underfoot and the men with the chainsaws comes to cut down the tree.